I want your thoughts on the events that lead up to my WW leaving me. You see right now I view things as almost hopeless.

She told me last year on a Saturday she was leaving me. She had already secured her new apartment, had the phone installed and even transfered the newspaper to her new address. She had setup a new checking account in her name only and also opened a credit card account only in her name. Her paycheck had been automatically deposited in her new account the Friday before she left.

The point I am trying to make is that this was not an impulsive more, but was well thought out and well planned.

Even her reasons for leaving me were well planned. They were 1. We had a good marriage but times and people change so we must both move on. 2. OM and her are soulmates and destined to be together for their remaining natural lives 3. I am in good health and earn a decent income so attracting a new make, should that be my goal, will not be difficult.

It is the methodical approach to leaving that has me scared. There was a finality to her actions and attitude that is truely scary. Even now when she calls me to discus matters of common intest (children, certain expenses, etc.) she talks as though we are two good friends who shared an apartment rather than husband and wife.

Frankly, I think my marriage is over.

Hi doorstop,

I can certainly sympathize with your feelings of hopelessness.Your WW was determined to set forth on her "new life" and she did what she had to do to get it going,meanwhile you were left in the dust while her tires were screeching away.

What your WW said to you was classic "fog" talk.For example,my WH had the audacity to tell me one day that he would feel comfortable if I saw other men,this when we were in Plan A and talking.I nearly decked him in the driveway right then and there.I was totally offended,that he should think I would make the same mistake he did and break my marriage vows.He said it as if we were talking about the weather. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

It is unfortunate that some WS's do forge ahead even right through D because they don't look back and therefore cannot see what havoc that have left in their path.Totally selfish and self centered behavior.If your WW was efficient in her life even before her A then it stands to reason that that *may be how "methodical" and organized she could be when it comes to something that she has zeroed in on: her A. It is scary and bewildering how our S's change right before our very eyes.

Are you in Plan B or what is your status? You know,being in Plan B has made me a "superwoman". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I still have my bad days here and there but boy,when I think of how I have been treated these past 5 months,I can honestly say that if my WH leaves and wants a D then he shall be done.If he wants to work on our marriage too,I will be here,at least for now.I hope you can get to a place like that soon.It is empowering.I think it has come from a lot of growth and also I was always a strong woman to begin with.Try to find your strength doorstop.It's not over til it's over.Until then,there is always hope.

O

OctoberG, thank you for the words of advice and encouragement. I have not started a Plan B as of yet. I think I am still to flustered to do it right, so why start it?? That would only make me look foolish.

I have recently come across an e-mail she left behind on our computer. I can hardly believe what I she wrote. A few months ago on her birthday I took her on a overnight riverboat cruise. It was quite nice, with a fine dinner, dancing to an excellent band and lots of fun. I thought we had a great time and everything she said indicated that she had a great time also.

Then I read this e-mail in which she tells the OM that the cruise was fun, but not romantic. She tells him "For the cruise to have been romantic I would have had to be there with you". Such treachery! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> To be betrayed in this way is almost beyond belief.

I hope you see that my current situation is far too emotional for me to even think of Plan B. Right now I avoid talking to her unless it is absolutely necessary to discuss children issues or money. We have been married a long time so we are tied together in many ways.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Doorstop...have you read all the articles in MB...do you really understand what Plan A and PlanB means. It is hard to understand it all when you are still hurt and in pain. It took me sometime before i understand the process of MB, EN and Plan A/B.

Octobergirl...i am in 2nd day of Plan B...i think i know what you mean by becoming a Superwoman!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I am also beginning to feel the hell with WS....!!! I am worth more than OW and if they want to go together...by all means...they deserve each other!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Doorstop,

Depending on when your A started and when you found out,I don't know if you should be in Plan A or B.I guess if you get a profile,we can help you more.In a way,you sound like your in Plan B.You only discuss kids or finances right? That's what I do.Brief e-mails about children or financial matters and lately it is been almost nothing related to those either.

A for your WW e-mail about the riverboat trip,well it figures doesn't it? She is a liar and she was having an A so of course she would say she didn't feel it was "romantic".Simple deductive reasoning,no more.It still hurts yes but it is all part of the deceit.

Plan B will not make you look foolish.If anything it will make you look stronger,that you love WW but that you can no longer be in contact with her since she is hurting you by continuing her A.It is for YOU my friend,for the saving of your feelings for WW and for your sanity even if you do end up D.Plan B helps to stabilize your emotions,at least in my case.

zizzy-

be aware that even though you may feel like a "superwoman" today,tomorrow is another day.Be ready for the rollercoaster ride ok? It is only day 2 for you in Plan B.It took me several weeks in this Plan before I felt like my good days were outweighing my bad days and I could feel like superwoman.Just ride out those dips and curves and you'll come out ok.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />