Brett - Stick with us. I think very few of us are constantly doing things according to the MB program.

Enjoy your time with WW's parents. You sound like you are a great SIL.

Remember your wife brought this on herself. I still think she will want to come back, but whether you will want her back is a different story.

Brett:

"Today I don't want WW in my life anymore. "

I still think you are moving far 2 fast on this one.

As I was told many times when I complained and wanted a DV, "You haven't EARNED a DV."

You haven't.

-ol' 2long

Once again you are wiser than I 2long. There is a disturbed self here. One that has been disturbed for 25 years. That is the baggage I brought into my marriage. I may not have earned the right to D. But I have earned the right to work on the disturbed. That journey is where I'm heading now. It takes me away from the paths that the people here with the sand to make it have followed. The abuse I suffered as a child made me who I am today. I have chosen to work on that. Wrong or right I sent an email today after a phone conversation with WW;

I told you today. I told you that I had stepped through the doorway. Did you hear it close? I told you I met someone. I told you I signed the paperwork.

It is merely paper. It doesn't change what is inside of us. It doesn't change my heart. I still know it's you when the phone rings. I still love my wife. I still miss my wife. That is the empty hollow in my soul. It is the sorrow that fills the black clouds above the ship in the storm upon which I ride.

I don't miss what you've become. I don't love who you are. That is the double edged sword with the dull and jagged blade which has ripped through my heart.

As the future unfolds, one thing is certain I only would want us to be happy together as husband and wife. If that is not to be then we will forever part. For as long as you chose to live the life you have now, I will endeavor to move on.

I continue to work towards change. The possibility of change is there, with hard work and following Gods will. You opened my eyes to change. If you can change and chose to love another so can I.

The person that I met has a kind heart, one that I will treat with respect. I'm still hurting and she knows that. She knows that my wife left me when I still loved her very much.

I have discovered much about myself the past weeks. Some is bad, but there is a treasure of good as well. The bad can change, it can be managed.With the passage of time I will emerge as a new man.

I'm sorry for my failings during our marriage. I'm sorry we couldn't share our problems with each other. I'm sorry we couldn't roll up our sleeves and work them out together. I'm doing that alone now.

Deep within the heart is the essence that defines who we are.For me, the closest definition of the man that I am at this moment in time can be heard in the song "Serenity" by Godsmack. The definition of serenity is; a quality or state of being clear and free of storms or unpleasant change. Knowing the definition along with listening to the lyrics gives a profound feeling to the man that I am. I need serenity in a place where I can hide. I'm the one that loves you no matter wrong or right. I'm the one in your soul reflecting inner light.

love Brett

I see things clearer when I write them out like that. There was kind of an evolving feeling throughout that. Brings me to the place that I am. Which is where 2Long said I shouldn't be. Dadgummit gets me all bowed up! It surely does.
Sorry I've tripped again.

Brett-

I am so glad that you told your wife the truth. It is important to be honest with her.

Now you can kick back and enjoy your weekend.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong>
As I look around at friends, I see that many of them make mistakes too. However their husband has not wandered. Ours was a good marriage. My husband said so, his family said so, and everyone thought we were happy. However my best was not good enough for him. He has many things to be grateful for, but it was never enough.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believer, I think you have pretty much said it all. I made mistakes in our marriage, but my wife was always the #1 person in my life, always! Other men do dumb things, many make more serious mistakes that I did, but their wives did not wander off into an affair. She also had many good things to be grateful for, but she chose to close her eyes to them.

I will disagree with one thing you said about your best not being good enough. I doubt if your husband or my wife have taken the time or effort to appreciate our best. They are so focused on the other person that they don't realize what we did for them, how much we loved them, and the awful damage they have done.

<small>[ March 21, 2004, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: JustinExplorer ]</small>

WW called this evening. Our dog's heart stopped. She attempted to do cpr and the dog came around. Good thing she lives where she does,there is a 24hr vet right next door. So our dog is spending the night there. Her parents were there too. So I drove over to see our dog, just in case it would be the last time. Then I had to go to WW's apt. for some stuff FIL brought for me. Then we did our usual sit outside and b.s. while he smoked. Well I got to see new furniture, a new big screen t.v. And thought about WW telling me earlier that she had no $$ to pay the vet. Hmmm... Well I made it through about half of Dad's cig and told him I'm very uncomfortable here I gotta go. I told him bye and MIL. Then bailed while WW was "hiding" in the back room.My closeness to her folks bothers her right now.Good.

Tough evening. Right now I'm not regretting signing and moving on. But it still hurts. Lost my W now my dog is in her twilight time. Us being unable to have kids, caused us to become attached to our dog like she was our kid. Knowing full well that her candle was burning 7 times as fast.

I am so sorry about your sick dog. I know how you feel.

Also I'm glad you got to see where wife's money is going. But you have done the right thing by her. That's all that matters. You have been very good to her and she may still realize what she is losing.

My email to WW must've knocked her for a loop, she hasn't replied.

Brett - Don't worry about her. How is your doggy?

All you have to do is be honest with what is going on with you. You owe that to her, because she is still your wife. Other than that, just continue on with your counseling and life.

One of the valves in my dogs heart isn't working right now. So she only has half a heart right now. Da#$ that sounds bad. Know what that's like. They got her on meds and she'll get better or she won't. So I'll have to go to ww's apt to see the dog from now on.

Other than that I had a nice visit with Inlaws helped install drapes at their house. MIL says OM told WW that he saw me w/date at concert. That's funny I don't even know what the booger looks like. Brainwashing WW for sure. Good luck little man.

Got IC tomorrow a.m. then more time with Inlaws.

Your wife is having to face the consequences of her decisions. It is never good to let a husband run around loose too long. She has to expect you to try to meet your needs elsewhere.

But continue with your counseling and stick with us. You want to be prepared for any new relationships and not drag along any baggage.

Right, thanks. No baggage and most of all no skeletons in the closet.

Brett - Any updates?

Had a nice visit with inlaws. They are spending the night. WW got signed papers today. No reply to my email. Our dog is acting just fine.

And get this OM approached FIL and said he wanted to talk. FIL said they would talk before he left. If FIL tells OM what is on his mind it would be priceless to see that. I've never seen OM. Don't want to. FIL said some stuff to me that he'd like to say. I hope he does. Today I felt like if I did meet OM I'd like to tell him thank you and good luck. I may feel different tomorrow, maybe not.

Oh, that is just great. That takes a lot of nerve for him to say he wants to talk to your FIL. What could he possibly say? After all, he is in the middle of an A with a married woman.

Be prepared for some real fog talk. You are right not to want to see OM. You already know what kind of person he is.

Right, thanks. No baggage and most of all no skeletons in the closet.
Hmm? Okay, so they are not in the closet at least (see below).

You wrote, "I may not have earned the right to D. But I have earned the right to work on the disturbed."
Then that is what you should be doing. If you KNOW something is wrong, then don't do it. Stop and figure out why you do it.

I told you today. I told you that I had stepped through the doorway. Did you hear it close? I told you I met someone.
??? How did you feel when you found out about your wife "meeting" someone?

I don't miss what you've become. I don't love who you are. That is the double edged sword with the dull and jagged blade which has ripped through my heart.
[sarcasm mode on]
This is going to really win her back.
[sarcasm mode off]

It is merely paper. It doesn't change what is inside of us. It doesn't change my heart. I still know it's you when the phone rings. I still love my wife. I still miss my wife. That is the empty hollow in my soul. It is the sorrow that fills the black clouds above the ship in the storm upon which I ride.

As the future unfolds, one thing is certain I only would want us to be happy together as husband and wife
Huh? If you want to be married to her, then why are you seeing someone before the divorce papers are even completely filed? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
If at one time you did NOT think it was okay for her to see someone, why is it now okay for you to do the same?

<small>[ March 24, 2004, 09:21 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Ouch! Good 2X4, I must be wanting those cuz I keep coming back for more.

You're right I don't think it is right to be seeing someone. Not til I'm done. Isn't fair for her. Went to lunch, went to the concert. And now I feel like an a$$. Because I think I did that out of spite/anger. Not because I was ready.Like I said in my email she knows I still have feelings for WW. I've been an idiot. Hoping things to move as fast for me as they have for WW. The timeline for the past A's match up to right about NOW. So like an idiot I thought I could speed it up. Not. I'm saddened but not depressed to the point of agony the last couple of weeks. But still majorly confused. I want to give up. I want to throw in the towel. I feel better when I resign myself to that train of thought. But all it takes is one phone call from WW to confuse me. She called this afternoon to give me an update on the dog and stayed on the phone chatting much about nothing for ten minutes. The tone in her voice was like nothing was wrong between us. She talked to me like she always did. If that makes any sense. With the exception of no ILY.

Ah h#!! I've messed things up..again.

You have not messed anything up. You are doing your best, which is all any of us can do.

Keep posting and sharing your feelings here with us. This is hard and lonely and scary. I understand you seem to be approaching a time period that is making you nervous or anxious.

It is OK to feel that way. Just let the feelings flow through you, and they will flow out. And more will come.

And you will come here an vent, and we will all read and be here for you.

Lots of love and HUGS!

SS

I had a nice reply but...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> AAARRRHHHGGG!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
Aren't computers fun?

Feelings are feelings, not good or bad.
It's how we act on those feelings which can cause havoc.

Ouch! Good 2X4, I must be wanting those cuz I keep coming back for more.
Than you sir! Please may I have another?

Hoping things to move as fast for me as they have for WW
The faster the ride, the quicker the stop (and more tragic the results)

The faster the ride, the faster the stop.
Well, a friend of mine has taken me up into the mountains here and shown me some neat stuff since I've lived here. To get to some of the places it takes a decent 4x4 and some serious cajones. His mantra always was"Go faster get past danger quicker!" I've always thought it was only a matter of velocity to make it through anything. Not in matters of the heart though. To bad the laws of physics do not apply here.

Thanks SS, how R TINGS? Haven't got my bridgework yet. Can't wait. I'm tired of dribbling down my chin whenever I drink out of an old mason jar.

I think I'll go blow some carbon off the tops of my pistons....