Hello, sorry to summon you yet again, but I just received the book you referred to me. The sexual healing journey.

I sat with it, pen and highlighter in hand, ready to start. At first all was well, but then I got to the part where there's four questions that are meant to help you understand/identify sexual abuse. I broke down.

I'm not sure if I'm able to do this right now. I really don't think I can handle exploring these issues AND trying to save my marriage. Will the whole book be this hard on me???

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm feeling very very very overwhelmed right now.

Also, do you think it would help if I asked my H to go through this book with me?

His sister was aquitance raped, he went to counseling with her so has some experience with helping heal. I just think putting his on him right now would be unfair because he has so much pain of his own as a result of what I did.

Thanks again.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also, do you think it would help if I asked my H to go through this book with me?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I said from the begginning this was a couples book and the reason is simple....what you did was in part-note part driven by what was "done" to you.

If your husband is to accept this in a way that brings him peace HE MUST and I stress must see how profound an impact the abuse had on you.

Yes it will be tough on you. In fact it will be VERY tough on you right now.

But understand something...if you believe that I am right about the abuse having a role in your affair in your vunerability then you must fix that hole in your soul and your marriage first.

In other words you cannot repair a marriage if you don't repair yourself.

Now please take this advice as just that advice.

If you both go through this together there will a bond between the two of you that nobody else can ever have. NOBODY!

You talk about making him feel special well trusting him with your deepest pain and asking him to help you heal from it is pretty powerful.
How powerful? My wife was willing to bare our children long before she was willing to bare her soul.

I honestly never would have understood my wife had we not done the book together.

And to be honest she wanted to put it down many times but I would not let her...not in a hostile way I would nudge her back in a loving way.

So he can be what a marriage partner is suppose to be...your helpmate in overcoming your demons. And once you two have been through that I think both of you will be able to deal with the affair and its fallout.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just think putting his on him right now would be unfair because he has so much pain of his own as a result of what I did.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then let him see that the affair was not about him. And it was not about being in love with the OM. And it was not about you being a bad person doing bad things but instead a good person who had bad things done to her that led her to make bad choices.

Give him the peace of mind to not fault himself for the affair. Give him the peace of mind that the one he loved is not the typical affairee.