I know I've seen it on this board a thousand times ... The fact that a WS comes back means that he/she loves the BS. But then I've also read that the WS "loves" the OP. Then how can "love" leave one and cling to the other? How does "love" ever solicit the affection of the OP to start with? Shouldn't the "love" felt with the spouse prevent the need to develop feelings for the OP in the beginning? And since it obviously doesn't, then how can the FWS say it won't happen again because they "love" the BS so much?

If "love" is about "love bank units," then isn't "love" a selfish thing? I thought true love was a giver... Are some people incapable of "love" unless they are "loved" first?

And is it more than love that keeps the BS from straying too? I mean, if the marriage is that bad, then conceivably both partners would seek "love" elsewhere. Does an infidelity free marriage exist based on the character of the partners more than "love" itself? Does the WS seriously think the BS has been totally full of infatuating "love" for them during the time the WS was out committing the A?

I mean, forget unconditional love, just define "love" for me. Is love an action or a state of mind/heart? How can love be between 2 partners that would rather spend their time alone? (or with someone else) If you truly "love" something, wouldn't you want to be with it all of the time? (People who love food don't go very long without it and it is a huge test of willpower to be able to turn from it! Why isn't it that way with a partner?)

Jamup, the following links will be very helpful &#8211; please take the time to read it. I&#8217;m sure it will clarify some issues and provide some answers on your questions. Please let me know what you think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Real/true love, ego boundaries, romantic love and feelings of love (also dependency)
The difference between the Fog and Love
Fog = Love ???

<small>[ February 20, 2004, 01:28 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>