Last year at this time my husband started having an affair with my high school best friend, I found out in July and took our soon and left for a week. He promised to leave her alone so I went back a month later he wanted us to take some time apart so I got an apartment and he has told me numerous times he will leave her alone and does for a short period of time and then things start back up with her. One day we were on the phone and she said for him to choose and he told me over the phone he would get his stuff the next day. when he came over he told me he still loves me and we are going to work things out, i love him so much and we have a 3 year old son, i want to work things out. How do I get the affair to end, or what do I do.

Read the concepts section above. Then read the book Surviving an Affair by Dr W. Harley. Get a good MC and get yourself and your H checked out for STDs. I know she is your friend from school but you don't really know her character any more than you know your H's wayward ways.

If you can setup some phone counseling with Steve, Jennifer or Cerri (Penny) here at MB that w/b good. They are quite good in giving good guidance to those of us who have never dealt with such a devasting event.

take care and keep posting.

L.

Ditto what Orchid said.

I think your he's playing you and your so-called friend. He's telling each of you what you want to hear so he can play you both!

Thank you for responding, I get so worked up over this and I just want him to leave her alone he keeps telling everyone sooner or later things will be back right and we will be together agian but how long and why want she leave him alone, even when he tells her too she want. My son hardly every sees him anymore because I want allow her around my son and she want every leave his apartment. She thinks that every other weekend is plenty of time for my son to see his dad.

he keeps telling everyone sooner or later things will be back right and we will be together agian but how long and why want she leave him alone

Just one comment...this is what I did for probably three months after I found about the E/A followed by the P/A. (Most of that time was before I found MB and this forum).

I heard that comment over and over..."hang in there, it'll get better". Trust me, we're now 4 months into the A, and it's NOT better!! Get in some kind of plan. I'm not the one to advise, because my situation is more unique--if you're not dealing with another addiction, too, probably Plan A.

If you are doing what I did for the first few months (cry, plead, beg, bargin, etc...)I can speak firsthand that it just drives them further away. I couldn't imagine my marriage breaking up, and I handled things very poorly. Act soon...don't waste days. Come up with your plan.

Thank you so much for responding. Do I come up with a plan with the spouse or by myself. I am just so confused right now and my family keeps telling me to leave him but they don't understand, I don't want another marriage to end up in divorce.

momandcam2000

We are all very sorry you find a need to be here, but there is not a better place for you to be.

With that said, take a deep breath, and collect your thoughts, and pat yourself on the back for finding this site.

This site is all about saving your marriage. There are wonderful people here, and they'll offer you sage advice. Because they've been there.

The worst thing you can do is get so caught up in all the emotions you are going through and try to fly through this by the seat of your pants. The best thing you can do is GET A PLAN!!! Click "HOME" above and learn about Marriage Builders. Go purchase the book, Surviving an Affair, and there will be your plan.

There is advice on all aspects of affairs, why they happen, how to stop them, how to meet your spouses needs, and rules on how to rebuild your marriage.

Don't wait, just act. Do not just sit back and react to what your WH (wayward husband) is doing. Get PROactive and do what is best for you.

Read, read, read, learn, and understand this whole affair drama thing. It seems so unique when it happens to you, but read the posts on this forum, and you will see there are many, many similarities.

Learn how to handle yourself, so you become the better choice for your WH, and you will become a better person, for you, as well.

Good luck