GO TO LAST POST IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THIS POST -- I RENAMED THE TITLE....

WH is bi-polar. WH was dx'd 2 years ago. Put on mood stabilizer and anti-D, A started about 5 mos later -- not sure if that is any relation but kinda hope so in my mind. Sometime last year, WH decided to quit taking mood stabilizer as it made him sleep all the time. Did not tell psychiatrist. He now sees primary doc to get refills and is on 40 mg Celexa ONLY. Okay, now my ????'s... I always feel like I have to tip toe around him and always wondering if it is his illness talking or if this is what I'll be faced w/for the rest of my life because if so, I don't think I can do it...

WH doesn't take his meds the way he should, i.e., doesn't really take them at the same time every day or forgets and skips days, etc. So when he says something weird or just isn't acting right, I'm always assuming it's because he doesn't take med the way he should.

WH left for a job interview 2 weekends ago and forgot meds. When he came back, he only took them off and on (I just found this out today). Am I expecting too much for him to at least take charge of his med schedule? For instance, he was leaving on a Saturday -- been planned for a week. I get up Sat am and see 1 Celexa left (he will be gone until Tuesday) w/no refills. When he gets up I say, "Did you call your doc to get a refill?" He said, no. I said, "Well you better start calling now because they might not even have anyone who calls in refills on Saturday and you are leaving at 3pm." He said okay. Calls doc's ofc, closed, msg says refills have to wait until Monday. I say, "Didn't you notice there was no refills?" He said he had assumed she would have at least called in 3 mos. He calls the pharmacist and he says he'll call doc for him. So he gets the refill and forgets it anyway.

While away, I notice a HUGE change in behavior and he's a real smart a** to me on the phone. Doesn't mention that he forgot Celexa so I'm left wondering why he is being so mean.

He gets back on the 3rd of this month -- so it's now, what? 16 days later... this a.m. he says as he is getting his Celexa, "Oh, no wonder I haven't been feeling right." I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "My scrip is for 20 mg instead of 40 and I have been feeling off." I said, "Did you tell the doc that yesterday while you were there?" He says, no, he just figured it was because he hadn't been taking his meds right. I said, "UH! If I were on the pill and skipped days, wouldn't you be a little upset w/me?" He said, "Quit being dramatic." I said, "WH, you should tell your doc when you are not feeling right or at least tell me and quit hiding it." He said to drop it and to quit mothering him.

Okay, next, it'll be a year next week since D-day. Has WH gotten an HIV test yet like I asked? No. Has he had blood drawn since then? Yes - 4x!!!! And not once did he ask to go ahead and add HIV test to bloodwork. It makes me perceive that he doesn't really care how important it is to me. When I asked if when he had his blood drawn yesterday if he got the HIV test. He said no. He said, "I don't know why you are so adament about it and if anything was wrong, it would show up in my tests." I couldn't believe what I just heard. I said, "WH, you are having your liver #s checked and your cholesterol. Why do you think if you had HIV they would know from those tests?" He said, "It would probably show up in my liver #s." I said, yeah, once you've got AIDS, not just because you have HIV.

I then asked if he asked for his referral to a dermatologist to have his STD taken care of. HE said he forgot, again. Again, I've already had my abnormal pap smear and biopsy because of it (because he hadn't told me he had the STD or having an A). And ever since then, he hasn't gotten it (HPV) taken care of -- well, I'm sorry, it's not like I'm at risk for STD ONLY, I'm at risk for cervical cancer if he doesn't get it taken care of! So, again, yesterday, he did not get the referral -- so, again, I see this as a total lack of consideration of me and my health. I said, "We can't have sex until it is taken care of OR at least wear a condom." He said, "I'd rather do without than wear a condom."

HOW SCREWED UP IS THAT? So, okay, he said he wasn't getting it at home often enough and that was ONE of the factors that led to the A (forget that I was pregnant). But now he is saying he'll do without? So does this mean I can have an A -- just kidding!

Boss is coming... got to go..

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 09:52 AM: Message edited by: SoDisappointed ]</small>

My H was in the same situation. 5 months after taking meds he had an A. After 3 months of false recovery, found out he hadn't been taking meds as he should. I started Plan B...not because he was still seeing OW, but because he was still in withdrawal and doing everything in his power to be mean and nasty and not make our M work.

My reminding him to take meds was a BIG LB at the time (and still is). No, it is not your place to remind him. So you decide, do you want to live with him off his meds?

I decided I couldn't take it any longer, and asked him to leave...he was out the door and trying to get back in contact with XOW the next day.

In my Plan B letter I very specifically asked him for N/C with OW, Counseling, and to get his meds straightened out.

He came back and I wish I could say everything has been peachy so far, but it was still a struggle for him to take the pills, then his Dr. switched the dosage to one that didn't work as well. One day I talked with him about the pill I take (Lexapro), it helps my moods, and enables me to control my rageful anger. I told him I don't feel the pills working at all, I don't notice a difference in myself, and it is a pain to take the pills every day. He said he noticed a difference. I told him I don't want to take the pills every day for the rest of my life, and don't want to feel like I have to have them. BUT, I take them because our M seems to run smoother when I do and I have more patience with him and the kids. So I don't take it for myself, I take it for the rest of the family. I asked him if he wanted to stop taking the meds, great, I would like to stop taking the meds too. By stopping our medication it would mean a great deal more work for us, and I'm not sure our M would survive.

I think that was a turn around day for him. I no longer remind him, sometimes when I wake up, or when he's sick I ask if he wants me to get any of his medicine for him...that's it.

I wish I could give you magic words to speak, but ultimately it is up to your H.

StillHere,

That's just it, w/him being bi-polar, I'm not going to sign up for the highs & lows he will be experiencing if he is not willing to take his meds. My sister is a rapid cycling bi-polar -- I grew up w/all that.

If we didn't have 2 small children and I could devote myself totally to him, it would be different. I just can't do that right now.

And, yes, it is a major LB for me to remind him and I usually don't. I just mentioned the pills the day he was going out of town.

As far as getting the STD taken care of, I do ask more often but don't really care if that is an LB or not as it affects my health as well and not just his.

It's like I said, if I were having to take birth control pills, I believe I would be held accountable to taking them each day....

<small>[ February 19, 2004, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: SoDisappointed ]</small>

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<small>[ February 20, 2004, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: SoDisappointed ]</small>

New development. I usually do not see WH's paycheck stubs. I also can never track his time and/or pay. Noticed that deposit was less than what check is for. $$ is TIGHT & I was wondering how we were going to buy son new shoes... all the while he is depositing less than what check is for.

Also saw a receipt to a restaurant for appetizer and 2 meals at 3p. Never mentioned having lunch. Receipt said "dine in."

When I saw receipt I said, "Oh, you got to eat such and such today?" And he came back w/a story instead of just saying "yeah." He said that another girl in the office really wanted it and didn't have the $$ cuz payday was the next day and that she was going to pay him back, blah, blah, and that they got it to go... hmmmm. I said, "She doesn't have a card?" He said he guessed not. Okay, we DO NOT have $$, we are in the negatives -- but it is okay for him to use our card?

Really, does he believe the things he says to me? In church yesterday, he said he didn't realize that trust was still an issue. WHAT??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Then I mentioned how I was bothered by his comment that he would rather do w/out than use a condom. He said "there's other things we can do." I said, "Again, do you not understand that you need to have your STD taken care of?"

Does he really think I'm going to go "there" while he has an STD that has not been taken care of? And I'm not being an a** when asking him to get it taken care of. I'm not bashing him or blaming him or anything -- don't even refer to it being because of the A...

AND he still hasn't gotten the referral to the doc to get it taken care of.

Can someone just go ahead and beat my head against a wall for me?????

I need a Plan B of sorts; don't I?
1. Get STD taken care of
2. Get tested for HIV
3. Separate accounts (so this way he can't be taken $$ because he only makes enough to pay his 1/2 as it is so if he wants $$ for himself, then he WILL have to work OT to get it).
4. Do his own laundry OR help w/half the housework (I'll list what he has to do -- but then he'll take that as mothering or controlling).
I'll think of some more.

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: SoDisappointed ]</small>

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