Brett -

Just stick to the MB plan. Are you getting out and having some fun? I really believe your W will be back. But in the meantime, it is miserable.

Are you still working on things around the house? That will help.

My situation is the same. H is still in the fog and with OW. But he does come around more often. I am doing fine. Time is your friend. The more you can drag it out, the better it will be for you.

No I haven't gotten out to have fun. I spend alot of my free time working on my projects in the garage and keeping up the house. I've got enough to keep me busy in the garage for the next year.Right now I don't mind the solitude.I can see my own work progressing with my labor in a positive direction. So that is satisfying enough right now.

When WW was over the other day I showed her the new bright shop lights I installed and the progress on the Camaro.She seemed impressed. I've got some pics up next to the laundry room doorway in the garage of WW with "her" Camaro, the day it got delivered to our house last august. They are next to pics of her next to a Camaro we saw in memphis at a car event that she really liked and was hoping to make hers look like it.She put the latter pix up herself months ago. She averted her eyes as she walked past them back into the house.

She called last night and left a message saying she was picking up keys to her folks new house and would be making me a set.She is planning on going week on week off visitation with the dog starting tomorrow.My guess is seeing me is causing a sort of withdrawal or feelings of guilt.So she wants to space out our contact.

I'm actually not feeling to bad right now.Been that way a few days.I still love her and want her back.I do see us going into a modified plan B in the future.Modified because we have our dog and her folks new house that we will be jointly handling things for.

I wonder how thick her fog is this week? I already feel empowered to go either way when it does clear.

Brett - The fog stays thick for a couple of months. At least it did for my WH.

I'm glad you are working on things around the house, and the car. However don't become a hermit. You still need to get your needs met by some friends, and going out and having some fun.

Yes,I've been a bit of a hermit.I get to the gym couple times a week but that is about as social as I've been since the superbowl. I will endeavor to get out and about more.

Da fog began in December with the beginning of the A. March is rapidly approaching. We'll see where she's at the end of March.Doubt if I can hold her off til then on the D papers.The stalling is good for maybe another week with my WW. This A seems to be "more fulfilling" of her needs than the one she had before.The fog is probably thicker this time.

Brett - I am going to try to hook you up with Amy. She lives in the same state and is going through the same thing. She is trying to stall for divorce too.

sounds like a plan,thanks.

Brett - I love talking to you. But you will love hearing from Amy. She is one of a kind. She has only been here for a short time. But she has the program down.

Hi BR and Believer

Hang in there BR we are all here for you. Do as they say here. Believer and Amy have the plan down and they are great inspiration to us all. Believer does the fog last for around 2 months after the plan A starts usually? or 2 months all together because it has been since Nov. for me.

Brett -

I talked to Amy and she will post here. I will still post too. She is more your age and is going through the same thing. Plus she lives in your state. I know, it's a big state, but I really think she can help you. She has a great attitude.

Brett -

Hello fellow Idahoan! I was following your story a while ago, like at the beginning of the month. I am trying to catch myself up. A lot has happened in a short period of time for you.

You sound like you are following your plan and working hard and hanging in there. I'm going to keep reading your story.

Just wanted you to know that us Idahoans stick together! What part of the state do you live?

Amy

I live in Boise,been here since Aug.2001. We moved here from Memphis(there 5yrs.).

Today is doggie swap day. Usually she gets in and out while I'm at work.She is dropping off some keys for her folks new house.So she may come over while I'm there.

She filed on the 6th and I've stalled her since then on signing the D papers.With her it is going to last another week maybe.Then I'll have to either come up with another reason or just p@## her off and tell her to get a process server.

She still believes she has found her happiness. The A went into full swing the end of Nov. Since this is the second time around I don't know if I can last in plan A for 6mnths. We hardly have any contact.Last time I saw her I told her to stop by when she can stay longer next time.Though I have no idea what on earth we could possibly talk about that would take longer than 10 minutes.Seeing as how she is deep in the fog and will be for awhile.

Where do you live amy? How have you been able to stall the no default D process?

I live over here in Meridian. I was born and raised in Idaho. Born in Idaho Falls, moved to Boise when I was 7. Lived there until I married H and he had already joined the Army. So, we lived in Tennesee, Kentucky, then I moved back to Boise for a year while he went to Korea on a hardship tour, and then we lived in Germany for 2 years. Then when he got out of the Army, we lived in Virginia for 3 years. We moved back in '99 and bought a home in Meridian.

I haven't actually gotten to the D filing stage yet. In fact, you answered a lot of my questions about Idaho D laws in one of your earlier posts.

My H is convinced that his A made him realize that he has never loved me for the last 15 years we've been together. We are going to MT (Maritial Therapy), but when there he just bashes me, complains about how horrible his life has been (although he seemed a lot happier then than he does now) with me, and told the MT that the reason he is going to counseling is because it is in his nature to give people on last chance. Hmmmmmmm. Fogese for sure. Who exactly is giving whom another chance?

Anyway, as you can tell, I am also slightly long-winded. If you want to get all my details, I have a thread on Just Found Out called "Separated and he has emotionally divorced me." It is currently 7 pages long, but I will be catching up on your history, too, which is not only a few pages, either! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What gym do you go to? I frequent the Idaho Athletic Club here in town. I have enjoyed working out. Especially since I lost 30 pounds with my "stress diet," and now that my stress has gone down, my appetite is back. And I do not want those pounds coming back! I know that is kind-of a girl thing.

Chat at you later. I have a girlfriend in crisis on another board, so I will be bouncing back and forth.

We'll talk about the dog thing next.

Amy

I belong to Golds Gym off of Meridian.Nice,big, new facility. I never had a gym membership anywhere before. I always just ran. I like to compete in road races.Haven't done any in Boise yet.

My W moved to the apartment complex where her and OM work.She's the boss.He's the maintenance guy.Glad he isn't a doctor,lawyer or something. Not that his job is any less important in this world than mine. Just that if he does have his contractors licence, he isn't much of an achiever from my point of view.Considering all the construction here in the Treasure Valley the last couple of years.

I'll have to acquaint myself with your story. What is amazing with what I've learned here at MB is the "fogese" that WS say and do,so textbook.

BR

I have noticed how the fog is so classic also. It amazes me how everyone's stories are the same when the WS talks, walks and acts. It amazes me also.

WW just called me here at work.She wants me to come pick up our dog when I get off. This time she wants me to actually come to the apartment she lives in. She has been in this apt. since jan.9th and I've never seen it.She sounded "different" today. Then again she said it is that time of the month. This must be the weekend OM has all 4 of his kids. Why isn't the "new mom" helping out?
I try to keep track of the visitation of OM's kids but it falls under the "obsession" category and I seem to be detatching myself from that.

As usual when the phone rang I "knew" it was her calling.Psychic connection. She seemed to keep me on the line for no apparent reason. She did this about a month ago too when we talked on the phone. She has a key and garage door opener for her folks house for me. We chatted about the concrete sealer her dad wants me to put on the driveway.

Not looking forward to seeing signs of OM in her place. Guess they aren't cohabitating yet. Not real apprehensive but a bit uneasy about how I'll act and feel in front of her.I sometimes am relieved when she does just sneak in and out, dropping our dog off.

Chin up boy. You can do this. You have been an honorable man. Go to the apartment, hold your head up and do what you have to do.

Brett -

Do as Believer says. It is all we have right now.

I sometimes like NC also. Because then I am on a level emotional keel. I haven't gotten anywhere, but they I don't think and analyze every little stinking thing until the cows come home and someone on here has to tell me to stop analyzing every stinking little thing! Like Believer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Speaking of Believer, could you please contact me on one of my party threads you started, please, so I can give you a Harudah update? Thanks!

Back to you Brett. A lot of our members went to Gold's when they opened. I've heard it is nice. I have been a member of IAC since we moved here in '99. I love the people and the instructors, so no way would I switch. But I have heard great things about it.

Has your dog picked up on any of this stress, like kids do sometimes? I hope that doesn't come across silly of flip, but I am curious if he/she has started having accidents or chewing things or anything like that. Stress is a very scary thing. Chronic.

Chat at you later! Amy

Yes, our dog has picked up on the stress big time. Like I've said before she is the most human dog I know. We got her for a wedding present, she was born 3 days before our wedding. So she is 13 now.A female all black Cocker Spaniel,her name is Chevy(yes we're car nuts). She was a little on the heavy side for her size last fall,almost 30lbs. Now she is a scant 22lbs. her reaction to all this is not to eat. She does o.k. during my visitation, not at Moms though. This past week she did eat while at WW's.

The trip to the apartment was in one word "wow". It looks like she isn't cohabitating. Nothing against apartment dwellers,we lived in them the first 10yrs. of our marriage. But since we bought our first home I kinda forgot what it is like to live like "that". She told me the square footage was as big as our house but the layout makes it look half the size. No LB's from either of us.No mention of D from her(suprise).She wound up with a free home entertainment system by Sony from someone who skipped out and she had to show me the remote. Which looks like a palm pilot and she told me it was worth $300. Whoopee! Like she had nothing else to be proud of. As I was there I didn't "eyeball" too much, afraid of what I might see. Well her bedroom door was shut and there were a couple valentines day cards on the counter. But holy crap what I felt creep up in me as I was there which grew stronger as I drove away was a deeeeepp feeling of PITY. It is hard to fathom what she gave up to live like that, her self esteem must be down in the pit of hell somewhere. Almost overwhelming the impression I got. Sure it has fresh paint and high dollar carpet. But she has throwaway furniture and it is just so...sh@##$ there. A qoute I enjoy from the movie Christine is "Ya know Pepper, ya just can't polish a turd!"

Her mood was a bit subdued, partially due to that time of the month. But I also think she hoped to live in her parents house for 2yrs. until they retire and move here.They better not let that happen. I'd like to read into it also that she may not think that things are as she had hoped.Almost like those pair of shoes you got when you were a kid.It was so magical to look at them for the first time. They felt sooo good when you put them on.You could run like the antelope,leap tall fences and look cool the whole time. But after awhile they were not so squishy,not so bright.They no longer held the same magic, empowering you to do astounding feats of physical prowess.They look just like those 'ol beat up pair at the back of the closet. Now the previous little statement is kinda borrowed from the book Dandelion Wine,I like it.It isn't word for word,its been awhile since I read it.

She wants me to keep the dog a whole week at a time now. Could be she is struggling with this.
All I know is she is the one feeling bad. It is in her eyes, which are windows to the soul. I'll pray for her tonight.

Brett -

Yep, that is exactly how I feel when I go into WH's apartment. Except he has OW's old living room furniture in his place, so I have to supress my gagging while I am there.

I have a plan for that, though. I think I might take a very sharp knife with me next time I get to go in there, and slash the sofa and chairs, so the cushions hang out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then he'll have to go get new furniture from the Salvation Army - which was the plan in the beginning, by the way.

My WH is so deep in the fog, it is not even funny. He just got a "fix" from her today, since they were at the same Scouting function. Check out my thread about this to ARK here in General Questions.

Scouts and that furniture are the source of much unhappiness for me. BUT, time will heal all, eventually.

I am not too uplifing today. Harudah really took everything out of me. I took a short nap, but I hate waking up to hearing my boys arguing about stupid stuff, and that is what I woke up to. They will argue about NOTHING sometimes, just to argue. I am an only child, so I do not understand siblings. Apparently, they are "normal." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, I'll try and wake up more. I wish I had a Coke or something. But, alas, I do not.

Us girls went dancing at a club I had never been to in Meridian last night. We had a blast, but I drank too much beer and have paid all day. Paid and paid and paid! Ugh.

I wonder what happened to Believer. She shouldn't leave us all unsupervised for such a long period of time. No telling what kind of trouble we could get into.

I wonder what could have compelled her to leave her chair in front of her computer. Hmmmmmmmm. Must be an emergency. She must have needed milk, or to try and make her butt un-flat from all the sitting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hugs to you! You are doing awesome. Chat at you later. I still have to read your story! I feel like a slacker today. I haven't even loaded the dishwasher! Blah.

Amy

Sounds like you are doing fine. It was good that you saw how your wife is living without you. Let her stew in her own juices awhile.

I just got back from fishing in the rain. It is pouring here now. We are not used to that in southern Cal.

Hang in there everyone. It's gonna be a rough ride.