Hello,
A little history first! We are both 47 and married 26 years with 2 grown kids. We rarely fight and I thought that all was going well.
8 months ago: I came home early, wife was in bed with a co worker. I walked out and kept my cool. When I returned she swore that the first and only time this happened was 1 year ago. This would have been the 2nd. He did stop by our home for a few mins 4 or 5 times but it only went as far as a kiss. She claims they were friends only and he kept hitting on her and she gave in. Claims there was never a relationship or love. She said she could care less about him. During the 1 year she never called him and claims that it was all a huge stupid mistake. She sees him at work for 20 mins in a room full of other employees and they avoid each other. We have both been seeing different Therapists.
She begged me to stay and has been really working hard to reasure me. She swears that she would would not see or speak to him outside of work. She is worried that his wife will find out. I have not told anyone and do not plan to.

I love her but am I a fool to stay after all of this?

They do see each other briefly at work. She can not change jobs at this time. Will this work?

We seem to get along well until I bring it up and make her feel awful.
Thanks to all of you

<small>[ February 12, 2004, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: mas123 ]</small>

Hello mas,

Welcome to MB.

Why the question of should I stay?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well it sounds like there's no reason to leave if she wants the marriage to work. Maybe you should try MC together.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mas123:
<strong>She is worried that his wife will find out. I have not told anyone and do not plan to.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How would you feel if his wife knew what happened, and she decided not to tell you?

Japan has forgiven the US for what we done to them in WW11.
Just something to think of

I can totally understand how you're feeling. My H recently confessed to several past affairs and I'm wondering the same question myself.

It's not a matter of forgiveness, it's a matter of whether one can stay in a situation where there has been so much pain, disrespect, and lack of everything a marriage is supposed to be.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you right now (especially in making this impossible decision) but please know you're not alone.

My only advice is to keep posting, keep reading, and keep asking God to guide you. That is the only way I've been surviving this.

The fact that your W has had sex with this man twice with one year in between liasons, proves that she cannot have contact with this man and hope to recover. As long as she is having contact with him, she will continue to be vulnerable to his advances. Telling the OM(other man) W(wife) could help to force him to leave your W's place of employment, not to mention he would have to be accountable to his W for his time and whereabouts which would put a wet blanket over any desire to wait for the right opportunity to seduce your W once again.

Has your W considered taking a leave of absence? An LOA could be used by her to look for another job.