Does anyone know of a good chatroom for support? I'm having a really bad night and don't know of a healthy place to turn.

I've oftened wondered if there is such a thing as a safe chatroom. This is not real time....it goes more slowly...but it is usually a pretty healthy place to get support.

You might be right on the chatroom thing. I think I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow..

I need to be on something. The last seperations were really bad, the first one I had to be put on something and basicly fell apart anyway. Then I decided I would do the distraction thing. That's when the A's took place.

I was in a fog/survival(Trying to justify again, but that's what I believed it to be at the time) mode. I don't know what to do with myself. I've done everything that I know to do. I pretty sure I'm headed down the right road now but I'm having a hard time handling it.

I'm going nuts...

So you're trying to resist getting involved in more A's? Well let's talk about it. Think back on the last time. Did you get anything out of that was worth the price you paid? If things don't work out, there's plenty of time to meet other people after the divorce....but just because you made mistakes then...doesn't mean you can't make different choices this time.

I don't know your story....could you give us a suammary?

I don't want to have another A.. I don't want to be with anyone else. I want my wife back. That isn't looking possible. I'm going nuts thinking about it and can't get it off my mind. I know this is selfish, but I really can't figure out a way to deal with it constructively. I mean it doesn't matter what I'm doing I always thinking about her.

That was a lot of my problem when we seperated the first time. It's pathetic. I guess the best way to discribe it is that brain is two completly seperate parts. I can see the logical side of things but it doesn't seem to affect the emotional side. I haven't been able to find a med to get them in sync. I'm talking sever.

Right now I just want someone to talk to till I make it till tomorrow. I'm going to call my boss and try to get into the doctor...

okay...well I'm sure most of us have had nights just like that. I'm sorry you're hurting. I really do think the anti-depressants could help alot....so please do make it to the doctor. In the meantime....how about some TylenolPM and a nice warm cup of something to slow you down a bit. Sleep can be very healing....but it's hard to come by on nights like this. Don't lose faith. What makes you think your wife might not come around?

I really think it's a chemical problem. Because I just got through crying my eyes out and I'm fairly well stable now. I can't live like this though. I'm just so tired of it. With my judgement so cloudy I don't even know if I can say I love her and mean it. I REALLY do mean it to me(Oximoron). But I also know I'm codependent. And in the past have pushed my feelings of love on to other people(hence the A's). In ways I live in a fantasy world.

Okay, I'm started to get scared now that I've worked THAT out in my head. If I wasn't so wired up I would just got to bed and see the doc in the morning. I might try taking a bath and doing that...

You don't have to have big problems to fall apart during times like these....it happens to all of us...it's normal. We can't sleep, eat, lose weight, feel nauseous....it does pass. Go take a bath and make a appt. early tomorrow.

star*fish, we have been seperated several times over the course of our marriage. It hasn't been very fulfulling to either of us. I think things can be worked out. But then again I'm pretty sure I'm codepedent and would probably try working things out with a blow up doll. She is a great person, don't get me wrong. She just has a lot of work to do and I don't know if she deserves to be strapped with all my [censored] while I deal with mine. Or even after I deal with it for that matter.

We got married at 18. She came from a bad household(Father) and had a lot of issues in general growing up. I think in a lot of ways I 'saved' her from going down a worse road. But I don't want her to still have to go down a 'bad' road. She deserves a good life. I think now that she is in a safe envorment she can do a lot of growing. But I'm getting in the way/have been getting in the way of that. I already hold onto a lot of guilt over that, even before I had the A's.

This is a really long story... I guess that's why I like IM's so well...

We are both 25, have a S that is 6 and a D that is 3. We've been seperated multipe times with me having and A's during the last two. Each time she was talking to people on the internet and I felt insecure and instead of talking to her about it, well I tried a few times, I just withdrew completely. I was a shell walking around trying to function.... It's been so long I don't know who I am anymore. I finally figured out why I'm so sexually inclined. It was because when I was young I was sexually abused for many years. I assicated sex with a need to belong. I'm not after sex, I'm after love. It was just easier to look at sex as a form of love. As we all know, that's not always the case. Now, with that bad part out of the way, who AM I? I know it'll take a long time to figure that out, but I don't know how to get past all these emotions. And I keep thinking about her...

I know I need help, alot.. But I have so many things I HAVE to take care of. It's starting to wear me down now that I'm also trying to deal with a crisis... It's always wearing me down. This just tops it off. I really believe I do a lot of stupid just to try and get some relief from it. But then again I could just be trying to rationalize my actions. I'm really confussed.

okay....I want you to think of this analogy for a minute. When we feel overwhelmed....it's as thought there is a mountain in front of us...looming and daunting. Looking at that mountain, we can't even imagine how we will ever get to the top. Stop looking at the mountain for right now okay? Look at your feet. Look at the next step you have to take...and take it. Little by little...you will find your way to the top. Deal with the part of the mountain that is now beneath your feet....and just take small steps but take a step...don't remain paralyzed with fear. It's going to be okay chere. We all feel just like this sometimes.

As a past sexual abuse victim myself...I know how much those things can mess you up. Are you seeing an IC?

becoming,

I need to go to bed myself now....but I'm a little worried about you. I have to wake up really early tomorrow with my little boy. I'm going to say a special prayer when I lay down in bed tonight for you to find some peace and sleep tonight.

I don't want to be dramatic....so if I'm being silly just ignore me...but I wanted to leave you a hotline number just in case you feel worse okay? 1-800-784-2433

((((((((((becomingaman))))))))))))

Keep your chin up....things will get better....get your feel moving okay? Good night.

No, I'm not seeing an IC. I talked to one during the first major seperation(The all are!) and couldn't keep going. My insurance primium is too high for me to carry it. And I don't have enough money left over to pay for it out of pocket. I don't see a way for me to afford it. The major reason I haven't went.

I'm actually talking back and forth with her right now. I told her she was my pillar and that I was sorry for being so self consumed to not be emotionally available for her.

And talking about the desert/water/hamberger thing.

I appreciate the support star*fish. If the number is what I think it is, no, I don't need it. If by nothing else I have a thread left. It's my children. But again, thank you for your thoughtfulness....