Feb. 5~~~ *Sparkle* suggested I change the title, hoping many would e-mail the Oprah producers that infidelity was taken too lightly!
Didn't mention the "FOG" that WS's are in!

And add the suggestion to have the Harley's and their marriage builders plan on her show someday.
Sincerely, Julie


Feb. 4th~~~ This Oprah show sounded pretty interesting!
Love, Julie


"Your first look—the Egyptian conjoined twins—after miracle surgery! Then—we heard from the wife. Now it's their turn—her husband, her close friend, the affair. And, a betrayed woman who actually tracked down the mistress! Riveting follow-ups!"

<small>[ February 06, 2004, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Actually, I read about the Oprah show over on the surviving infidelity board a few weeks ago...one of the women there was on the original show last fall? Maybe as late as December? And then the producers asked her to come back...along with the OW. She refused to do so (asking them if they were becoming the J Springer show!)...perhaps they found someone else who agreed.

Such pain...all for ratings...makes me sick.

Now if I heard that the Harleys or Penny was going to be on the show, well now! That would certainly change my mind...awed

<small>[ February 04, 2004, 08:18 AM: Message edited by: awed18 ]</small>

I watched the program also.
I felt the audience almost booed the WH and the OW.

I wanted to wipe that smirk from her face, how about you?

Thankfully, my husband had remorse and was forgiven.
That man just blamed everything on his wife, that there was NOTHING there.

And the last lady at the end, that cried and vented on her husband for 7 1/2 months for his one night affair, that just HAD to talk to the other woman to learn 'the truth'.

It gave her PEACE after she and and the OW e-mailed back and forth for; what the OW said, BUT did it ever occur to her that the OW might not have been telling the truth? That she might have just wanted to make the BW feel better?

Oh well, it worked and now the wife seems to be able to move on and forgive and believe her husband once again!

Sincerely, Julie

I just got through watching the show too and I felt the same way Jazzey Girl. They were both so full of bull. Michelle sitting there saying she didn't betray Ruthie!! OMG...she not only betrayed Ruthie, she betrayed those kids. Because their friendships are ruined now too. The two of them make me sick. They are both selfish people who are only thinking of their happiness. He sat there so smug like he did nothing wrong and that he went to Michelle's house before he separated just "to talk". YEAH RIGHT! Man...I haven't been this angry in a long time. It just hit too close to home I guess. I just want to scream!!!

Ruthie's story could be my story. For those of you who don't remember me, my husband left me about 2 1/2 years ago for my ex-best friend. She was also my neighbor and my children were best friends with her children. When my husband left me he moved in with her next door. For about 10 months I lived next to them. It was horrible but I made it through and have been trying to move on with my life. Today's episode of Oprah brought all of those emotions crashing in again! I kept thinking of my kids and how their once best friends are going to be their step sister/brothers. Sorry...I'm carrying on..just need to vent! I knew this would be the best place to do that!

Even though I haven't posted in a long time, I still come on occassionally and read. There are so many new names and yet there are always those special people I remember. Take care all. Thanks for letting me vent!

Yep.It was a thoroughly disgusting show to watch for many reasons.

1)the husband and OW showed no remorse at all even when they showed the clip of the daughter crying.

2)it was painfully obvious that they were still lying,only now to America.I don't know them personally but from what they said,they *rewrote history BIGTIME to try to justify there abhorrent behavior.

3)that that OW also tried to justify what she did to a friend by saying that "maybe they really weren't best friends afterall".GAG! What a homewrecker.

4)Oprah,who I have always held the utmost respect for TOTALLY dropped the ball on the whole scenario.She should have had a Psychologist or LICSW or some professional to help explain why/ what these people did was WRONG no matter if the wife and husband were "disconnected" or whatever.I was FUMING! Oprah did not address the SERIOUSNESS of what these people did and it was a shame.

I have a suspicion that the WH did not do everything possible to try to salvage his marriage and he came across as a sniveling little boy who was unhappy so he went and SLEPT with his neighbor.How disgusting.We all know that by the time people(WS) have affairs,their minds and hearts have already left the building.Most people(BS) never get a heads up or even a chance! Grrr. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I could barely sit through the show.It was unnerving to say the least.

O

Whoa, the comments here make me not want to watch it, and I was looking forward to it.

Doesn't Oprah have a website. Let's ALL write and tell her what we think.

Wow, believer,

What a great idea. I think I'll visit her site right now.

By everyones reply, I believe the show WAS a success.

The negative responces are showing how irresponsible a WS can be!
The program showed the pain it caused the wife and children.

It made the OW look like the homewrecker she is.
(With that continual smiling smirk on her face.)The WH was no better, he came across a not very nice person.

It was a good show.
It did not make the break-up of a marriage look fun and pretty in any way!

Instead it was very sad and sorrowful what selfishness and giving in to ones own so-called happiness, can do to a family!
Sincerely, Julie

Believer,

I did just that. I typed a nice long e-mail to "her"(Oprah) and I hope it gets through.Who knows but at least I vented.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

This was on oprah.com (after the show)
Below is a video to watch:

"HOW I FOUND OUT MY HUSBAND WAS CHEATING
How long does it take to get past a spouse's affair? Why does it hurt so much? Women who have been there explain how to cope."


Quote of the Day

"Men do not leave relationships because the [other] woman is tall or good looking. They leave because of how it makes them feel."
— Oprah
Talk About It

"Sometimes no matter how faithful and devoted a spouse is to the marriage, if the other spouse is not faithful and devoted, that one spouse can make it fail."

I personally thought it was TERRIBLE (1st couple). I now feel very disgusted and I think also depressed! It was like the couple in a fog and Oprah allowing them to justify it in public and even give her understanding and approval.

First of all, I don't think Oprah ever once called it what it was... an AFFAIR! I kept hoping she'd say, "Why didn't you first divorce your wife and then move in with the OW?"

Oprah seemed to really empathize with the husband and OW. I couldn't believe it. It was all about his feelings, and both he and the OW made the wife look very, very bad publically... the OW talked about the dirty looks she gets, the husband talked about how the wife only cared about herself, and on and on. The wife didn't say any negative things about the OW or husband other than what they did.

I honestly felt like Oprah really empathized with the OW and husband... 'cause in his words, he was "spiritually" and "emotionally" dying! Of course, when she asked him if he did all he could to improved the marriage, he said no.

The audience though didn't seem to "buy" the husband and OW's justifying of their affair (and really, that's all their appearance was... it was a public attempt to justify that when they did was okay because he was miserable) and when the cameras were on them, they were shaking their heads in disbelievement and disgust.

I am completly anti-divorce. Even in the worst scenarios, I believe God can heal (peraps with separation and other major things....). But any person who has an affair... there is NO justification for not first divorcing a wife and controlling their bodies in the meantime. There is simply NO justification whatsoever for a married person to be having sex with anyone other than their spouse and I am literally disgusted that Oprah did not seem one bit shocked, appalled, or upset. It was the opposite: she showed great compassion towards the OW and husband.

Sure, he left 'cause he was miserable... but couldn't he divorce his wife first???????

UGH!!

p.s. My husband did not have an affair (thank goodness) and I cannot imagine how betrayed spouses must've felt watching the husband and OW justify, slam the wife, and act as if, "No the kids are happy," and "We are having so much fun." (that's what the OW said). And both of them admitted that it was very recent, so obviously they were both still very "fogged."

At one point, the OW said, "I'm not feeling the love here!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And she cried when she said how she gets dirty looks. Good grief, what does she expect???

Also, did they even say that they were divorced?? I got the impression that he and his wife are only separated and not divorced.

I givah her credit for being a talk show host that gets the issues out there. However today's show was a disapoointment. I was so hoping someone in the audience would speak up and say hey go to www.marriagebuilders.com. Or at least address some major issue regarding infidelity. My Goodness people are still very behind on the real issues to deal with when it comes to Infidelity. I feel that they treat it like with the ld notions about not trying to save a marriage if a person is cheating in the marriage. But I was also very behind until I met MB 10/2003. So may we all have compassion on those yet to learn.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Men do not leave relationships because the [other] woman is tall or good looking. They leave because of how it makes them feel."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To an extent this is true. Some men (and women) though are just plain selfish, immature, or think nothing of having sex with other people. BUT regardless of whether the quote is true or not, it still does NOT in any way justify an affair! I felt as if that's what Oprah was doing.

Oprah's final question to the OW: "Are you right with yourself?" The OW, "I made the best choices that I could in the situation I was given." And that was that. The end.

What is up with that? Are you right with yourself? As if that makes it all okay??? That's exactly how it was asked.... if you're okay, then don't worry about it.

I am now in a really, really bad mood. I should not have watched this!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You guys I don't know about you but I got the feeling that Oprah isn't really familar with the aspecta and nature of Infidelity. Not to slight her in any way but just to give some understanding as to why she seemed unaware about what she was dealing with.

For example, she talked to the man Boyd that said he had been disconnected from his wife (Ruthie) for a long time and he wasn't in love with her. He said something like (don't quote me on this),"He didn't really do all he could to save the marriage."

He was going on about how it had become too late for him to save the marriage. How he knew it was not going to get any better and so on. She never asked him if he felt that he might still love his wife or if he might have even felt that his feelings could change toward his wife. Maybe that would've seemed silly for her to do because he was so downing his wife, yet I think it would have been a question for him to consider. Maybe that actually would've been a question for a counselor to ask. Anyhow the questions that Orpah asked seemed to point to the marraige being at a point of no return when we've learned here at MB that their is a possibility that a M can be saved. I felt that that America all over the country saw this show and left with no hope that marriages can be saved. So I posted to Orpah also to invite the Harley's to her show. If anyone agrees with me Please post here. Please.
E-MAIL THE PRODUCERS

Let's each copy and paste and send this entire topic to Oprah.
http://www.oprah.com/email/tows/email_tows_main.jhtml

It seems to be a really good discussion on how her show could have said so much more.

Maybe someday she could have on the Harleys and the Marriage Builders concept including Plan A and Plan B.

But keep in mind, Oprah is NOT married and has been having a 17 yr. sexual relationship with Stedman!

She said she could not even imagine her best friend Gail betraying her.
Sincerely, Julie

<small>[ February 04, 2004, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

This whiney guy - didn't care about BW for the last 19 years, but managed to have 5 kids, made me sick. And his smirky OW, "oh, me and his W weren't really good friends.

Let's all write Oprah. She really disappointed me.

Oprah and Stedman may not be married BUT neither one is commiting Adultery from what we know right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I would bet that she(Oprah) is somwehat skeptical about marriage herself hence the longstanding "partnership" with Stedman.

I too felt like the show ended on a sour note with no understanding of how to really help couples with Infidelity,it just seemed so contrived.Not one of her better informative programs at all.I wanted Dr.Phil to get on that show. He would have straightened everyone out!

AND,as AML mentioned,I almost was sick to my stomach when Oprah mentioned that it is being "alright with yourself" to the OW and the man.GAG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It is NOT being alright with yourself for a WS because that is when they are in the "fog" and everything seems right to THEM.It is more of doing the right thing and not ONLY thinking of their selfish selves.

With the "epidemic" of Infidelity in this country,you would think that the people that write for Oprah's show would have been more careful of how the subject was handled.

O