I am 40 years old, and have been married almost 11 yrs (second marriage for me, first for him). We have 3 kids together (the oldest is 6 (almost 7) and the youngest just turned 3). It has been a rough few years.
Two yrs ago, I "re-met" someone from my past whom I didn't know well then, but we have a shared history and became fast friends. Through the evil e-mail, we (quite accidentally) fell in love. Since we are physically only about 25 miles apart and we have a (newly) shared group of friends, we were also able to see each other in person about once a month (sometimes more).
After much soul searching, we mutually realized the futility of this "relationship" and I became involved in this board about a year ago (I re-registered today to throw off my husband, whom I also introduced to this board). We "ended" the relationship several times over the 2 year EA, but finally ended it in the fall of 2003. The word "final" is loose though, as I still run into him occasionally (we live in the same town), and all the feelings (from both sides) flood back in. OUCH!
So, I am trying HARD to be a wife to my loving husband. He is truly a gem. About a year and a half ago, when I realized I was losing myself in the EA, we started couples therapy. He does not know about the EA (so much for "radical honesty"). I firmly believe that the EA was a symptom of our marital problems. Anyway, we both filled out the questionnaire at that time. There were some VERY specific issues that showed up. The biggest was SF. I could care less about SF (with HIM). That was our problem before the EA and is still a problem (for him, but not me). Other than that, we have a "perfect" marriage.
I keep wondering if the EA issue (and the SF issue we have) is a function of not truly loving him. Then I question what the heck love is. We went through marriage counseling for 5 months last year, during which I started antidepressants, which worked WONDERS for me! I think some very significant issues were exposed, but I still do not feel "love" (defined emotionally) for him. I believe that I love him in that I care what happens to him, but I do not feel an affection for him.
Help! Help! Help!
Someone please tell me that you have been where I am and fixed things -- that this MarriageBuilders thing really works. I am so skeptical that love can be forever. This is my second marriage. My first happened right after college when I thought it was "time" to be married. Luckily no children were involved. Am I destined to move from lover to lover? My parents had a good marriage, but my father died when I was 3, so I didn't get to observe it.
Thanks.
