Okay, for those who read about WH going on a job interview and my misgivings because it was the same old song and dance I've heard before...

It is the same old song and dance. There's this guy that he is always in cohorts with trying to find the big $$ -- always chasing the mighty $$. They both have started and lost TWO businesses. They both have decided it was because the two of them were not in business together. WH's job had major cutback so he calls this guy and tells him he's looking for a new job. This is many states away. I am the one w/the stable job and insurance. WH tells me this job is guaranteed to pay XX amt of $$s plus commission so he cannot pass up the chance to go there and interview. Says company is paying for him to go there, etc. Hmmm, never asked for a resume??? Says he'll be staying w/friend.

WH goes Sat evening because he needs TWO full days there to check out the business and interview and "hit the ground running." His return would be this morning. I am told day of leaving that he will now be staying at a hotel. Friend doesn't have his own place to live. (Does WH ever have a straight story? And, by the way, I don't think he was going to have an A or anything. It's just the lying!) Calls Sat night to tell me he's there and that he is planning on being at the business 10a Sun to check it out and spend whole day there.

WH calls at 11 -- just got up -- partied night before and stayed up much of the night talking w/friend. Now, I wouldn't have had a problem w/him doing this except for the fact that I am NEVER given a straight story. I get another call at 4p -- seems he only spent an hour at the business, not much going on. He and friend are going to "plug #s" for the rest of the day.

Long story short, there was NO interview on Sunday like he said. There was one on Monday. I think I was being taken advantage of, again, so he could extend his stay and have his own little mini vacation away from us. PLUS, and I said this was going to happen, he came back w/an offer that wasn't even near what he said it was going to be.

He forgot to take his medication w/him (he's bi-polar).

I just can't take all this gray area any more w/him -- it's wearing me down!

But then, I'm terrified. I'm terrified to divorce him because of his illness and just the way he is. Our kids are young (1 1/2 & 3 1/2) and the court's pretty much do equal custody no matter what from what I have been told -- so I'm terrified of him being like he is now w/out me being around and him being responsible for the kids. When he doesn't take his meds, he is very irritable and confrontational even w/3 1/2 yr old. He sleeps all the time whether he's in charge of the kids or not. He denies this but I have caught him 3x! Once 3 yr old was sick w/stomach virus and throwing up all over the place. WH stayed home w/child. I came home around 10a because I had a bad feeling of leaving him in his care and WH was in his bed sleeping and sick child was laying on sofa watching TV. Next time, youngest (about 6 mos at the time) was screaming in her crib because she had awakened from nap but WH was sleeping on sofa and didn't hear her. 3rd time, he was asleep on the sofa and kids had gotten a bottle of sunscreen and had it all over the place!

I feel like I am backed into a corner... Any suggestions? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi SD,

I think I posted to you before about this.It sounds to me like your WH hasn't made any viable changes necessary for you to feel comfortable giving up your primo job and sacrifice the stability the kids have.

From what you have stated,he doesn't appear to be that together when it comes to caring for his children and perhaps even managing his illness.Is "forgetting" his pills and staying out "partying" common occurences that could jeopordize his parenting skills and the children's safety?

If I were in your shoes the last thing I would be thinking is giving up my job to follow WH on some hair brained scheme to make mucho dinero and HOPE that everything falls into place.UGH.No thanks.I would stay put,contiue to be the "model" mom and take care of those kids.That is what the court will look at when it comes down to brass tax,just who was the parent that properly cared for the kids and what is in THEIR best interest regarding a stable home life.

O

He called last night it was like talking to a completely different person (must be how men feel dealing w/a woman w/severe PMS, huh?) since he now how his meds in him.

Says now that he doesn't think that job will pan out -- he did visit a branch of the company he is currently working for while there (a worldwide company) and they are in need of a branch manager and he is now considering that and wondering if I will come along...

Why is it so hard? I know there are others on this board who are bi-polar or are married to a bi-polar. I try to keep that in the back of my head while dealing w/him but sometimes it is just plain hard to deal w/someone whose reality is sometimes not the real reality, you know?

I tried to have a heart-to-heart w/him the best way I could without LB'g in a 5 minute phone conversation. I explained that we do not have a relationship at this time and if we really want that we need to nurture it. And when we talk to each other to try to not get defensive and really listen to what each other is saying. That when I am talking to him, I am not trying to come across as talking to him like a child or pointing out his faults (he always thinks I'm out to get him, I don't know if that is the bi-polar because I'm really not and I really don't raise my voice, etc.) -- that I'm trying to get him to see my view and then have a discussion about it. He was easier to talk to this time.

I know it's hard for y'all to help me because if I was on the outside looking in, I would be thinking "this guy really isn't trying at all and why is she letting this go on".... I just don't give up easily, I guess. I want to really believe that he has potential and I want to wait until he does have a job that is closer to regular working hours and see how our R can recover then but I'm not sure I want to move halfway across the US before that happens. I remember how he was when I met him and how he was until all this madness started exactly 2 years ago when he could no longer self medicate and keep his depression and manic episodes under control....

<small>[ February 11, 2004, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: SoDisappointed ]</small>

SD,

I can understand how you feel.Even though we are outsiders looking in and are not you,we can still see the signs.Maybe that's something that isn't possible for you being on the *inside.I don't think you give up easy,that's not what I was thinking.

It's like when you tell a couple who are thinking of marriage that "don't think marriage will solve all your problems". It similar in this situation.I am also in a similar one myself. Admittedly,you said you don't have a relationship at this time and you are hoping on potential? Potential is not something that you should gamble on at this stage of the game IMO.

Before you make a major move cross country and uproot yourself,your kids and leave a cushy job,you should FIRST have the relationship issue solved or on the way before risking everything.I'm just saying that even though WH was easier to talk to THIS time,what about the next time? Like I said,I am in a similar situation.

My WH is in a long distance A,cannot make up his da*** mind who to chose to save his life and he is looking for work almost everywhere but here,home.I will NOT move knowing how badly things are bewtween us and I will not put his needs first before mine or my childrens right now.He is secondary because we have always put WH career first in our lives for the past 13 years.I have had enough.It's not worth the risk for me to follow WH anywhere.

Just rethink what you will be sacrificing and if it will be worth it to you and your family.Maybe you need to hear form someone who has a bipolar WH,hopefully they will repsond to you too.

Take care.

O

Thanks O. I remember your post now. I wish I could spend more time here. I am accessing from work and have to be quick.

I did mention that I would want him to go for 90 days and then re-visit whether or not I should come. I think that is why his tone changed. I think he's scared that I won't come but I'm not if I keep getting treated the same.

I'm somewhat stuck because against my better judgment 5 years ago, I approached my parents for a loan for the small business WH and I were running. The business was doing well so I didn't think it was going to be an issue. We had two other partners and they blind-sided us and we ended up in a lawsuit and all that. I cannot pay this loan payment on my own if WH and I were to split. Since I am paying day care for two kids, the child support would just cover "some" of that. If my WH were to ever not come up w/his 1/2 for the payment to my parents, I would just die. My parents are in no position to take up the slack and I wouldn't want them to.

It's a fine mess I got myself into... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />