I have a dilema which I would like advice on. My wife left me late last year. Before our marriage she had maintained a great friendship with a man I will call Pastor Bill. He was the youth pastor at the church she attended as a teenager and later at another church we attended for a short time. She has been good friends with him since her teens and he has been like a wise, fatherly advisor to her.

Today, I come home from work and on the answering machine is a message from Pastor Bill. He will be in our town next month (He lives about 2000 miles away at present) for a conference and would like to visit with us. He also wanted to chat with her about stuff in general.

Obviously, Pastor Bill does NOT know my WW has left me for another man. This then is the question. Should I???

1. Pass along a message to WW to call Pastor Bill and leave it at that??

2. Call Pastor Bill myself and explain that WW no longer lives at home, and that she has moved out to pursue her relationship with the OM??

Pastor Bill could be a good ally, but WW will probably be upsent. Of course, I would only tell the truth and nothing more.

Oh sure, by all means tell him! She won't be happy, but he could be a great ally to you. I don't think its ever a good idea to cover up for the WS.

Hi doorstop,

If the message was that this Pastor wanted to visit both YOU and WW,then I would give him a call and maybe say something like,you and your WW have had some problems and she is no longer living with you,here is her number if you would like to reach her.Perhaps take a cue from any questions he may ask whether or not you "spill the beans".

If his intent was only to hook up with your WW then I would just pass along the message to her and let her handle it from there.Yes he might be a good ally but you know that WW would probably use him to HER advantage.Also,he might not be in the best position to help if he is only visiting briefly.

O

"Hi Pastor Bill...

I so much appreciated your call. I've long admired your wisdom and your helping efforts.

Your calling here at this time was like a gift from God.... I could use your help.

I know you've been a part of (wife's) life for many years.

Unfortunately, I have some sad news about her."

Then tell him where she is, and why, and how you feel about it, and thank him for his concern.

Tell him you'd certainly like his advice and enlist him as your elder male mentor.

~~~~~

That's what I'd do.

Pep

...or:

" Hi Pastor Bill, I am glad to hear from you. I am not able to get a message to my W at this time. Here is her cell#. I am sure she would be happy to hear from you.

Hope all is well.
take care,
doorstop."

I wouldn't get in the middle of hooking them up. This is her delimea. Let them figure it out. Don't worry, he doesn't have to know the details to figure out there is a problem. The less you tell him the more innocent you can be. Remember she may accuse you of telling it all to him. Do the above and just say no. Doesn't matter whether she believes you or not. Pastor Bill can be your back up if needed. He has your # if he needs more info.

JMHO,
L.