I am the WS, I had an EA, which led to a PA. Since D-Day, Nov. 15 we have tried reconciling(sp) with some progress. But, now just the other day BS told me she has been lying to herself about still loving me and she moved out with the kids to parents' place. She says that she will be filing for divorce....I have made every effort to convince her otherwise but to no avail. My question is this. Do I actively communicate to her how I feel about her and this marriage. I have done this and she just gets angry. Or do I just wait and continue to pray and hope that she changes her mind. I fear that if I do nothing she will think that I feel the marriage is not worth saving.

Hi daileydiver,

If you are TRULY wanting to stay married to your W and reconcile then I suggest that you do keep letting her know how you feel even up until you get divorced but hopefully you will not.

Speaking as a BS it might make your W angry to hear those wants and she may have moved out but that doesn't necessarily mean she thinks it's over.She is on what's called the rollercoaster so each day her emotions vary wildy.All you can do is try to be supportive and let her know that you understand how she feels and that you will be waiting.

Now how you tell her what you want is your decision and you can best judge that by her reactions.Maybe a "love letter" to her would be nice.Maybe talking via a family member who is supportive to both of you,something like that.I'm not saying be agressive about it but if she's angry,she needs time to come down from that anger and rethink what she really wants.I know when I am angry the first thing I want to do is go down to my lawyers office and file but then I wait it out.

Are you in NO CONTACT with the OW now hopefully? That is always the first step to recovery.Another thing that might give you points is if *you move out and allow her and the kids to be in the home,where they are comfortable,is that possible?

O

Octobergirl,

Thanks for replying. She is definitely on a rollercoaster ride and unfortunately it was I who put her on it!!!! Talked to her last night and she admitted that she has never forgiven me for what I have done even though she said that she had. I think that explains a great deal. As far as the OW I have not had any contact with her since December '03. My BS has moved in with her parents, who live very close by, five minutes or so. I would have moved out but have no where to live that we can afford right now. Supporting two houses is not an option at this time. My kids are having a very hard time right now. My daughter especially. I FEEL TERRIBLE!!!! My son is okay as he is not quite sure what is going on. He has spent the last two nights with me. Thank God for that blessing. But, my daughter is trying to be fair to both of us.I feel so sorry for my little girl.
Well, I will continue on with praying and expressing my love for my wife which I should have done so long ago. In a later post I may explain the whole situation.

Hi again,

If I may also add,spend some time here and read the MB comcepts front to back,especially about Plan A.

Also read many of the posts here so you can get a feel for how you should be responding to your W.Even though your W says she is going to file on you,she still may not.Sometimes it's just the anger speaking and you both are relatively early in the game here to really be heading for divorce,especially if you are remorseful and want to repair your M.I only wish my WH would too but time for him is running out.I'm sorry to hear about your children too.Infidelity is just so awful.

Anyway,welcome to a great place for information and a good deal of support.

O