my WS has run off again. She takes the 3 kids and leaves every 2 months or so.Heres a bit of background on my situation. She had the A in Dec 01. We when through 1 year of counseling. She lied about everything to do with the A during the entire year. I found out in Jan. 03 that, not only was it not a one night affair but it went on for 4 months. She had the A with someone I work with and still see at work 4 times a week.
In Apr. 03 I found out that she had intercourse with him. Up until that time it was harmless kisses and touches.(she said)
Last month she spilled the beans and said she had unprotected sex and oral sex with him, It devastated me. Now everytime I see the guy at work I visualize the things he did with my wife.
I have lived 2 years and 2 months in pain.
She left today because I saw him again.
Is she using this to control me?
What can I do to ease the pain and enjoy living again?...please help...my 3 kids need me to be strong, but she is weaking me badly!!

BTW...she found out I was coming to MB and she said "Its bad for us. You should not go there and read all that stuff its too depressing."
I changed my name and profile and here I am again.....still needing help.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Welcome to MarriageBuilders. Sorry you are here, but it is a good place to be.

Have you read all of the information here. It will really help you. Start in Plan A. Usually women stray because their emotional needs are not being met. So also read the EN questionnaire.

Does your wife have some childhood issues? It seems to me that may be part of the problem.

I agree with Believer about coming here for help. I found the message boards by accident a month or so ago, but it has been a real blessing for me. All our situations are different, and it's too bad we all are enduring this pain, but having others also experiencing what I am to talk to and to listen to me rant, and to help me keep my head on straight is a lifesaver.

LL

Tommy,

Welcome to MB.It is a wealth of information and support so I have to disagree with your WW.

Ok,first off.The thing that struck me right away was that you have been dealing with a WW for over 2 years now. You said she leaves every two months or so? Ummm.We need to explore why she does this and what you may be doing to enable that scenario.

She sounds like a serial cheater and with the same man.Is this guy married? Does he have children? Does he know that YOU know? And I hope you have been practicing safe sex all this time.

Please do read all the MB concepts here and get the books: 'Surviving an Affair' &'His needs Her Needs' to start.Read up on,in particular,Plans A and B and consider seeking the help of Dr.Harley here or cerri.They are very experienced in Infidelity and you are dealing with a serial liar and cheater,based on what you said and these types of people can be the most difficult to deal with.

Also,do any of your family or her family know of WW behavior/affair? If not it would be a great time to open the flood gates and let EVERYONE know including key people at work to help put pressure on this guy at your job and on your WW to stop what they are doing.

Keep us posted and get a profile here.

O

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

thank you very much for your replies.
I have often thought of opening the flood gate....I think I will.
I am still very hurt.

hi Tommy,

MB is a lifesaver!! I don't know how I'd be getting through this without it. I can't give much advice since I'm pretty deep in a failing marriage right now too. But there are some great experts here that can offer advice. Send a post out to MelodyLane, Worthatry (he's out of town right now), mthrrhbrd and others. They, and many others, have given me great advice and pulled me through some really low times.

Good luck to you.