O.k I know I will get with some 2x4's for even sharing this, but better to vent here than at home to H..he deserves a lot better..

I am sad after reading the end of "His needs, Her needs" I had hoped that one day ANY feelings I had for OM would totally disappear. From the book it appears the feelings never totally disappear. I do have to say that I AM glad for me it was EA and not PA. Again, my own punishment for my awful choices...

Then, H and I are working SO SO hard on this M. I see hope for a brighter future for the first time in many,many years. These books we are reading the MC everything is SO helpful..Not to mention this sight too. But, I have to admit to this incredible guilt because of OM and his M. Last he called (over a month ago and yes I told H)she was filing for D because of the EA. She had a even called me after finding out and told me they were fine and happy until me.(that was over a year ago) Now you will really hit me over the head! I told him to not give up hope.. EVER.. He was angry over some of the things in the D, I just said don't get bitter or angry with her. Don't do anything to burn any bridges, because I know if H or I had we couldn't have turned things around. (I know that conversation shouldn't have even taken place) But, I read these books, this sight, MC, and pray that they too can work thru things and have the best M they could ever have. I just wish they could work things out. It seems so unfair that H and I are and things are going well for us, but because of my selfish act, another family may break apart. Again, I guess that is just another punishment for my selfish, awful choices...

{{{{Sohard}}}}


Your taking to much on yourself. Your OM is responsible for his M. And if the OMW thinks they were happy before the EA, she is wrong. Problems existed. If their M doesn't work, that to is their problem. You didn't destroy it. The only M you are responsible for is yours.

It was his selfishness not yours that caused his W pain. Poe's OM tried that on me. He accused me of causing his W's pain. Not his lies, actions, his 30+ years of A's. Me. I was the first to confront, I was the first to inform. Did I cause her pain? I just hope she will believe what I said, that she will catch him. She believes his lies, but I knew to much to be ignored.

Do buy the OMW trying to dump their Pre-A M as perfect before you came along.

As for feeling, I think that you will never forget. But the feelings will fade. How can any of us forget. But, it will not consume you. It will become a regret, a sorrow.

God Bless

ps: You do need to share your feeling with your H. Its good to vent here, but you need to let him help you. I'm sure he wants to comfort you and help you. Thats what I want to do for Poe. Let him help you heal.

<small>[ February 05, 2004, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: Silverthorn ]</small>

no 2x4's are needed.

I think what you are going through is pretty normal. Somehow OM and his W working things out eases your guilt and makes it easier to "let him go." I really can't speak for my lovely wife but I would bet $100 bucks that she still has pretty stong feelings for the OM. I don't know if I could categorize her feelings as "love" but I do believe she still cares for him. Yes, I would rather she had an extreme dislike for the OM but I don't think that will happen, so I have to deal with this the best way I can. You and your H have to do the same. Deal with the fact, that at least for the near future, those feelings will be present. Maybe with some time and prayer you wont give him a second thought.

I just wish they could work things out. It seems so unfair that H and I are and things are going well for us, but because of my selfish act, another family may break apart. Again, I guess that is just another punishment for my selfish, awful choices...


Say a prayer for them but don't beat yourself up for what you did to their relationship. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions as you are dealing with your's.

God Bless

Thanks so much for your replys..

I did try to share with H my feelings. After him reading "his and her needs" he asked if I had a "love bank" left for OM. I had to be honest and admit that feelings were still there. I could see the hurt in his eyes. We talked a little more and as I started to open up and share, he quietly said he couldn't handle talking about it and went outside. (not agrily.. just sad)

Later he came back in and said he was sorry and that if I needed to talk about that, that he was there to listen. After seeing the pain in his eyes, I figured it would be better for me to find somewhere else to deal with this.

kids home.. gotta run