I have been grappling with some issues since I found my husband was involved in a budding EA with a very young woman. I suspect he has done this several times before. He denies this, as well as any PA at any time. However, I have "tripped him up" with multiple lies since I found out about this current EA.
Year ago I suspected an affair between my H and one of his colleagues. She gave up a very good job to move to another state. I noticed that while my H continued to contact her at times, she rarely ever responded, except with Christmas Cards for a few years. My H and she were fairly close "friends"; he seemed to be in mourning for about a year after she moved away. This was 12 years ago.
Should I contact her via e/mail or snail mail, and ask her if anything indeed WAS going on all those years ago? It would help to establish once and for all that he is a big time liar and a cheat IF she responded with a "yes". On the other hand a "yes" will be quite a blow, and may insult her if indeed all they were was friends. I just need to know NOW whether I can trust anything he is currently telling me, and this may be one way to find out.
Thanks for any opinions, and any ideas/opinions on how to approach her if I get the nerve.

No need to contact her after all these years. Sounds to me like she made a big change in life to get away. She has moved on and maybe it is time that you either work on your marriage or move on. See a therapist and find out what is missing and if your marriage is worth saving. He is not worth the trouble if he does not want to try. You really do not need all the details of each and every time.

Good luck, you can do it!

I would respectfully disagree with MAS, she does need the details. This is about her life and information is being wrongfully withheld from her.

TTH, I would contact her just to see what happened, it can't hurt anything. I don't think it's usually a good idea to contact a current OW, but a former one might give you some information. It was a former OW who kindly gave me all the information that my H was withholding from me.