I know it probably isn't possible, but figured I would throw this question out there. Is there a way to convince someone to get therapy??

This has been going on for a year. He left to "find himself" and still hasn't done so. All he does is work 60+ hour weeks (I know this for a fact) and sleep. He is most likely depressed.

He alternates between being nice and nasty. He bought me gifts and brought groceries to actually cook me dinner on Valentine's Day . He makes comments like "I'm not going to pay my rent this month, and let the landlord keep my security deposit as my last month's rent." Then...he says "I can't come over all the time if you think I'm coming back." Um...okay...was I hallucinating?! I thought things were going well. This cycle goes back and forth every few weeks.

I'm thiiiiiis close to giving up. Someone told me that he probably wants to come back, but is afraid. Well, I can't do any more than I already have. Whether we have a future or not, I want him to get therapy. He is confused and depressed, and is not getting better. And he won't listen to me. Should I enlist the help of someone else to try and convince him to get help? Or should I just leave him alone to crash and burn?

Sorry, time to let him crash and burn. Work on your issues. Start doing things that will make you happy.

After a year of trying to get my H to see a counselor, or take meds, I am now letting him crash and burn. And he is doing a great job of it.

Unfortunately, you cannot force someone into therapy. Believe me, I asked my therapist that question too. LOL But, it wasn't until my H saw for himself what kind of destructive path he was headed on, did he know that he needed to either go to therapy or destroy himself. Sometimes the best way to help someone is let them suffer the consequences of their own actions.

Thanks for the replies. I know I can't "force" him to do anything. I just wish I could get someone else to knock sense into him. I know there is a happy, kind, loving person inside there somewhere. Used to be, anyway. I'm just afraid that, as time goes on and he doesn't seek help...that the person I fell in love with won't come back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But I am just exhausted. I think I need to start thinking of life without him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It's like the saying, how does it go...if you love something, set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if it doesn't it never was...

My husband went and talked to our parish priest and then came home and said that they discussed how I needed to go into therapy. I did.

That was two months after the affair began. My husband failed to mention to the priest that he was having an affair. I truly believe that he could not see the link between my being upset and his having an affair, even though I was explicitly upset about his relationship with Sophia.

My therapist told me, "People seek help when it is a problem for them."

Apparently the affair wasn't a problem for him, but it was a problem for me.

I do think you can do something for this man -- tell him you are concerned about him and tell him why -- he is working many hours, he seems unhappy, etc. If he doesn't think he has a problem, you won't convince him.

<small>[ February 21, 2004, 10:12 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

Thanks. But he doesn't think he has a problem. He really and truly believes that a good work ethic means working as many hours as humanly possible, family and friends be damned.

I am afraid I will never measure up for him. You see, we are the same as when we met...he has virtually no money saved, and I do (and I own the apartment we/I live in). I have never ever hung the money issue over his head...if I wanted a man with money, I never would have pursued a relationship with him! It doesn't matter to me. But I guess he equates money with how he measures as a man. When the most important thing to me is how a man treats others.

He told me "I'm not ready to move back in, but I'm not ready to end it." Does anyone think he is waiting for ME to get rid of HIM, so he doesn't have a guilty conscience?! Or is he just scared? I think he and I both need therapy. He needs it to screw his head on straight, and I need it to find out why I put up with him.

I agree that it isn't possible to force someone into therapy. And from what you've said, even if you COULD somehow get him to go, it doesn't seem he's open to it and then I have to doubt if it would help.

The best you can do is pray and try to help your H realize that there IS a problem that needs addressed. Ask him how he thinks working so much will help your MARRIAGE.

He needs to get his priorities straight. If he is in a state of depression he MUST realize that working 60+ work weeks does NOT help make him happy. He told me "I'm not ready to move back in, but I'm not ready to end it." He's still in the A? I'm sorry I've not followed your story.

Go ahead and get the therapy for yourself. Thats the best thing I think. YOU can control YOU. So take that power!!!

Good luck and please keep us posted!