Thanks, Brett. What you are saying makes sense to me. It still hurts the heart, though.

I am off to this IC session. I'll post later and let you know what happened.

SS

No problem with the house. It's mine. Both Camaros are mine. All the bills are mine. And God is carrying me through it all.

My reply was just that I'm getting closer. My IC had some valid points about that. But he doesn't tell his patients what to do. They must come to their own decision. He just doesn't want me to hang onto a "false hope." That she will come back again. If she does he has also told me how much work it would take on her part. But with her being with OM she isn't anywhere near getting to the first step. I already have a good idea what it would take. Thanks to this forum and the books I've read.

I just need to reach a point within myself that I can take it or leave it. Considering our history and her stubborness, she may not come back this time for fear of failure. Even though she has no idea of the possibilities. This may be her "exit" affair. Which will lead her to a life of misery. I pity her.

Back to the wax job on the car. Turns out inlaws concrete is already sealed. Didn't notice last time cuz it was wet. Today the sun is shining.

Hope SS session went well.
Seeya
Brett

My session did go well, thank you. I changed my topic title and posted. I'll give more details later.

When we spoke with WH's IC, who is now our new MC, he talked a lot about how someone feels when they are truly ready for D.

It is not angry and mean and defensive like my WH is now (even though that is what he says he wants).

It is a calm, maybe sad, but deep knowing that the individual is done.

And while I know I am not ready for D, talking about it today did not make me cry or feel panicked. I am seeing it as a viable option, if we both give this M a go, and are still not happy.

But I will wait for the calm, for the true knowing, before I D.

Basically, I think you are doing all the right things right now. I think you will know, when you know for sure. Does that make sense?

WH might be coming over for dinner tonight. I am waiting for him to tell me yes or no. I think tonight will be no, but I have let him know that I want to spend time with him.

And him telling me no will not hurt my feelings or make me sad or anything. I am in such a better place for this than I was 9 weeks ago.

I am feeling very positive. Very calm and peaceful.

You are right about your WW, if she does D you and try and "move on." That is what the MC said to WH today. He told WH that if he didn't deal with this now, he would be dealing with it in his next relationship.

I agree. That is why I want to improve myself, also. Because even if we get a D, I don't want to take all my crap with me to the next person.

You are right to feel pity for her. She will find no happiness. She only has that within herself. And she cannot see it. Same with my WH.

Chat at you later. SS

Sounds very good SS. Yes, it does make sense about knowing when to D. Without putting much thought about it in that direction, subconciously I've been leaning that way. Now that you have put it in perspective for me it makes better sense as to why I'm hanging on.

Like I said before I know WW almost at a telepathic level. I have come to believe that her wanting me to sign and let her go is a way for her to gain closure. What she fails to realize is that it is just a piece of paper. Albeit with some enourmous symbology behind it. But it will not solve her inner turmoil, or make this A any better. I believe that she is expecting her life to get better once we are D. NOT! Whatever isn't pleasant about the way she feels will not go away. I'm dealing with my problems head on, she is running from hers.

Well, as I suspected, he bailed on dinner.

In fact, he called at 4:30 to tell me that he had to work late, could I feed the boys and he would pick them up at 6 instead of 5. I said sure.

I have a large plant on a high plant shelf that is turning yellow. I cannot reach it. Since we had a good meeting today, I wanted him to water it for me (he is taller than me).

Usually, he comes to the door, and comes in when he picks up the boys. Today, I saw his car out front. He wasn't getting out.

So, I went out there to ask him if he'd water that plant when he brought the boys home for bed tonight (I'll be gone at yoga).

When I got to his side of the car, he grudgingly rolled down his window about 1 inch, and wouldn't even look at me, with a pissy look on his face.

I asked him if he would water the plant later, I had everything out for him. He said yes. I asked him if he was OK, and he said yes.

Then the boys were by the car, messing around. So he kind-of snapped at them, telling them to get in so they could go. Then he pulled out of the driveway in an angry way.

??????????

What the . . . ???????

Is he mad now that he's had time to think, about the counseling? Does he regret agreeing to couples counseling again, since he seems pretty sure about the D? He said he cannot stand to look at me or be near me today in our counseling appointment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Is he pulling back because he felt exposed and vulnerable to me?

How confusing. His behavior baffles me. My friend told me to not even think about it, since everything he does baffles us.

I just wonder if he will ever be able to look at me again. Is his guilt and shame becoming a heavier burden than he can bear? And if so, how does that burden come off? What is the fallout from that kind of thing? Good grief.

Any ideas?

SS

SS - Don't try to analyze him. No telling what he is thinking. Go on with your life and quit thinking about him.

I know, I know.

He is acting so putzy! And immature! And making this so hard on everyone!

He has no CLUE how lucky he is.

Vent vent vent.

OK, I am going on with my life.

I am going to watch TV until time for yoga. Then I will come home, wash my face, put on comfy sleep clothes, get a good book, and fall asleep on the couch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OR, do all of the above except fall asleep in my bed under my nice warm electric throw.

I haven't decided which yet.

Decisions decisions decisions. I DO know which pajamas I will be wearing, however. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thank you! Wise Believer lady! SS

I just feel like your H will be back. He just doesn't know how right now. Men are so stupid (sorry guys). They just can't admit they were wrong.

Your best bet is to go on with your life. Make things pleasant in your home - for you and your boys. Then get ready to wait. And please have some patience.

Believer is right, we men have a hard time admitting we are wrong. I've been there. I'll admit it but grudgingly. Now how do women admit when they are wrong? My WW is pretty stubborn. Trying to imagine what she'll say or do if/when she realizes she was wrong. Can't imagine it right now.

I remember when my WW used to call on me cuz of my height(6'2"). She wasn't short(5'10"). But once in a while she needed my reach. It felt good when she asked for stuff like that.

I washed and waxed the hot rod today.All by hand. So it took 5 hours. I'm tired. But there isn't crap on tv. As usual. I'd pop in a movie but I don't want to get involved and miss the weather forecast at nine.

SS, sounds like WH needs more self-reflection. From what I've read here he may swing to either side of the fence from time to time. Just remember the Nestle's Quick bunny"paitience is a virtue." Just don't do what he did and inhale the whole thing at once.

I haven't really been writing lately but I've been reading a bit, mostly because I think each situation is so individual that it is hard for people to give advice. Also I was feeling stronger on my own with God's help, not that I didn't appreciate everyone trying. But something you said caught my eye and I had to reply.

You said you hoped God would correct you if you were praying your marriage would work out and that wasn't what He wanted for you. Don't ever think that God does not want your marriage to work out. Goe is the originator of marriage and the Bible actually states at Malachi 2:16"For he has hated a divorcing, Jehovah, the God of Israel has said.." Fornication(including adultery) is the only scriptural grounds for divorce but that is the wronged spouses choice.

So don't ever think that God may not want the same thing you want if you want your marriage to work. You definitely have him on your side if you are willing to really ask for his guidance and direction.

Hope things go well for you!

Thank you.

Good grief, Brett! You almost fell off the first page of the Board again! Sheesh!

Two things. First, I posted over on Recovery, aptly titled "Should I be on the Recovery Board [yet]?" Check it out.

Second, I am going to go get my oil changed right now. That darn light came on again last night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I guess it wasn't a short, after all!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Great to hear you aren't going to let that engine sieze up! Those bearings and pistons like lots of lubrication. Keep an eye on it. We need to do our part to make sure the Clampett's stay in B.H.'s Or to be more correct keep the Prince in his palace, with a fleet of Mercede's.

Brett -

I was only 1 quart low! That's not too bad, is it?

And I got new windshield wiper blades. Mine were all ragedy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WH send me email. Check it out on Recovery board. It's called "VETS! Opinion, please!"

Let me know what you think. It is long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

SS

Went to the gym this a.m. No treadmill,bummer.
Worked on hot rod. Cruised to the park with my dog and let her chase geese and ducks. Had to scrape geese sh@$ off my shoe before getting back into car. Yes, that is what floor mats are for. But I had a wad of it on my shoe.

Read your post SS. Like I said there, he is swaying on the fence. He'll lean your way again.
Would like that opportunity myself. But my WW sees greener grass and has jumped the fence and is frolicking in it with OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Spider Slayer:
<strong> Brett -

I was only 1 quart low! That's not too bad, is it?


SS </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know this wasn't to me, but....

The answer is, it depends.

My Geo Prizm (Toyota Corolla, built in California, USA with a Chevy/Geo badge) has a 3.2qt oil capacity. So 1 quart low is about 1/3rd of the oil gone.

FWIW,

Tony

I know this post doesn't involve me either but had to comment (being married--at least legally yet at this point, to an auto tech):

When your oil light comes on, NEVER ignore it. It's usually pretty darned low at that point--in our case it barely appears on the tip of the dipstick. We have this car, now belongs to DS that will go months without using a drop and will then just inhale like 2 quarts in a week. Done it for years and has no other problems, so we just keep our eye on it. DS hasn't figured this out yet. I await the day he locks up the engine, but in the mean time, funny story--DS is not a man who knows how to do "man" things:

He calls at work: "Mom, my oil light is on? I checked it and it's low. Where do I add the oil? Do I just put it in the hole that the stick goes in?"

(I wanted so badly to say "yes" and then laugh thinking about where he was going to find the teeny-weeny funnel small enough to do that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , but was kind and told him to look for the big gray cap on the top of the engine with the picture of the oil can on it.)

LL

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

That reminds me of a funny story. Years ago when I was in the airforce. I was a regular at the base auto hobby shop(place where you can go work on your own vehicle). They had tools,lifts,etc. There was this one guy(civilian) who had gotten out of the AF after 4yrs and got a job there. He had a twisted sense of humor, we got along great. His nickname was Pugsly, it fit. The civilian who ran the auto hobby shop was just like the old man in the movie Christine, foul mouth,cigar and all. Great place to hang out and work on the hot rod. Well anyway. One day this officer comes in with a toyota or honda something or other, to change his own oil. Well he did fine right up to the point where he asked Pugsly "I poured the recommended amount in the valve cover, how come I can't see the oil yet? Did I add enough?" Well good ol Pugsly smiled with a sh@# eating grin and said "Keep filling it up til ya see the oil." Well this poor officer got someone to give him a ride to the base gas station to go get more oil. He made two or three trips as I recall. He filled 'er up alright, 'til he could see the oil. Man this still makes me chuckle... When he finished, he hopped in and inserted key into ignition and turned. That poor starter that could, went, rrraaawwhh, rrrrawwwwhh. There was so much bloomin' oil in that little tiny engine, that little starter couldn't even turn that motor over. hahahahahahaha! Needless to say Pugsley had his fun and that officer paid to have his oil changed from then on. I've got a couple friends from then that I stay in touch with to this day. We still laugh our butts off, when we talk about some of what went on back then. I should put some of that on paper,lest we forget.

Good to end the day with a laugh...

That is a good story. I envy people that know about cars. It is very miserable when something goes wrong and you don't have the slightest idea how to fix it, or even what happened.

I am lucky though, because one of the guys at work is giving me a ride there and home everyday. So I guess I need to be very thankful.

Brett -

How's your day going? Thanks for sharing that story with us yesterday. You guys are BAD! And funny. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Today has gone pretty good. I communicated with WH again. It was good. Just about thoughts, and reflections, and the boys.

It was positive and upbeat. Through email.

I don't know where we are going. Maybe to Divorce Court, but hopefully by the time we get there we can be amicable.

I do love him, but he has hurt me so badly. Insult upon injury. I despair of him coming out of the fog. What if he took up residency there?

What if this is who he truly is? Good grief.

I cannot travel down that path of thinking. Sorry about that.

How's your dog? Your toe? Hee-Haw? The Duke's? Your cars? Um, your job? Your one molar?

Don't hold back. Let us hear it all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SS