We just started the MB program, and I am very impressed by it. (Harley told me to change my login name to reflect hopes for the future).However, I have this nagging sense that something just doens't ring true. It's not that my H's affair was a mistake; to me, it was a revelation of his true character, one that I had overlooked during years of neglect, disrespect, and abuse.

I've been on this board so many times that I was wondering if anyone out there could give me some insight. It's as if the truth is right before me but I still refuse to see it. Anyone have any insights?

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 09:37 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Since you asked...my honest to Gods' heart felt opinion that if I were you I would in a very unlike me and unlike marraigebuilders way tell you that I would divorce him....

Even while saying this does not mean that you couldn't reconcile down the road or re-marry or whatever...

I guess what I am so very concerned and worried about with you is that he is IN anger management even as we speak...and doesn't appear to be gaining to much ownership.....and I have grave concerns about that...and would expect a lot more aggressive healing and recovery on his part...if he has/is seeing the light...

just your nick alone breaks my heart....
behavorior and ownership is one thing...
character FLAWS and warped mind sets is a whole other ball-game...

ark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It's not that my H's affair was a mistake; to me, it was a revelation of his true character, one that I had overlooked during years of neglect, disrespect, and abuse.

I gave you my humble opinion about this on one of your threads at least 4 months ago... You didn't seem to "hear" me. So I quit saying it.

There has been horrible physical and emotional abuse in your marriage...

You speak of the affair as the deal breaker ... as if the abuse was not what matters... I find that unsettling.

Speaking for myself, the abuse would be a deal-breaker.

Pep

Ark --
I'm worried about this, too. He spoke with Dr. Harley and then Harley told me that he is saying all the right things -- he's the one responsible, not me, not his genetics, not the circumstances. But then, since then (which was last month), he said that I was the blame because the only way he could get me to listen was to hurt me physically.

Pep --
I heard you. I remember that post very well. I have been trying to understand why the abuse had so little impact on me but the affair practically drove me to a nervous breakdown. I'm in IC trying to recover my dignity. One question I have is whether or not I can have dignity married to him.

This MB follow up program allows you to send e-mail questions to Harley. He more or less told me to go through the program, suspending doubts. I think people who aren't willing to become good spouses simply self-select out. I'm not sure. It's interesting, too. He suggested I change my login to reflect hopes for the future. So now I am "Cherished".

<small>[ February 17, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

I was the blame because the only way he could get me to listen was to hurt me physically.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

So if you "don't listen" ... whatever than means ....? I suspect it means don't agree with any particular position he takes .... he has license to hurt you???

Wow... speechless

<small>[ February 17, 2004, 04:30 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Yep, that's right, Pep. There I was, lying in bed with a catheter bag clipped to the side of my bed, not allowed to drive because the jarring could hurt my recovery from pelvic floor surgery 12 days earlier... he said he was concerned Sophia might call him...I lifted up the phone to call her and tell her not to call him...he pleaded with me not to call...and I wouldn't listen..so he punched me to get his message across.

He also told me, "I had no choice but to have an affair." Hmmmm...

Pep, I think MB ends bad marriages, that's what I think it does. He's got such a structured program that people either go through it and get to a great marriage or they self-select out. That's what I hope.

Pep --
I did hear you. But it took a long time to listen. Thanks.

Cherished

are you saying you have freed yourself from the upclose and in your face chaos....

cherished...?

ark