My husband had an exit affair I guess you could say. Moved in with OW after a week of knowing her. He is quite happy with not having any contact with me at all, so plan B wouldnt even fizz on him. After 5 months he is even talking of marrying her. He must be nuts. Any advice from anyone???

Thanks

Hi cheryl,

Plan B isn't about the WS it's about YOU.It is to protect the BS from the hurtful actions of the WS.SO,yeah it might not affect your WH initially or ever but YOU become stronger,resilient and safer while being in it.You can see things more clearly,at least that was in my case.I felt very secure in Plan B and it helped me a great deal in getting by day to day.Part of that was not being involved in the daily activities my WH was doing.

The big question while being in Plan B is just how long you want to be there.I was in it since 12/1/03 with a "break" due to Christmas but I was getting ready to file for D because I personally had had enough and I thought about it constantly for days to be sure that's what I wanted.But,just this last Friday,my WH came home to say he wanted to reconcile.

I think for most people waiting at least 6 months is a good idea because you don't want to make any false judgements and take the time to be sure BUT it really is a personal measure of just how much you want to endure,I don't think there is any time frame written in stone.

So,if you think you can concentrate on you while this A continues then place yourself in Plan B and take care of yourself.Hopefully in time your WH and the OW will get their dose of reality by living together for a lengthy period of time and therein lies the chance for your WH to maybe come out of the fog a bit.

Afterall,he has to D you first before marrying OW unless he wants to add bigamy to his list of bad behavior. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cherylpa:
<strong> My husband had an exit affair I guess you could say. Moved in with OW after a week of knowing her. He is quite happy with not having any contact with me at all, so plan B wouldnt even fizz on him. After 5 months he is even talking of marrying her. He must be nuts. Any advice from anyone???

Thanks </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">An "exit affair" is an affair that allows the spouse to leave the marriage .... and the affair partner is dumped soon after. No marriage. An exit affair is a chicken's way of leaving. The affair partner is not the goal .... freedom and getting out of the marriage is the goal.

If you H has "plans" to marry OP, then it wasn't an exit affair (but still has a lousy statistical chance for long term success)

Any advice? .... Just sit and make yourself content for now. The affair is very much in the fantasy stage. Don't do anything legal unless you need to protect yourself.

Are there kids?

Pep

If you have had zero contact in five months, how do you know he is talking about gettitng married?

If you H has "plans" to marry OP, then it wasn't an exit affair
Just because someone mentions "plans" doesn't mean it really is planned. Perhaps he is just stringing along the ow so he doesn't get dumped?

PEP you said " (but still has a lousy statistical chance for long term success)
ohhh OUCH,,, I am hoping that he gets dumped on his butt by her, then maybe he will see the light. She is too busy sucking money out of him right now. In 5 months he has given her $10,000 and paid for their trip to Holland at Christmas, while all the time in our marriage he complained he had no money. GRRRRRR

I have two kids. A daughter 22 and son 25. H lives 12 hours away and my daughter went to see him and his answer to her was, if you will not see me with his OW then he didnt have a lot of time for her and he had to spend time with his OW. This is the man that would spend a whole weekend with his daughter. He works out of town all the time. Needless to say my daughter was very hurt over this.

CHRIS- I saw H after Christmas because he came to get his stuff, thats when he told me he was thinking of marrying her. I swear that man has his head up his butt. Talk about the fog.

Originally posted by Cherylpa:
I swear that man has his head up his butt. Talk about the fog.

Well...

If the head is up the butt and there is also fog...

I think the official term is

*Bog*

short for butt fog

Perhaps Chris can confirm this??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Pep

Originally posted by Cherylpa:
PEP you said " (but still has a lousy statistical chance for long term success)
ohhh OUCH,,,

THEIR relationship, even if they do eventually marry, has a very crappy chance of becoming a successful marriage ....

That's what I meant, just so you know.

NOT your marriage, theirs ....
their fantasy
unGodly
begun in lies
and deceit marriage
begins in the swamp of relationships ....
and neither of them
has the right stuff
to become a good marriage partner
BECAUSE both adulterors
are without the tools
it takes to be a good partner ....
and they
unconsciously realize this ....
even as they speak with *Bog*.

LOL

Pep

<small>[ February 18, 2004, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

LOL, Pep,, you made me smile this morning of your description of Butt Fog. He is definitely in the BOG for sure. I know right now he is doing everything in his power to do the "right" relationship thing. Its sad as well, because my husband is a Christian and he said the only thing that will get him off the road he is headed down in Divine Intervention. Hopefully God will knock him on his [censored], and show him what an [censored] he is being. That will hurt if he falls on his [censored] cause his head is up there. Okay yeah I still have some bitterness lol.

Need some advice. I have written him a letter stating the the things I have done wrong in the marriage and asking for forgivenes, although he tells me it wasnt anything I did or didnt do to make him to this. I dont know if that is "BOG" talk. In the letter I have also tried to make him realize what he is doing to me, and quoted some things in there about people who have had affairs and how they came out of their "BOG". I have also quoted a few Bible verses as well. Should I just forget sending it, or should I do it and hopefully he will read it and something will click with him???

For any of you that pray out there, pray that I will get a job soon. I know that will help with my healing process.