Brett, Brett, what are we going to do with you? You are a good man who got into a terrible situation and you are doing your best.

True, you should not be dating. You are still married. You are still not ready to give your heart to someone else. It is not fair to the girl you dated.

I think you should continue counseling to get rid of those demons. Then stay with us to work through whatever the outcome is. In the meantime, lean on the Lord. He will help you through this.

Things are going well, I think. WH and I had lunch today. It was nice. I looked into his eyes, and smiled at him, and he did it back to me.

That pleasantly surprised me. He has not been able to make eye contact with me for a long time, let alone gaze deeply in my eyes.

When I dropped him off, I pecked him on the cheek. He looked a bit upset.

So I sent him a text message, telling him I apologized for upsetting him, but the message stayed in my outbox. So, I called him. He had just gotten the TM, and he said he was not mad at all, it just surprised him.

He said he is going to tell me when he gets upset from now on, that it is now his job.

I am hopeful. Each day I feel he is tuning in more and more to me. Even if his feelings are not with me yet, his attention is, and I'm hoping the feelings will follow.

He is going on faith right now that it is a process, and if he sticks with it, he will feel love for me again.

At least he remembers loving me again. And doesn't think marrying me was a mistake.

Anyway, I am rambling. Hang in there. Please remember that WH was asking for a D on Friday! It is so hard to know what these people are going to do in the fog.

Mine is finally coming out. AMEN!!!!

SS

SS:

good for you! My FWW thinks that marrying me was a mistake again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

-ol' 2long

P.S. Oh, and so it isn't a threadjack: Brett, don't date.

Wonderful SS! I pray that you two make it. That is what M is all about. Making it through the seasons of love.

Sorry 2long, no worries on the jack. Hey that reminds me of the old AC/DC tune "She's got the Jack" Yah, if I win the lotto I'll buy my own radio station, I'm a rockologist as well.

No dating, thinking with the little head will get me into trouble.

Inlaws are going to try and see The Passion and get WW to go.

And believer I'm seeking an exorcist for those demons. My writing helps. I need to dive into the longer version of my previously mentioned short story.My night in H#!! You may see it in print someday.

Brett -

Keep on with the MB program. I think you are going to make it. We all have problems sticking with the program. But I think you are doing fine, all things considered.

Nothing of note to report. Dog is doing fine. Should do the swap on Sunday. Inlaws called me this a.m. to say bye. NC from WW for a couple days. I haven't sent her an email for a couple days either. I may do that.

And your little friend?????

I've talked to her on the phone a couple of times this week. It is nice to have the attention I'm starving for. But I do realize I'm not ready for a relationship. Yes, I've let her know that as well. She has told me she enjoy's my company. So I guess she likes my hillbilly looks.Am I fogging?

Brett -

No you are not fogging. You have been very honest with your wife and your friend. Yes, you are starving for attention. I can't blame you for that. It is very, very sad to go through all of this.

What you need to do is keep working on yourself. Yes, I've said that over and over. Don't drag your baggage in to your next relationship.

And I hope you will be good to your new friend. Let her know what is going on in your life. She sounds like a good person.

Hm, fogging. Well, if that means you are continuing to do something you know you are not supposed to be doing, then I would say yes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think WH is coming over to watch a movie with the boys and I tonight. He wasn't going to, but now he is. Interesting.

Anyway, please be true to yourself. As Redhat says, do everything so that when you look back in 10 years you have no regrets.

Believer sure is persistent about your friend, isn't she???

I am a glutton for punishment and challenging the forces of nature, so I am posting on the Recovery board again. Check out my thread over there if you have some time to kill.

I am changing my strategies and everything for a new game, now. It's funny - I feel like I was chasing after WH so hard, and he was running so fast, and then when I wasn't paying attention he just stopped running and turned around and looked at me.

And I just stared at him. The Recovery folks are helping me get moving again. Strange times.

Chat at you later. I'm glad you got rescued from the second page. It's been busy around here! Maybe something in the water or the planets on the horizon, or something!

SS

Spiderslayer- Yes I am after him about his friend. I have been writing to him for a long time. At first he wrote every day. Now he is not writing so often. So I believe he is involved with his friend.

There can't be that many airplanes that need to be worked on.

You know me so well believer.. No there aren't that many airplanes out there. But this week we have an instructor out here from Memphis teaching/refreshing us about the Pratt and Whitney jet engine that is on some of our newly acquired airplanes. He is also a former Michigander. I'll be bending his ear the next couple of days. I had him as an instructor back in Memphis and recall him telling about his D a few yrs ago. Now he tells us he is engaged.

I used to post every day here. I was full of inner anxiety over my situation. But I began to realize I cannot do anything to affect WW. She is on her own path and I mine. She chooses NC with me for the most part. With the exception of our dog and her folks house. But strangely enough if I send her an email it is answered fairly promptly, unless she is having a busy day at work.Hmmm..

Since I broke my toe I don't have the inner anxiety. Sometimes its anger I feel. I more or less threw in the towel. I don't really care what she does w/her life. I just know I need to concentrate on me. With my childhood issues and pushing beyond her multiple A's. But I also have had an inner sadness to replace the anxiety. Not the depression I felt before. But an inner sadness of the futility of hope. WW is a bullheaded individual like her Dad. Probably why FIL and I get along so well, cuz WW and I got along so well.

It is heartwarming to hear that SS has had a turnaround. At the same time I was jealous. We kinda clicked there for awhile. The commonality of our situation and geographic closeness. While she had a breakthrough I was still spinning my wheels in the muck. I stopped spinning my wheels cuz I put it in park, rolled the windows down and took a look around. I've looked at myself with all my baggage and at my wanting to control the outcome of my situation. Full stop. No control and I'm working on the baggage. But yet I allowed a distraction. Suffered a bit of my own fog and still suffering. I hope that I've learned enough to not think with my little head here and instill more fog. My "friend" sees a person that I've never been. I'm liking that person too. It's nice to have someone notice. Fog or what I don't feel guilty when I have talked to her or the 2 times I took her out. I've moved too fast as 2long says. Maybe so, but the history of my M has been the motor driving the speed. The previous 2 seperations I hung out in a pit of depression, doing nothing, until WW came back. Some of this seems the same, some of it completely different. Already I don't feel the deep hurt anymore. Just a sadness of the finality of it all.

Now what believer,SS?

Brett -

I want you to have all the happiness you deserve. You are truly a decent man. That is one lucky "friend!"

I feel bad talking about my breakthroughs, because I know others are wanting the same thing. Like the orphan out of many who gets adopted. The others are happy, but sad.

I still might not end up with WH. He has made no commitments to me. He has made no promises. I have no idea what goes on in that head of his.

This is just as scary as the other stuff I have been dealing with. My heart and feelings are still out there, on the line, with no guarantee they will be taken care of.

BUT, I have moved forward. There are no guarantees about anything, after all, are there?

Hang in there. Keep posting. HUGS!

SS

WW called this a.m. doggie was very ill. She took her to the vet. She's slipping away from us it seems. She's not suffering right now. But she may get worse in the next 2wks. Not happy about it. Realizing the reality of a dogs life sucks.

Brett - I think your dog has been very lucky to have 2 loving owners. I am a dog lover, and think the way many people treat their dogs is terrible.

We have 2 dogs - Leo, a pitbull, who has to go, because of his breed. I am still trying to find a good home for him. He is a wonderful dog, and does not deserve the pitbull reputation.

Our other dog is a german shephard who was very attached to my WH. When he left me, he completely abandoned her too. Sometimes I think it made me sadder to think of her pain than my own. She just waited and waited for him.

I don't know if you read my post, but I finally took her to WH's house and tied her to OW's car. Our whole family was in an uproar about it, but it turned out to be the best thing. Now she is living with my step-daughter who is home all day. Also WH now visits her daily.

I hope you are doing well and hanging in there. I still think your WW will come back, but I realize you are making changes and may not want her. You seem like a good man. I am sure there is someone else out there that will be the helpmate you deserve.

Brett -

Where have you been? A Pratt and Whitney jet engine cannot be that interesting.

Went to church today and a song we sang hit me. It was about "following hard after the Lord". It really made me think of you. I hope you are continuing your spiritual growth.

Just finished up the Jet Eng. course. Almost time to go home and see my WW bring our dog over.

Yes I am walking on my path of spirituality. Hopefully following God's will.

Hey you two. Sorry I haven't corresponded lately. WH has been wanting to spend lots of time together, and I'm all for that!

He wrote OW a goodbye letter last night. He plans on telling me if she responds to him via email or phone. I don't believe he plans on contacting her.

We are still on shakey ground. We are committed to try, but he still has feelings for her.

He does realize what he has here, realizes it will not work with her for many reasons, and is grateful that I will have him.

He feels pretty bad about himself right now. Both for what he has done, and how he still feels. And things he still thinks.

But he is calling to see if he can get out of his lease sooner than 4 more months, and move back home. We have a long way to go, but I feel we are on the same path, finally.

All I could do today in church was thank God. I am on Cloud 9. I am blessed.

Thank you both for hanging in there with me. I know I will need more picking up and dusting off, because I am a chronic face-faller.

Gotta love me! At least I can kill my own spiders now.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That's wonderful news SS. I'm so glad WH stopped straddling the fence and stopped being so,well, cranial rectally impacted. May the Lord bless your M with all the riches it deserves. And may it be a loving and stable home that your children can emulate in their own adult relationships someday(good stuff only).

WW brought our ill doggie over today, her name is Chevy(go figure). We talked about her and what her health concerns are. We sat on the floor w/Chevy and WW actually let me hold her hand. We cried a little together. Hugged a couple of times. Before she left she hugged me again in the front yard with neighbors out in their yard even. I told her that I've missed her. She hesitated and responded with a I miss you too. Her tone in her voice did not have the same meaning/feeling behind it that mine did when I said it. Who knows? Not getting my hopes up. But could she have had a "moment" out of the fog?

Spiderslayer -

Hang in there girl. And keep letting us know what is going on. I am very happy for you. Now it's time to build some new memories together. Keep him busy hiking or something, try some new things. Of course he will be missing his little fantasy, but I think you can rebuild a better marriage than ever.

Brett - I have high hopes for you too. You are getting better and better. Your wife is making a big mistake if she lets you get away. But you still have some time and miracles happen every day.

Stick with us, and you will become a better person. You will be glad that you did all you could to save your marriage, and will be free to move on.