My husband is supposed to be coming home by Mar 2. I said to him yesterday when I saw him what can I do when you come home to help. He said "there is one thing you can do, put its just a personal thing." I said "What." He said "get them moles off your neck, they don't have to be there." I near S _ _ t. I have a mole as big as a pencil point, it is a loose mole, its right where a chain goes on the left side. And then 2 other time ones on that same side.........I said to him "What if something major happened to me." He said " I wouldn't kiss you alot." Am I taking this wrong, or is this man I'm fighting to get back very selfish and inconsiderate. He is wanting me to live up to this O/W. She drives a cadillac deville, is very prim and proper and neat, a nice shape, and lives in a nice house. And the one time I spoke to her she seems very sure of herself. But what do you think of that comment...................Do you think he is coming back for me or is he going to try and make me something I'm not.............?????????? I love him for what he is..........Even after all that he has put me through......This statement saddened me.......

Okay, I have no room to talk because I'm a basket case right now because of my own situation...

But my opinion, if it were my husband just returning from an A, I'd think he needed to be basically sucking up, not telling me what was wrong with my looks. Still sounds foggy to me.

People with more sanity and more experience than me please feel free to disagree!

Sounds like fogspeak to me.

I don't know the particulars of your situation, but it sounds like a negotiating point. When he removes an undesirable appendage for life for you, you will do the same for him.

Naw, that would probably be a LB !! Sounds like you shouldn't obsess over the remark, as it is probably a foggy remark, and, I'd imagine there are bigger fish to fry.

Mine said several nasty remarks to me that run along the same line and I agree it is fog talk but it's also time to set the record straight.

I held in my pain and finally I said that is it. No more. He respects me for who I am and he treats me as I need to be treated. I came home told him this is who I am and he could leave. I have excepted him for 20 yrs as he is, it's time he does me the same. When he saw how furious I was he backed down and was apoligizing and I just looked him in the eye and told him I have been patient, understanding and compassionate to him through all of this and he hasn't shown one ounce of patient, compassion or understanding with me What he is doing is not enough for me and if he thinks there is someone else out there that is more to his liking to just go right on. A few days later I told him to leave and within 4 days he was back wanting to stay. I let him and things have been okay for the most part. (I say okay because when I thought things were great they weren't, I would say for the most part they are great now, but h*** who really knows??? HAHAH)

One thing I have learned from this is that I am a person. I am important. My feelings are important. Some people don't think when they talk, and unfortunately the person you love the most and you think loves you can be a complete jerk and speak without thinking about what he is saying.

Lefty,

I read your post earlier on Nid's thread and I saw you deleted it. I am glad I found your thread. My WH and made dates on 3 occasions to come home. He was actually home one time for 24 hours before he changed his mind. So please just prepare yourself for some backpeddling because that sounds like fogtalk to me... he's trying to make excuses and may back out of March 2nd. If he were really ready to come home... then he would come running, I believe now. Please just don't lose all hope if he doesn't return on the 2nd... he may still need some work. I know mine does.... he just can't do the NC letter and your WH may not be able to either... he still sounds deep in fogland.

I know it hurt your feelings. But what if your moles bugged him SO MUCH that he was not attracted to you. I mean what if they bugged him for YEARS and he said NOTHING about it to you.

Would'nt you like to know if the moles were a turn off for him?

You can go to the dermatologist and get them removed with no pain in about 5 minutes so why don't you go do it! Moles like that are risky to leave anyhow because they are not only unnatractive, but they can lead to cancer.

Last year I got a couple of moles removed from my face and I look better and feel better because the cancer risk is gone now.

Don't take it personally even though he hurt you so bad by having that affair. Just go get all those unsightly moles removed! For your own good if nothing else.

End of that problem!

My $0.015 (after taxes, LOL!)

In and of itself, the request seems to be pretty benign. Very superficial, granted, but benign.

Although tainted by what appears to you to be a comparison between yourself and OW, I understand that many folks list an attractive spouse as one of their top EN's.

If this particular EN seems to be newly discovered/realized by your WH....I would probably agree that the fog is likely thick at this time...

Now that I've said that....the BS in me stubbornly says....the man is tactless and his timing absolutely stinks! LOL!

If my hubby had come to me with a similar request pre-A, mouthing LU deposits such as the cancer concerns that baba speaks of, etc, I'd be likely to agree to getting it zapped. Kinda like..."Gee, honey, I liked your other hairstyle much better than this one."

Keeping the "possibility" of the newly communicated EN in the back of my mind, filed away for later retrieval, if my circumstance were exactly the same as yours....there'd be no way on God's Green Earth that I'd be even considering an appt with a dermatologist for awhile!!

In my mind, to have it done right away would be sending the wrong message....a fog-bound WS would maybe be likely to extrapolate to "Hmmm, I wonder what else I can buffalo her into doing just to get me back?"

With my WH, I'd bet dollars to donuts that his next request would be to ask me to consider the notion he'd be likely be much happier if the gazongas and the saddlebags were more closely matched in size, proportion and gravity-resistance.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ February 23, 2004, 01:45 AM: Message edited by: HelenWheels ]</small>

lefty,
If you want the moles taken off, do it.

However, it is so MUCH MORE IMPORTANT that he ends his affair before he comes home.

I don't know if you read my long post on your other thread, but your H in continuing the affair from now right up until March 2, when he says he's coming home, has already proven himself incredibly selfish and inconsiderate.

Originally posted by lefty:
I have a mole as big as a pencil point, it is a loose mole, its right where a chain goes on the left side.

I suspect these are not moles but are skintags .... which are common in the neck area.

I "snip" them off peoples' neck all the time.

Skin tags are annoying, but not pre-cancerous.

A skin tag feels sort of like a beebee to the touch.

If they look mostly fleshy and hang by a small thread of tissue, they're probably skin tags.

You don't necessarily need a dermatologist, your family doc can usually do this, it takes seconds.

Pep