First let me say thanks for the advice and support at this site. It is really appreciated.

I have been Plan A'ing my WW for months before she decided to move out. After she told me she was moving out and in the weeks before she moved out, I continued with Plan A. I also did my best to get her to agree to counseling to try and work out our marital dilema. She made it clear that she was not interested in any attempt to repair or rebuild our marriage. No LB's on my part and she was always civil and polite.

Since she moved out I have continued to gently urge her to see a counselor with me or even on her own. She is not willing to do this. I Plan A the best I can, but since she is no longer at home it is difficult. Last week I made several very good (at least I thought so) attempts to convince her to reconsider counseling or something to help reconcilliation. She simply was not interested. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I now know for a fact that she has met with OM at least twice since she moved out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That and the fact that she is not willing to do anything to try and save the marriage puts me in the position of not being willing to Plan A any more.

However, I do not believe Plan B is right for us. We have many mutual obligations not only to our children but of a fincancial nature. They cannot be overlooked or ignored. Since Plan B is 100% NC and that can't be done I won't try it. I agree that there is no such thing as a 'modified' Plan B. Also, I have stablizied emotionally so her behavior, while not a source of pleasure, does not leave me fretting, fuming and generally upset. I have put together a support group to help me deal with it and it is working. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

She must know by now that I love her, that I want our marriage to work out, and that I am willing to work hard to rebuild a new and better marriage.

So, I am going to adopt a business attitude towards her. I will only contact her to discuss financial and children matters that must be discussed. The contacts will go straight to the point. No chit-chat, no talk of how things are going, no talk of her returning, and nothing indicating any affection for her. NO LB's either. As Sgt. Friday says "Just the facts, maam".

OM will have to meet her emotional needs, assuming he can. If her car breaks she can call him or ask him for advice, etc.

I will get on with my life, buy a few new clothes, make some new friends, and continue to expand my support group.

Please pray for success.
Thanks,
JE

<small>[ February 22, 2004, 11:25 PM: Message edited by: JustinExplorer ]</small>

Sounds like a good plan. It really helps to emotionally detach a little.

The only thing you can work on right now is yourself. Hang in there.

What you just described is Plan B. Yes it is supposed to be 100% NC, but you cannot do that with kids. So, you do what you outlined. Plan B is for you. Follow the guidelines, with the obvious changes you have outlined above. I did, and it worked well.

In His arms.

Thank you for the words of support.

I hope that it will work.

Strange thing about this detachment thing is that I often wonder if I may detach to much. It's kind of a scary feeling.

Well, I guess I am going to have to detach a bit. Too bad.

I just got an e-mail from my WW saying that she has a plot at a community garden. So while I am home finishing raising our 18 year old daughter she is off raising flowers and veggies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Oh well, if being the BS was easy, I guess everybody would do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Part of Plan B is NOT shadowing her every move. As long as you believe your children are safe, let her come and go as she pleases. You'll LB if you try to keep a rein on her.