As you know I am still in Plan A and I have been speaking to my WH on the phone since I last spoke to you and still not LBing at all I am being the sweetest, nicest wife I can be. There supporting and listening while WH tells me OW is having goes at him , such as he should just leave her and come back to me, his insurance policy, as I won't let her near the children WH has to come to the family home and as the children are on holiday from school this week OW cannot understand why WH doesn't take the children to their house. WH apparently likes the arrangement and likes to come to our house (which is good) so she can carry on complaining. WH had lots to say about his state of mind but he is still confused and said it was nice that I was supporting him. WH adnitted to me that he has lied to OW a lot but that he can be honest with me I do actually believe him on this one. He started describing his home with OW and I said why do I need to know all of this and WH replied that the only thing missing in the place was me. He is still adamant that things aren't that bad and he is just painting a darker picture to which I replied that he hadn't said that OW was doing anything to make him happy, he didn't reply to this. I asked WH tonight after he spend most of the evening cuddling and kissing me(wanted more but i refused) what he thought was going to happen in the future to which he said wait for it mortarman "I don't expect you to wait for me but........" I do see this relationship ending and I do see us back together to which i replied that I do value our marriage and want it to work but things need to change and I know I am married but I am not just sitting around waiting I am having a social life. I even went out for a couple of hours tonight (I needed to get out this Plan A is quite hard sometimes)whilst WH was here seeing the children apparently OW phoned to check I was really out she doen't trust him at all and because WH was quiet as I have said before he does this when he is deep in thought and I just leave it to it, he will talk when he is ready OW then texted him and said not to bother going home and just to stay with me (lots of LBing eh, she doesn't know about MB) WH said to me that he would love to stay the night with me but I declined his offer and added that he wouldn't get much sleep (ha ha) WH is still saying he thinks of me all the time especially sexually so I planted a thought in his head before he left tonight, that will keep him thinking. Anyway what do people think of this then mortarman is WH still a text book case and if so what will happen next. WH has agreed now that he needs to get some counselling and cannot just come home, which I know is just talk at the moment I hope he does.

Is he textbook? Feeling It, he is the whole darn library!! That is the good news.

Now, be ready for this because people that have been on here awhile know that I seem to love to spoil a good time.

Your husband is definitely getting a good look out of the fog. He is definitely looking around and not liking what he sees. Your Plan A is working so well, that he now knows that if he had to weigh the worth of you and the OW, you would come out on top. BUT.......

You might only be ahead 51-49 right now. In the fog, inertia always rules. it is better for the WS to sit still and do nothing, then to change things. I mean, think about it. The last time he changed things, look at the mess he made. Do you think he can even trust himself to make a good decision right now? If he decides to come back, how does he KNOW that it is the right thing...that everything will work out? Feeling It...you are going to have to TRY to put yourself in his shoes. He has dug a deep hole...and only he has the power to get himself out. Right now, he isnt doing anything...just talking. But he is talking about the right things. He has begun the process.

But, just like in any war, there are setbacks, losses...and more gains. Just when you think you have him, he'll scurry back into the fog...afraid. And you will become disheartened. Don't!!! Understand the process. Go back and read my threads from June 2002 thru now. Watch the ebb and flows.

You have begun. Maybe your husband will come back during Plan A. Most dont. Almost always, it requires Plan B in order to motivate them to make a decision. Right now, you are doing an almost flawless Plan A. Be proud of yourself.

But be prepared. You set a date for two months. Be prepared that at the end of those two months, if he is still cake eating...then you pull the pin on that handgrenade and walk away. And if your Plan A goes as well as it has, the pain that he will feel will bring that man to his knees. And all Christians know that it is only from your knees that you will ever find the strength to overcome.

Keep doing what you are doing. Even though you are in Plan A, you can still have boundaries. The hugging and cuddling are great. Even the sexual banter. But, keep coy. Let him understand that it is all for him, once no contact is made with OW and he is ready to move forward...and to get counseling (as Just Learning says...this recovery stuff aint for amateurs). Definitely make sure those kids never go around the OW. But keep doign what you are doing.

If I had to guess, then I would say the next two weeks, the OW will make a play to real him back in. She will suggest he take off of work, they go on a vacation...or something like that. And that will force him back over there...force him to say yes, and to go spend time with her. But, that wont last long. As I said in my last post, and your new post confirms it, their relationship timer is ticking. It wont be long before it implodes. Stay out of the way!

Once she makes this play, he will spend some time with her and away from you. It will be his first case of withdrawal (read up on the Harley principles of withdrawal...both from the OP and the WS). He will miss you and the kids. When he returns the next time, it will be like feeding cocaine to an addict that hasnt had a fix in a few days. Once that happens, their relationship is doomed. It still might take awhile, depending on the guts and moral fiber of your husband (yes...there is still some moral fiber left in him).

So, keep reading and posting. Look at other instances of people on here and how it worked out for them. Read everything the harleys have on their site, and in their books. Even give your hubby a copy. Seeds will be planted that will grow inside him.

Keep on with your Plan A. Get some help for yourself, though. Because, if he comes home...you will be surprised at the feelings that will rush thru you. Right now, you are fighting for your marriage. Once he is back, alot of feelings you have suppressed will come out. Get them out now with a counselor.

Anyway, I have rambled again. Everything looks good and right according to plan. Be prepared for momentary setbacks. Keep your eyes focused on your goal.

In His arms.

This reply has made my day. Yes I am prepared for some set backs as WH is still confused and he doesn't realise that I am helping him (with my Plan A). WH commented last night that if he came back how long would it be before he became unhappy again. He did tell me he loves me and the feelings he has for me are really strong and that he could never have that with OW. I asked him what would make him happy and he replied that he didn't know but that he needs to seek help. WH doesn't want to hurt me again. I shall keep on with the plan another 7 weeks left I think, it is quite hard when I see him maybe just once a week but with the phone, email and text I make sure I contact him every other day although as I have made waves at their house as she has read some text messages and obviously doesn't like them, I now restrict contact whilst he is at work.
I have spoken with WH this morning and he tells me things are strained between him and the OW as always. WH is away this weekend with his work so he will be away from both of us I am not planning on contacting him at all whilst he is away, I told him to go and have a good time and not to worry about anything, just to chill, take care and I would see him next week sometime. He said thank you for listening to him and being his rock and for me to take care. So hopefully I have left him with a nice image of myself.

Feeling It,

This is great. Just more reasons why I say your husband is a textbook case. I want to show you something in your post though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WH commented last night that if he came back how long would it be before he became unhappy again.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Look back at what I posted on the previous post. "If he decides to come back, how does he KNOW that it is the right thing...that everything will work out?" He is reading right from the playbook. He is doubting...doubting his relationship with OW...and doubting whether he can come back and make it work. HE DOESN'T TRUST HIMSELF! Can you imagine what that is like? How painful that can be, that he can't trust himself to make the right decision? This is just the beginning stages, Feeling It. But it is the beginning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He did tell me he loves me and the feelings he has for me are really strong and that he could never have that with OW.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is truth. But it is also cake eating. He is confused, he is hurt. He doesn't want you to go. But, he isn't back home either, is he? It is a kernel of truth that will start to grow, if you let it. But part of that growth requires you to stay somewhat aloof, to still be doing a great Plan A. but at the same time, the pressure is kept on him that it might ALL go away. He has to stay in pain. It is the only way he will move forward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked him what would make him happy and he replied that he didn't know but that he needs to seek help. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More truth. And more cake eating. You see, in the fog, many times the WS can tell you what the truth is, but at the same time he/she is powerless to act upon it. Or so they think. That's why the Harleys believe that it almost always requires Plan B after a good Plan A. Has he sought help yet? No? Then he is a cake eater. Please keep in mind that in this war, words are ONLY words. As Just Learning said to me once, believe half of what you see and a quarter of what you hear. Only actions matter, Feeling It. Otherwise, you are sticking to your "battle plans."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I shall keep on with the plan another 7 weeks left I think, it is quite hard when I see him maybe just once a week but with the phone, email and text I make sure I contact him every other day although as I have made waves at their house as she has read some text messages and obviously doesn't like them, I now restrict contact whilst he is at work. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excellent. The amount of time really doesnt matter. It is what happens during it. He has to feel safe. It is like coaxing a bunny out of a hole. Any sudden movement, and it will scurry back down. EVERYTIME you talk or are with him while in Plan A, it must be the same. He mist be able to count on what things will be like the next time he sees you. Only then, after a period of time, will he begin to trust himself enough to take that chance.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have spoken with WH this morning and he tells me things are strained between him and the OW as always.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They probably are. But this is also cake eating...and manipulation of sorts. Think about this...why is he telling you this? To hurt you? Probably not? To just have idle chit-chat? Nope. Why do you think he has to tell you, keep reminding you of how bad things are there, and how good things are with you? HHhhhmmmmm??? It is because he doesnt want to lose you. He is cake eating and TRYING to manipulate you. Unbeknownst to him though, you cannot be manipulated. He thinks that you are holding on because of all of this. What he doesnt know is that he is being Plan A'ed. That you actually are the one in control. He doesnt know that you have a timeline. He doesnt know that a HUGE hammer called Plan B is just around the corner for him. He has no idea. Please remember, the Harley's have given you a great gift in all of this...control back over your life, your marriage...and your future.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WH is away this weekend with his work so he will be away from both of us I am not planning on contacting him at all whilst he is away, I told him to go and have a good time and not to worry about anything, just to chill, take care and I would see him next week sometime. He said thank you for listening to him and being his rock and for me to take care. So hopefully I have left him with a nice image of myself. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Feeling It, when this is all over, you may have to become the Queen of Plan A!! I am a Plan B guy. My Plan A was all full of holes. I just couldnt do it properly. But you have. And it will make your Plan B go so much smoother. Keep this up. Recognize the FOG and cake eating. Dont get caught up in his words. Enjoy your time with him. Let him return to his mess with a smile. And when he walks back into that mess, that smile will leave.

The OW is doomed, as long as you keep this up. Then maybe, your marriage can move forward.

In His arms.

Bump for Terrified.

Thanks once again morterman. Do I get to have a crown if I qualify as a queeen? I do find it okay to do a plan a because I love and care for my husband so I do care for his welfare. I also care for my own welfare and this plan helps me move forward and look at myself and my life and make changes if necessary which is what the plans are ultimately for, I think once you have this in mind and faith in god then you can do it, well thats my idea anyway.