Ok. So I have been having more than enough patience for a very long time with the hubby, waiting on him to make up his mind to come home.

But he still goes to her house and sleeps there. Some nites he sleeps home some nites he stays with her.

When do you know when it is time to throw in the towel.

I am no expert, but it sounds like he gets to "have his cake and eat it too". Not to be mean, but from a FWH's point of view, maybe a Plan A or Plan B approach is good.

Waiting on my change,

I agree with pookey.Plan B might be in order but can you give us more background on you such as ages of you and spouse,how long married,any children,when did you find out about affair(A),etc.Have you familiarized yourself with the MB concepts yet?

O

I will look for my original post and put the link ehre so you can get the full picture.

Separated Feb 2001.
Marries - 1999
son - 3 months
Daughter - 3 years old
Started Plan B - 10th February, 04

I would say more than enough time...

Have you read much about Plan A or Plan B??

How have you changed, and are you confident you have showed him, consistently, the best side of you?

If so, time to go to Plan B...

Yes I did plan B on 10 Feb, 04. I have just finished the letter to the OW. Going to deliver it now. I actually feel good about this. I thought I would be really depressed for the first nite but its all good. At least I am shielding myself from being hurt.

Whoa here,

Why send a letter to OW? Did you mean to write WH? It is neither appropriate or useful to send a Plan B letter to OW. That was a typo...right?

First of all, she did not send a Plan B letter to the OW. The Plan B letter went to the H. Secondly, Dr. Harley says many times that you send an exposure letter to the OW in an affair situation, this is what was sent. If I didn't have my copy of Surviving An Affair loaned out, I'd give you page numbers where you can see this.

There are many times when letters are sent to the OP and communication happens. The goal here is to end the affair, not become Ms. Manners.

<small>[ February 11, 2004, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: *Takola* ]</small>

I may be completely off base here, but that doesn't sound right...to send an exposure letter to the OW, unless she is unaware your H is married or he has been lying to her also. I'm guessing I'm missing big chunks of the story.

There are situations where communication with OP has helped, but I would seriously reconsider sending a letter. My lawyer friend told me don't put anything in writing you don't want to show up in court. OW have a way of twisting things around...

FYI - Here is the letter.

10 February, 2004


Dear ,

Before I allow my husband’s relationship with you to deplete my love for him and prevent our marriage and family from healing, I rather to give him all the space he needs to make a decision on what he wants for his children and his marriage (which God has ordained). He married me, it was not a trick or by force, but by choice. I have no intention to give up on him or my marriage.

I have decided to sever all contact with him to give him the space that he needs to think this through thoroughly and I ask you to do the same. Family is very important to *** as it is to me, and I have asked God to give me the desire of my heart. I will continue to give God my utmost and if my ways please him he will give me the desire of my heart (if it is Gods will). That is his promise. God has ordained marriage and the marriage bed is undefiled. Adultery is not what God ordained and it is not pleasing in his sight, he will never render peace or blessings to it.

Throughout the past two years I have had trials that have come to make me strong. During those two years I have fallen down sometimes and done some things that weak people do, but I have gained strength from My weakness.

Give him the space that he needs. If you love him as much as you say you do, you’ll do it for him. You know what is right. Do the right thing.

Thanks,

I sent a copy of that letter to WS as well. After he read it he starting talking on Messenger. I did'nt respond. He was totally shocked, but not upset and went on and on and on. I just let him talk then bocked him.

Did you send a Plan B letter to WH too, or was it all spelled out in the letter to OW?

How are things this morning?

Hi Still Waiting,

Thanks for asking. The long Valentine weekend has passed it was good eventhough I was alone it was still good he brought flowers for me at work.

I sent WH a letter and the next day sent OW a different letter copying it to him.

How's the no contact going? It's always hardest in the beginning. Staying out of contact just seems so contrary to what you *feel* is right...but it does work out...at least for you. Read Octobergirl's latest post in "In Recovery" board.

Ok today was not so good. He came for kids and brought the apartment key and left it on the table.

Ugly contact situation after that, left me in tears.

I feel like just letting go.