Seven months ago i walked in on my wife with another man in our bed. We have both been to therapist. She claims there was no love or real relationship beyond friends. I do not think she is seeeing him behind my back. The affair was a few times over a year. She claims she loves me and allways has.

I just cant keep this out of my mind. It is driving me crazy. I get reminders of it constantly and feel that it may be time to leave her. I just dont think i can get past it. 7 months of this is a lot. I try not to dwell on it but every day i get the reminders. Married 26 years. I had no idea that she would do this.
Help

Sorry you are here, but it is a good place to be. Have you read the "quick clicks" on the home page about how an affair should end, overcoming resentment, restoring the marriage, and reconciliation?

For some reason men have a very hard time getting past an A by their wife. Maybe some men will post to you.

Hello,

I am sorry for your pain. It is just my opinion but it is your home which should be the one place where you should feel totally safe and secure. The fact that you caught her having sex with another man in your home and in your bed shows her complete disdain for you and your marriage. To me this is the ultimate in disrespect toward you. You says she has been doing this for a while. She has been doing this for a few times during the past year and she says says she has always loved you?
How do you think she would be acting if the roles were reversed and she caught you in her bed in her house with your lover and you told her you never stopped loving her? Look at a person's actions rather than their words. I don't know how you can be in the same house and bed and not feel sick. I am just guessing but did your wife wish to get caught by you and that is why she did it in your bed? 26 years is a long long time.
I think you are still in shock. Counseling is good but it sounds like you have no trust in your wife at all which is understandable. Only you can decide if you are better off with or whithout her.
Does she show true remorse or she is sorry that she just got caught. What was her excuse for doing it in your bed? Some people can handle affairs and some can't. I would suggest individual therapy so you can decide how you wish the rest of your life. I wish you luck.

thanks for your opinion. Yes she does show true remorse and is affraid that i will leave. She is trying very hard and going to a therapist. From what the therapist and my wife said that she married young, was flattered by another man hitting on her,gave in to his persistance and just did something stupid. She has a hard time even talking about it. She swears that she does not talk to him, is upset that he got off free (i did not tell his wife) and his life goes on with no trouble. He knows that if there is any contact i will tell his wife. My wife works for the same company and they do see each other a few mins a day in a room full of people but they ignore one another. I am not worried that they are seeing each other since why wife is totally discused that she did what she did. (sex 1 time and allmost a second time when i walked in on them.)

But does anyone know how to deal with the reminders. Do I have to burn down my own house and never listen to music or watch TV again?

Hello Mas,

I am just curious why should we have allowed herself to have sex in your home especially since you came home and caught her? Did she wish to get caught? How could she not think that this would be the ultimate in disrespect to you in your own home? I just don't get it. I have no answers about triggers except I would certainly buy a new bed. I do not know how you could sleep in that one. I wish you luck.