Hello again all,

I wanted to update those who know my story on whats happened since my last post. Yesterday was the pretrial date for my BS Domestic violence charges. We had a hearing to have the TPO dropped and it was. The prosecutor reviewed her case and decided she did not believe my second statement and was proceeding with the domestic violence charges. She proceeded to warn me that if I continued to help my BS and stuck with my story she would prosecute me for filing the false statement. She made the statement that my BS attorney was doing a good enough job defending his client without my help.

I spoke with a few friends who are attorneys, (2 of them specialize in domestic relations) and was told that as it stood the prosecutor has no chance at winning with the way I recanted my statement and my BS more than likely be found not guilty if she takes it to trial. Currently she is being offereda plea of a 4th degree misdemeanor of disorderly conduct.

After court she and I went to a Tim Hortons and sat and talked for 2.5 hours or so. During the discussion she behaved rather oddly. I'd like some insight on my observations of her behavior to maybe help me understand why she was behaving in that way. We talked about the pending custody case (DSD biological father has temp custody oorder for DSD) and her current case for the domestic violence. Then the discussion turned to our marriage and what we were going to do.

Her position was that people do not change and on some things in the marriage she would not change her views or opinions on the way we did things. She said she did not believe that either of us could be with the other one, that we were incompatible as a couple. During the discussion of the legal issues she maintained direct eye contact with me the entire time. When the discussion turned to our marriage she stopped looking at me and refused to look at me as we talked.

Ark and others, you would have proud to see my behavior in that Tim Hortons. Although I was begging and pleading my case for us to try and take our marriage from chaos to recovery, I maintained the most nonconfrontational conversation that I ever had with my BS. When I discussed our marriage I made it clear that I was going on what I've learned in counselling and here. At no point did I make any "you" statements, and when I pointed out something that she had a stake in I did it with acountability sharing "we" statements. She did not disagree with me at all on anything that I talked on about the marriage. She asked a few questions and I answered all of them honestly and openly.

The last point about the conversation we had other than she would not look at me during it, was that she refused to use the word divorce. When I asked the question Had she given any thought to what she wanted to do about our marriage and she simply stated that she "Couldn't do it anymore." When I asked her to clarify she responded with "I'll sign the dissolution". She would not say that she wanted a divorce. One of the things she told me during the discussion was that she "Doesn't want me to love her anymore" -no clue what she meant by this. I asked her about the A she supposedly was having and she lied about things and as I pressed her she would admit bit by bit, more of the truth. I stopped that discussion when her response to my question of "So nothing at all ever happened, you guys are just freinds?" Her response was that she kissed him once when they were drunk. I stopped it there because I saw myself admitting to my BS my A. Same thing happened, slowly I let the whole truth out, bit by bit with her challenging my every non-response or deflective answer. So thats what happened, when we left I hugged her and wispered into her ear that I would always love her. I broke down when I got in my car and I think she saw me cry a little as she left. Thats where things stand as of now.

Any comments? I'm confused by how she was behaving and what it might mean. Her mother told me yesterday when I called to speak with my boys that she would believe it when she saw the notice in the paper or saw copies of the filed documents. Was what I saw in my BS the "fog" if she is currently having an A or just ended the one she was having?

-2soon

Bump... Any thoughts?

Anyone?

Not sure. Dont know your whole story. But I do see one thing here. She wants YOu to do the dirty deed (divorce). Dont. Make her make every painful step on her own, if that's what she wants. Do not play her game.

In His arms.

... she wants a Dissolution but not a Divorce??? So, like, what's the difference? I signed a Dissolution and if it wasn't a Divorce then it surely did everything a Divorce is supposed to do - I no longer live with her, she remarried, I remarried, I pay Child Support, etc.
I agree with MortarMan - and it sounds like she's still in the fog.
Harold