Just wanted to say that I spoke to Steve Harley today for first time. I was very impressed and he spoke to W for the majority of the time which I consider extremely positive. He quickly and accurately assessed the situation. Sometimes I wonder if I'm looking for too perfect a M but from this board I have seen what is possible and I want that. So I want to thank everyone for their support and for sharing thier stories and experiences but most of all to offer a word of hope. Things get do get better but not always according to our schedule.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jazzey, first you call the main number and make an appointment. They then ask you and your spouse to complete a brief form from the website.
It takes a minute. They then tell you what time to call and you are both on the phone. He then explained his credentials and asked if we were familiar with MB website and principals. As soon as I mentioned I was and what books I read he quickly realized who he needed to speak to. I never mentioned one word about the problem. He simply asked me to hang up and let W speak to him privately. That took 40 minutes of the hour. I then spoke to him for another 10 and then we both got back on the phone for 10 or 15. He is very patient and generous with his time. Very reassuring and in general inspires confidence. We have to complete some forms and fax them back and then we will both speak to him for 1 hour each seperately. Then we will then have another joint call where I suppose he will layout the plan. But it was very comforting for him to assess my marriage within 40 minutes. It was clear to me that the plan isn't about what's right and what's wrong but about fixing your M. I am very encouraged after two years of no movement. It is expensive but a bargain in the end I am sure. Finally, as far as discussing these problems on the phone it is easier. It is so much more anonymous it feels safer for the WS. No judgements, no evil eye, no accusations etc. Suggest you put some money aside for this and continue doing your best in the interim. If you aren't making the progress you hoped for then you should make this call. Have a time line because it really can drag on and on. You need to deal with it, bury it and move on with your lives.

How did your W seem afterwards? Did she say or do anything different?

StillHere, actually she didn't say much. I can honestly say the change is more in me. I went to IC shortly after the call with Steve. She told me to talk about "my" problems and not "our" problems. Well as you might imagine there is ONLY one problem that supercedes all others right now. Trying to gauge her reaction I would say she is starting to realize she is beat. Meaning she is no longer going to be able to convince me that I'm crazy. She knows that this won't go away and the fact that I got Steve involved shows not only resolve but that I have brought in tremendous expertise. She wouldn't possible say that they don't know what they're talking about. She well knows that MB is a very credible thing etc. So I guess I would characterize her as defeated. And while that is not the object it is very comforting to me to know that I am turning the tide. And whether the M survives or not I have finally realized it has been absurd for to remain silent while in OM's company and actually serve him drinks along with the rest of the team. I have really made peace with the fact that I will never be in these peoples company again. OK, sorry to ramble. Next step is the 1 hour call each followed by the joint call. To further difuse my W's argument, when she asked how much did the phone call cost I told her don't worry about I put the money in the bank to cover it. She would love to be able to say we can't afford it but I have removed that objection with the help of my company's support. Thanks for your support and encouragement. I hope somewhere in here I have answered your question.

WOE

sounds like you are doing well. Hang in there.

JGNC

This sounds GREAT!!! You sound like you have validation from professionals (not just amateurs).

Did Steve talk at all about exposing the A to the friends?

StillHere and jgnc,

Steve did not yet mention exposing. We didn't get that far as most of the conversation was between he and W. That was extremely well received by me. After all I have a very good handle on all the concepts by now. I'm doing very well in that I have faith in the plan now. I will follow this through till the end and I am resolved not to be in these people's company again. That may not sound like a perfect plan but it gets me healthy and places the burden where it belongs; on W. She can no longer pretend we have perfect M in front of these people and that will wear her down over time. Even if it doesn't I'll be better for not playing the fool anymore. Thanks for all your encouragement and good luck to you both.