I was reading an article that another poster provided a link to and it said the following:

Often men and women have affairs with the exact opposites of their spouses. They have good loving spouses at home and end up having affairs with "bad" boys or girls, people they would NEVER consider marrying.

Has that been your experience?

I know it was with me. The OW's mother raised her oldest child because she didn't want to, she is a party animal (WH is not), she is a sex-aholic, she is loud and demands the attention of men, she wears racy clothing... the list could go on. Obviously I'm the exact opposite of this.

So if he has a weakness for the "wild" side, then how on earth am I supposed to be his "angel" and his "devil?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My H's OW is a loud, flirty, aggressive B****, who is overly involved in everything. I am quiet and shy and prefer to spend my free time with my family. The OW also wants to be the center of attention, I prefer not to be.

I also keep my hands off of other women's husbands. She obviously does not.

He was a smoker....son has allergy induced asthma and smoke is a major trigger.

He was a convicted felon.

One thing I noted....she said she reminded her of her abusive high school sweetheart in terms of mannerisms, looks and body build. He also reminded of what her father (who left on her 13th birthday) looked like at about that age based on family photos.

My WS said OW is completely the opposite of me.

Which probably is true because...

I am good and OW is bad
I am nice and OW is wicked
I am an angel and OW is the devil
I am a homemaker and OW is homewreaker
I am worth a million bucks and OW is worth zero.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I can't say for sure in my situation because my WP is still wandering and has never told me.

I do know, however, of an A some years back in the workplace. The OW even resembled the BW and the WH said the OW was very much like his BW.

I think many times a WP is more comfortable in the company of someone who reminds him/her of the spouse they are cheating on. I don't know what the psychological dynamics of that may be, but I have heard this to be the case many times.

I do find this interesting and hope others will continue to post their responses.

One thing that is pretty consistent in the majority of books on infidelity I have read is the fact the OP is almost never better than the BS in terms of attraction and other qualities. In fact in most cases they are less attractive with fewer redeeming qualities.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One thing that is pretty consistent in the majority of books on infidelity I have read is the fact the OP is almost never better than the BS in terms of attraction and other qualities. In fact in most cases they are less attractive with fewer redeeming qualities.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree. I am still trying to figure out what my H sees in OW. I am by far the more attractive physically <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He's attracted to her ability to communicate with him, validate him, and admire him. But he's an attractive, well built man. She is about 4 or 5 years his senior and looks about 10 years older than what she is. All of his friends have always thought of me as really attractive and would be quite shocked to see that he is wrecking our marriage for her.

Oh well my FWS couldn't even stick to the book .

OW is better looking , younger, better body .

SOme what everything I was when we met , it was a replace ment thing.

I got fat very fat,, older (no $hit) , and I did not mantain myself any more.

Oh well she wasn't me , no matter how hard they pretended .

Hmmm...yes, on the surface we seemed to be exact opposites. She was younger, thinner. FWS connected to her on a deep emotional level. I'm more from Mars: practical, logical. She wasn't too together financially and emotionally. I think the place we were similar is in how we viewed each other. She was not my enemy and I was not hers. We did not bad-mouth each other and often tried to understand the other. And when FWS chose me, she stepped away with no question. I think she realized what a mistake the whole thing was.

I like this.

Now that my FWH's fog is lifting, he too is curious as to what he even saw in OW. She is eight years younger than me, and even though we have both given birth to two children, FWH says my body is WAAAAAY better than OW's. In a conversation the other night, he came up with this comical analogy:

BS- Classic mustang, cherried out, loaded.

OW-2001 corvette, with 300,000 miles and two very, very, flat tires!!!

I just laughed and laughed about that one, and believe me, I went visual, and it wasn't pretty!!!

And besides looks, she's about as smart as a stick, very needy, and needs the acceptance of all the men around her. Have no idea what drew FWH to her...

MOP

My WW's OM reminded her alot of me. This is true of personality only. I am kind, caring, shy and reserved. My wife has stated that I am better looking then him and have a much better body (I don't know if I should believe her because I have never seen him....the phantom other man). I think my wife was looking for me to be what he was...interested, conversant and just there for her. No bad boy here.

Sevenselves

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nid:
<strong>He's attracted to her ability to communicate with him, validate him, and admire him.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">nid - see what you wrote?

He's attracted to her because she satisfies his ENs. Take advantage of this lab rat. Think of it as an experiment you can capitalize on.

WAT

Of course they are different. They have the balls to go after a married person. My W OM is the exact opposite of me. Smoker, parttime worker, good BSer, no physical build, and alot older then me

But, "He makes her laugh", go figure.

But don't try and figure it out! theres the right way, the wrong way, and the way it is. Whoever can crack the mind of a WS will be a rich person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I was hoping never to know many details of my WH homewrecker but I did see a picture of her with MY husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have been told my whole life how beautiful I am and this HW is not prettier than me but she is 8 years younger and is in the business.Also,she had NO responsibilities(single,lived with her parents,etc) so she surely put as much attention and admiration on my WH as she could.We both have dark brown hair but that's about it for the similarities.She will NEVER measure up to me that's for sure.

I truly think somewhere down the road,my WH lost his self esteem and/or he is going through an early MLC of some sort.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm not sure whether the OW is like me personality-wise, but situational she is just like me when my H met me.
Single, in her 20s with a child who is the same age as my D when H and I met.
I am much thinner than she is (but I am thinner than most) but she has what my hubby calls "log-legs" - chubby legs with little indentation at the ankles and knees. He always said he hated log-legs! He says my legs are my finest physical attribute.
Go figure.

In some ways we are similar and in other ways we are not. One way we are definetly no similar is that I am more honest and take things like marriage vows seriously. I claim to be a Christian and I try to follow Christian teachings such as the Commandment "Thou shalt not commit adulty" and "Thou shalt not covent thy neighbors wife". I also follow New Testament teachings about Divorce. He does not seem to be bothered by breaking the above two commandments. And divorcing his wife also seems to not be a problem for him.

Thanks for the responses y'all. I guess I'll try starting another thread to address the second part of my post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />