Hey everybody! It's been 8 months since I've been here--had a webtv that died and just recently got a computer.

Well, it's now been a year and 3 months since d-day and I finally feel like I can breathe again. Things are going great! H and I are in luuuuv again (LOL). We like being around each other now, we have a sex life again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (we didn't for a while--I lost the urge). I decided to go back to school--started in August and am doing well.

We still have our ups and downs and arguments--but they're normal ups and downs and the arguments don't go from being about kids or money to being about the A anymore. I only occasionally think about it (no more obsessing!). I honestly did not think we would ever get to this point.

I want to say thank you to everybody that took the time to help me when I needed it (and took the time to read my usually long-winded posts).

And 3, if you're around--hey girl! We need to catch up!

Btw, there has been NC for a long time--can't remember exactly when, but she quit her job and they never saw or spoke to each other (as far as I know) after that.

OH wow , I was thinking of you soooooooooooo much during the holidays . I was so thrilled to see your post , you stranger !!!

I am truely so happy to here that things are "right" again .
Yes there is alot of catching up girl ....

So the shortest version I can give you .

From the time he came home with will be 2 years now in February till JUNE of 2003 there was contact continues.

I feel as if I have lived in hell for most of the time (17 months) I stuck by him day and night till he worked through what ever guilt and pity he had for that witch ( ok I am not at the forgive the OW stage LOL )

ITs been 8 months since N/C. There never was a N/C letter and OW still never knows he came home to be with me . Husband is accountable for his time and where abouts , computer is open to my access and cell phone ect...

We have had many bumps in the road , and my self recovery has been a much hard path traveled , witch in turn has mad it a longer ride to marrage recovery .

We are doing good , yes there are still fights /dicussions about the A . I am trusting alot more ALOT !!!!

I found that I can not live in a constint fear of him doing it again or resuming contact . If its going to happen and he falls weak well then he looses ME . I know things now that I didn't before , I will NEVER DO this again .

Our anniversary is coming 2/14 and my birthday 2/17 so I still have alot of triggers and this time fincially is horriable . Emotionally I still fall apart every now and again , I allowed contact to continue to long with him home and it made for a harder way through recovery that I know .

Ok so now your saying this girl isn't doing well is she nuts or what LOL .

SEX life well some issues it was getting there then started declining , I belive there is issues there he will not come clean with , to try and spare me . OW is well HOT and hey I am getting old , I did loose all that weight but have gained some back and am flabby .

My belief is he still deeply confused on this issue . So I am doing my best to sit back and just ,,, well live a life . I know he loves me that I know , I just do not know if I am convinced enough that he still don't love her and regret that he was to scared to make the change .What I am saying is I think he may have settled for me . And with that thought I would settle for this as well just knowing he is with me . GET it .

We have not yet hit that big thing of He is so in love with me all over again . So the work continues and I am still kicking for my M .

I am so happy for you and that your in school and that you both are in love again .

HOws the reclining chair working out now that the sex life has taken off LOL .

Please stay in touch I miss ya alot . Miss M has stayed with me the hole bumpy raod and 2x4 me when needed and also gave me the shoulder I just needed to cry on .

Some times thats what I think I need the most the shoulder to just cry on . How are the kids ?

(((((((((((3)))))))))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I found that I can not live in a constint fear of him doing it again or resuming contact . If its going to happen and he falls weak well then he looses ME . I know things now that I didn't before , I will NEVER DO this again . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can say that again! H knows he is out of second chances when it comes to cheating. If it ever happens again, he loses me, regardless. I know we all said that before, but that was before we ever had to deal with it--now we're making a very informed decision.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I allowed contact to continue to long with him home </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't blame yourself. It's not like you could've forced him to stop--if he wanted to do it bad enough, he would have.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My belief is he still deeply confused on this issue . So I am doing my best to sit back and just ,,, well live a life . I know he loves me that I know , I just do not know if I am convinced enough that he still don't love her and regret that he was to scared to make the change .What I am saying is I think he may have settled for me . And with that thought I would settle for this as well just knowing he is with me . GET it . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I felt the same way. For a long time I wondered if he stayed just because it was familiar and comfortable. That didn't make sense because it wasn't too comfortable around here for him for a WHILE (why the heck would he choose to stay where every move is questioned and analyzed if not for love), and he had ample opportunity to leave if that's what he wanted.

About him settling, I don't think so! He could have been with her if he wanted to--he CHOSE to be with you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SEX life well some issues it was getting there then started declining , I belive there is issues there he will not come clean with , to try and spare me . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you talked to him about it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> OW is well HOT and hey I am getting old , I did loose all that weight but have gained some back and am flabby </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That has absolutely NOTHING to do with it! I'm not small, H's OW was bigger than me. AND she was a total prude (unlike me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> HOws the reclining chair working out now that the sex life has taken off LOL . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We killed the recliner--LOL. Actually we weren't even doing anything bad when it broke--we were just playing and H landed on the footrest. But don't worry, that hasn't slowed us down at ALL--LOL!

Kids are doing well. Both wear glasses now, for different reasons. Had some problems with my older one the first half of the school year--we moved over christmas break and her grades are much better in the new school.

I think I may have talked here about my exH starting up visitation after several years--it ended last year. Haven't heard from him since May of last year, and just found out that he quit his job a week ago, so now am going to have to fight for CS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . But it'll be ok.

I'm so glad things are going better for you and that there's FINALLY NC! I worried about you so much when I couldn't get online! And I will be keeping in touch.

oops double post

<small>[ February 04, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: luvbird ]</small>

Thank you for posting this. I think it really helps us "newbies" to know there is hope. I know when I'm having really bad days (most of them still), that I come to the site and look for success stories to remind myself that it will get better. Anyone ever thought of separate place to post success stories as a place of hope for those of us just starting this process?

I for the life of me will never understnd those types of people when it comes to taking care of there children . So sorry to here about the CS thing , hope it won't be to much of a battle to get the support they deserve.

MY son is 9 (just had birthday 12/20) D 6 .

School full time , I am a happy camper now . LOL

I needed this time alone to still process all that has turned my life upside down .

If not my LIFE ME as a person . This crap just takes beaten on the human being that you are .

I mean it makes you question everything about yourself . who am , where, what , and GOD knows the WHY me thing .(PITY PARTYS LOL)

But most of all I was so determined for him to truely GET IT what it did to me as an indivdual .

That I gave up on , I don't think he could EVER get it , maybe some do , maybe they claim to , but I personally THEY never will .

I am so mad some days at what I haven't done .

LIKE ruining the OW , I felt /feel I have the right to destroy her , make her life be the living hell in any way shape or form . It may of not gotten her to feel MY pain but hell any pain for her suits me just fine .

But hey just my way of thinking , I am just alittle to honest for my own good some times LOL

YES I have talked till I am blue about the sex issue , he just says not important I mean we do but not not offten . I am not saying I think that he is with he in that way at all , but If there is even a freindship then I belive / know it would not be helping into a full recovery .

I belive he would be guilted out about it . I have bluntly asked if he heres/ sees or anything from her and he tells me never , he wouldn't put himself into that posion ever again .

And yes life was hell for him while contact was going on even though I knew about it , rember she did not . I don't live blind but I do not obsess any more I don't follow , ect. nor do we talk of her everyday .

Just feel like the hole head over heals in love thing isn't happening . LIKE he blames me silently for not being more attentive then as I am now and that because I showed up to the party to late he won't be as attentive /affectionate /in love as he use to be .

LIKE I am some what being punished cause he had an A and it could have been avioded if I just would have lost the wieght sooner and wanted him sexually the way he wanted me before the A .

does it make sense??

So just venting off some thoughts don't want to bring ya down I am doing much better MUCH I swear ! LOL

got to go H on phone .