Seven years ago ( after 20 years of marriage)i learned my husband had an affair, actually several. He had ended them all of which were internet affairs, aided by business trips. i love him and he does me, we have rebuilt our marriage. Its been a bit stressful lately with work, etc. i have recently learned he is emailing an old girl friend/friend from high school. he did not mention this to me. Yes, I realize high school was a long time ago...but...having been hurt badly i am confused how to react. am i being ridiculously jealous? how significant is it that it has not been mentioned? she is married...but of course we know how unimportant that can be. i am devestated and am not sure if i am just insane.i am going out of my mind wondering if they email daily, or where this is headed all the while thinking i should not be concerned about an old high school friend? any thoughts would be appreciated on how to approach this. i do not want to throw the past in his face, however that is of course the source of my terror.

OK, take some deep breaths.

You are at the right place to get some sound advice. Have you read Dr. Harleys basic concepts, and about affairs on this site? Another resource is "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass, and "Torn Asunder" (don't remember author name. Of course "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley is a must.

Anyway, as a BS, I can understand your suspicions. Your intuition. You are protecting yourself from potential pain, because you have experienced that pain before.

Like when a child touches the burner for the first time when it is ON. You can tell them till the cows come home not to touch, but as soon as they get burned, they don't do that again.

I do not think jelousy is the correct word to describe what you are feeling. I think you are protecting yourself from pain that started in this same way last time.

One of the more experienced posters will be along soon to guide you.

Hang in there! We'll all get through this together.

Amy

Patti, you need to tell him right away how you feel about this and ask him to NEVER contact women on the internet again. It is imperative that he protect you at all costs if he is truly committed to his marriage. He should never do anything that is the least bit suspicious.

You are very much in the right to be suspicious. You have learned from hard experience that your H cannot be trusted and needs to watched. This only undermines all the trust that he has earned over the years since his affair.

Don't you dare let yourself feel bad about appropriate suspicion. You have every right to be suspicious and know that you cannot afford him the same level of trust you would a trustworthy person, based on his past.

Please read and study the basic concepts of Marriage Builders.