Hi everyone, I hope some of you remember my story.

Little recap. I had an A with another man in the military. He may or may not be married as well.

My H has gone to his command and they are SUPPOSED to be taking action.

Recently, I talked to a friend. Apparently OM contacted HER.

He told her that he was planning on denying ALL claims of a physical relationship. He got written statements from his friends that nothing ever happened (these are people that probably never knew OF me much less of what me and OM did.

So it will be my word against his and this will probably go to court martial.

This would devastate me and H. How humiliating for both of us. I do not want to put myself OR my husband through the agony of having to get up in front of a group of military officers and ARGUE that this DID happen. Sigh, I will do it if I have to.

OM if guilty will most likely be released from the military if not face brig time. I kind of want this to happen?? Is that normal??

Anyway I just want to ask you all to send some strength my way and any advice as to how to fight without ending up in court martial. Thanks a lot

MilWife,

The only path I can see for you is to be supportive of your H's decisions regarding this and hang in there. It is rare for the military to take adultery cases to courts martial. But for you to gather up your courage and handle the matter with as much personal dignity as you can will be a clear sign to your husband that you're committed to your marriage. Treat him as an adult who is capable of making his own decision on whether to follow this through. Yes, it probably will be humiliating for both of you. But also an opportunity to show him that you're willing to take responsibility for your actions and work with him on what he feels is necessary.

As a Navy wife and former Army soldier, I wish more of these cases did get prosecuted. I know that's not what you want to think about right now, but it could be an effective deterrent for others if they were. If your actions from this point forward just stops one person from making the same mistake, it'll be worth it.

Dobie - I agree that more of these cases should be prosecuted. My husband is Army and the OM was Marine.

The only reason I say this could go to court martial is because we are on Okinawa, and apparently Marines engaging in affairs with the wives here (okinawa) is an epidemic. (One that I'm sorry to find myself a part of) They are fed up, and they are planning on doing whatever they can to do exactly what you said, make an example of me and OM to pursuade others to not do the same.

I WILL be supportive in whatever my husband needs. I was just wondering what if anything could be done legally to get substantial "proof" that this happened so it WON'T need to go to court martial and he'll be punished anyway.

Do you have any letters, notes, emails, etc from him? Or a record of phone calls anywhere?

I love his defense of written statements of friends. He thinks this is proof? Hey, I've never witnessed my parents having sex but there are four of us kids.

Perhaps if you start a timeline including all dates, etc that may help. Get your thoughts on paper and organized.

Military standards of proof are much more lax than civilian.

Your word against his may be enough. Why? Because what would be your motive if you supposedly never met this guy?

Can you identify specific physical things about him? A hidden scar, tatoo or birth mark?

Where did the affair take place? Can you say it happened at here on this date and here on that date and confirm he was indeed at at those places on such and such dates?

Was a hotel involved as a get together place? If so who got the room and would there be a record at the hotel?

Can you give personal information about him that could only come from knowing him? Remember he is swearing nothing really happened so if you can say he does such and such or lives at such and such or owns this kind of pet or has this kind of personal item then his whole alibi is blown. I mean if you know for a fact he has a Sony projection TV at home then there you go. Just be sure whatever personal facts you think you know about him you have seen or verified first hand. I mean just because he told you he was a member of an elite force doesn't mean he wasn't lieing. But if he told you he had a pet cat and you know that to be a fact what does he say then? In other words make sure you know he has a Sony TV because you saw it with your own eyes.

<small>[ February 23, 2004, 08:56 AM: Message edited by: stunned-dad-fast recovering ]</small>

SDFR - He is not claiming never to have known me, he IS claiming that nothing physical happened to him.

My motive would be this: When I originally disclosed my A, I told my H it was only an EA. What my husbands company is afraid of is OM's defense will be that my husband wanted to punish him, so had me testify that it went physical.

As far as physical things, I can identify tatoos on his chest and arms, but as far as anything further "south", no idea, since I didn't want the physical contact from him I didn't pay attention, and never gave him any physical attention.

The only place it ever happened was in his room at the barracks. Not sure how I could prove he was there, he could say he was at the gym, out for a walk, wherever.

There was no hotel room.

Again he admits to knowing me and having me as a friend, and that I saw him at his room, even might admit to the EA, but as far as military goes, they'll only punish for PA, and I can't think if there was any proof of that.. sigh..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can identify tatoos on his chest </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay any valid reason for him to be shirtless in your presence?

Saying your husband is seeking vegence for simply being a friend is a bit of a reach. Especially since it not only implies he is motivated for revenge but they you are willing to lie about it as well.

In other words they are going to try and argue that in order to make your angry husband happy you perjure yourself and soil your reputation.

Not very compelling in my book but then again I am bias.

Are polygraphs acceptable?

I am a former Army Inspector General. I handled quite a few of these cases.

If you have evidence, then great. That will help the prosecution. But, as was stated above, the military has other laws and rules/regulations, they can get him on.

One huge one is the APPEaRANCE OF IMPROPRIETY. Okay, he testifies that he was together with you in his room alone, that he might have been shirtless, that there might have been an EA...but there was no PA. And then the prosecution states that even if there was no PA, the actions he has admitted to are enough to a charge of conduct unbecoming. And it sounds like the Generals in your units are starting to crack down like they did in mine. So, that will be enough.

If you have evidence, then get it. But, if not, go in there and state the facts. As a matter of fact, sit down now and write down everythign you remember. Times, dates, what you did together. Everything. You see, in court, a document such as that carries a lot of weight. When you can be specific about dates/times/actions, and he can only say (I think I was at the gym," well, it doesnt bode well for him.

Remember, the military justics system has over a 90% conviction ratio. It is this wayward Marine that should be worried.

In His arms.