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Begging forgivess... breaking copywrite laws... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> here is the post.... the one that says it all... I admire this post so very much... the lovely charming efferfescent melody wrote... (Good God..maybe I am a man.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) the following.... As a recovering alcoholic with 18 years of sobriety, I shudder when I see people using Plan A on an alcoholic because I know exactly how it will be viewed by its target. He will be delighted because it is a new opportunity to exploit and get away with murder. It is a license to continue to DESTROY because it only ENABLES the alcoholic. I can just picture that alcoholic in future years at AA meetings shaking his head about how his deluded wife handed him a new license [license = Plan A] for murder with some silly new "plan." The other members will chuckle about how blind normal people are to our schemes. You will get alot of good advice from well meaning people on this website, however some don't understand that a practicing alcoholic reacts entirely different to Plan A than does a non-addict. Plan A is a waste of time with an alcoholic. Plan A is designed to meet the WS's needs, but it is impossible to meet the needs of a practicing alcoholic. They do not react in the same way and only use Plan A overtures as an opportunity to exploit and use the BS. Plan A only contributes to the devastation by enabling the alcoholic. Here is a pretty good article from Harley about dealing with alcoholism: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5048a_qa.htmlthank you melody...can not imagine anything being explained more clearly than that.. I realize that people in pain can only hear what they want to... but that is one great post... ARK
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Ark, this is all about hair envy, now isn't it? I have suspected a certain ENVY in your voice ever since I showed you my hair! Thanks girlfriend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Too Funny!!
because I had added a blip about..
ahem...helmet hair...but deleted it...!!!
how'd you know!!
am I that green with jealousy??...
rumor has it pep's a red-head...which would explain a lot...!!!
ARK
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Wait a minute please - no hair jokes, ladies............
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I told you once before... It's not the hair I envy... It's those choppers...!!! they sure are perty... http://www.revelationwebsite.co.uk/index1/evil/vanimpe.jpgWAT ....hair system the politically correct way to address any issues one may have <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Now I am a blond.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ark^^:
<strong>WAT ....hair system the politically correct way to address any issues one may have</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no hair system problems. No hair, no comb, no problems. No way could I manage a mane like Mel's. ....and not TV evangelist hair, either. Nope. If we were meant to run around nekkid, we would have been BORN that way!!!
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passing WAT the sunscreen as all good concerned nurses would do... by pep... Now I am a blond.... ohhh now that explains the recent dumbing down of your posts...wondered about that... I am kidding kidding kidding and promise to never ever ever tease melody, pepper, or wat about their hair (or lack there of)..(or color) (or shape) ever again.... I am kidding kidding kidding and promise to never ever ever tease melody, pepper, or wat about their hair (or lack there of)..(or color) (or shape) ever again.... I am kidding kidding kidding and promise to never ever ever tease melody, pepper, or wat about their hair (or lack there of)..(or color) (or shape) ever again.... Who the he!! am I kidding I can't control myself at all... ARK THE REAL RED_HEAD...as if you couldn't have guessed that... (with blonde highlights... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )
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Now you got me going..........
I bet I have more chest hair than ANY of you ladies!!!
Wanna see?
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why yaizzz i wouldn't mind
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Now you REALLY got me going.
Am I the only one here who always wondered what ark^^'s ^^ represented???????
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm??
Cadilac bumper bullets? ....for those of us old enough to remember them? Where's JL when I need him????
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hhhhmmmm
a person of mystery am I
ARK^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
now isn't that curious...
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Sorry to bust up the mood here, but do by now you've figured out I'm a pain in the butt anyway...
Because of course this deals exactly what I'm dealing with, I did go to ML's link (which I found I've read about 20 times before).
Here's the part that I'm really hung up with (I apologize to the Harley's for direct copying without their permission here:
But your husband's decision to become sober (not a single drink of alcohol for the rest of his life) is a long-shot. A better prediction is that you will learn to have a very happy and fulfilling life without depending on your husband for your happiness or fulfillment.
This is why I'm so skeptical about forcing a Plan B and sticking in the "become sober or you can't come back" part. This is why I think he's also so angry with me now (because I did verbally tell today that I loved him but that giving up OW and becoming sober were the criteria for moving back out of the apartment). I think I just shot myself in the head and should just as well consult the divorce attorney on Monday and end the pain.
Dr. Harley says you can't force an alcoholic to quit and this paragraph lends me NO HOPE that in his current situation (OW & alcohol) that I have a snowball's chance in Hades.
Okay, so I'm posting everywhere tonight. I'm having a really bad night because I feel it's over, and that yeah, I probably should Plan B, and I should start to open my eyes to reality and accept that it's not to redeem my marriage but to start my breaking away because I'm going to end up a sad divorcee.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now I am a blond.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really??? Somehow I cannot imagine that on you. Send new and current pic! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (I'm caramel with light caramel highlights)
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> Sorry to bust up the mood here, but do by now you've figured out I'm a pain in the butt anyway...
Because of course this deals exactly what I'm dealing with, I did go to ML's link (which I found I've read about 20 times before).
Here's the part that I'm really hung up with (I apologize to the Harley's for direct copying without their permission here:
But your husband's decision to become sober (not a single drink of alcohol for the rest of his life) is a long-shot. A better prediction is that you will learn to have a very happy and fulfilling life without depending on your husband for your happiness or fulfillment.
This is why I'm so skeptical about forcing a Plan B and sticking in the "become sober or you can't come back" part. This is why I think he's also so angry with me now (because I did verbally tell today that I loved him but that giving up OW and becoming sober were the criteria for moving back out of the apartment). I think I just shot myself in the head and should just as well consult the divorce attorney on Monday and end the pain.
Dr. Harley says you can't force an alcoholic to quit and this paragraph lends me NO HOPE that in his current situation (OW & alcohol) that I have a snowball's chance in Hades.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL, with all due respect, you should just do what you want to do. Instead of going through this hunting expedition to grasp at straws to justify your aversion to Plan B, just keep doing what you are doing. I have given you my reasoning for Plan B and so have many others, to no avail. What I can't figure out is why you keep asking the same thing over and over again. When we answer, you either argue with the advice you get or ignore it. Just do what you want.
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you should just do what you want to do
Jump fom the the 8th floor catwalk of the building I'm still working at at 11pm??? (Okay, not suicidal).
I have given you my reasoning for Plan B and so have many others, to no avail.
I am thinking more about it, especially after today's conversations with him. Just not ready to go totally/utterly dark (or not very confident that I can keep it.)
And my second point I was making with copying the statement from Dr. Harley was that his whole post is so depressing, I just feel that even if I do Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and a half.....there's just no hope of him ever getting better anyway.
I'm feeling like I should just be concentrating on preparing myself for the inevitable D, and that's the piece I'm not willing to face or believe might happen.
It's not a Plan B problem tonight.. It's a TOTAL lack of hope for him to ever get better regardless issue--like Dr. Harley is just saying in a round about way "And why the heck would you even want to be married to a person who is an alcoholic??? They're a lost cause. Give them up."
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PS...I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I've feeling basically beaten at this point. Sort of damned whether I do or I don't. Either way it won't work. Plan A--won't work because I'm enabling. Plan B--won't work because you can't force an alcoholic to change.
I'm not saying any of you are the ones beating me up. I do know you are trying to help, and getting very frustrated. If you could compare where I was two months ago to where I am now, I have made progress where confidence and self-respect come in. It's very slow going.
But the more I watch what's happening, and continue to read the no-hope-for-alcoholics articles (not posts here), I feel like I should move from this board to the divorced/divorcing board and just get it over with.
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