My husband's biggest Love Buster is selfish demands. We are starting to make decisions only when we both enthusiastically agree on the solution, but sometimes he doesn't want a solution and stalls indefinitely forcing me to do nothing which is what he selfishly wanted all along. For example, it drives him nuts when I spend money on myself. He can go on fishing trips and paintballing, but when I want to go get a facial he has a fit. He doesn't want to make a decision about spending money so he just never agrees and he's getting what he wants without thinking about my needs or feelings. What do I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

FF,

The POJA means BOTH of you have to ENTHUSIASTICALLY agree to ... whatever. It doesn't mean he can refuse your having a facial, but he can go off on a fishing trip. Surely you would not agree to being "denied" your facial but agree to the fishing??

Example: it is Saturday morning. You want to go have a facial; he wants to go fishing. He says no to the facial. He doesn't "automatically" get to ignore your needs and just go fishing! You have to enthusiastically agree to his fishing trip. Now, since neither of you is in agreement about how to spend your Saturday, here is where you do nothing.

Nothing? Yes, nothing. It doesn't mean he gets to go for a ride, it doesn't mean you get to go off into another room and watch a Lifetime movie or read a book. It means you sit there, together, and do nothing... until you can agree on how to spend your Saturday.

Sounds to me like he is trying to control your marriage, and is, yes, misusing the Policy of Joint Agreement. Have him read about it again.

Good Luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />