I was listening to a talk show on the radio today when I was having to travel to a remote office. It was about how people can express themselves through writing out a picure. I'm not very creative so I will adapt the one they used in the example. The original one was written by a 14 year old d and very touching.

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I'm driving down a dark, wet road. I'm angry and hurt, not paying attention to what I'm doing. Out of no where a car pulls out of an intersection. The last thing I see is that it's my family as I ram into the side of them.

I wake up in the hospital. There is no one around me. No friends or family. The doctor finally comes in and says I've only got a broken leg. I ask about my family and he doesn't answer me. I get up and hobble along to find my wife.

She is in a coma she may never come completely out of. At the very least she will not know me anymore.

I check on my children. They are beat and bruised. And they don't know why I hurt them so badly. The only answer I have for them is that I was angry and hurt. They don't understand how I could have done that to them. But they both tell me they love me.

Ohh, I wish I could replace my wife on her bed. To take her pain. The pain that >I< caused.

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Very poor compared to the original one that I heard but this is from my point of view of my family.

Becoming... what are you going to do now? Where are you in that picture? How does the movie progress?

Perhaps you were listening to Gary Smalley talking about his book

~The Language Of Love~

He was discussing word pictures.

He was on a Christian radio program Friday.

Pep

You got it Pep... I'm REALLY bad with names. But I thought it was a great show. I didn't get to catch all of it. Just toward the end.

Well, as far as where I'm at in the picture.. It changes day to day.... But for the most part I'm still at the crash with the car burning and every time I try to put the fire out I get my hands burned. But I keep trying because I have to get my family out. If at the end I get my family out but my wife can't accept me without hands I have to live with that. With my children it's a little bit different. They will accept me as long as they know that I love them and take care of them. They have gotten burned but I will try my best to make sure they recover. It's harder with my wife because she may want(And by all rights, deserves) a man without scars over his hands. It doesn't matter if they still work as good or not.

I WILL work through my jealousy and help her recover also, with or without >us<. It's a long, hard road before I can do that and not beat my head against the wall when she isn't looking. Jealousy=devil.

I'm feeling a little apprehensive about that writing. I mean.. I dunno, I tried to make a creative effort to explain how I feel, but it still doesn't really discribe it. And to be honest I'm embarresed that I suck so bad.. lol.

Me thinks it's easier to stay with facts instead of getting creative.

Easier doesn't necessarily mean better. You're doing fine. And perhaps you need to call in something a little more useful than beating out flames with your hands.

Firemen come in all kinds of disguises......

That's pretty good... I've finally calmed down enough to figure out a few things.

1) Beating myself up more(I will still do this from time to time) isn't helping anyone.
2) Be the person I would want to be around.
3) Work at feeling better in my own skin.
4) Identify what I've been doing wrong, take action to correct a problem if it's still occuring, and take preventive messures if it was a problem in the past.

I'm not going to list anymore.. But here are the benifits from that.

1) I'm more emotional available for people around me.(Read: Better person)
2) People don't like to hang out with people that talk about themselves/their problems all the time. It's good to just talk and be someone else's friend. Not just your own.(Better person)
3) Better adjusted person able to adapt to changes in positive manor. Instead of being either passive or aggressive(Better person)
4) Find the problem and fix it! Continued improvement is always good thing(Final time, better person)

Hmmmm... There seems to be a pattern here. If I work on my problems I seem to get the added benefit of being a better person. Other people get that benefit too... The relationship with my wife will get better also. I'm tired of trying to 'get back' with her. *I* can't do that. We can do that, but not *I*(DUH). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But if I'm a better person to be around it will make her life more fulfilling.

There are still a lot of issue to resolve before we will be able to get a handle on our relationship. On BOTH of our sides. It might be after DV, I dunno. I love her, and she means the world to me(regardless of the fact I was stupid). I'm not going to run her emotional well being into the ground any more than I already have.

And for the record. I have no delussions of being able to MAKE her want/love/*insert any other emotion here* me. But you can strive to make sure they see you. She still cares about me, she will see me. For the good and the bad. But I'm not trying for her to see me anymore.. I'm doing it for me.