Yes, A was referring to the Alcohol problem. He did have a PA for about 2-3 weeks, and is still having somewhat of an EA. He is moving away from her though which is what I meant by the other statement FL quoted.
I must be blind because i really do not see how I am enabling him. I do not buy him alcohol, I do not clean up after him if he gets sick, I do not calll in for him to work, I do not hide from him the fact that he drinks causes him alot of problems. I told him not to drink and drive esp with the kids in the car, although I truley recognize someone else's kids are in the other car... I rarely drink in front of him as i am a 2 drink per month kind of person, but that will stop too as i do not want to stumble him.
People are affected by the actions of those around them hence the advice from AA to avoid certain people ,places and things.
I have made it loud and clear to him that things do not "happen" to him as he says but everything he does is a choice. Every time he picks a up a beer or chooses to sleep with the OW it was a choice. Obvious to you and me but maybe not to alcoholics.
I do have some empathy for him and his situation. I do not plan on putting up with his behavior for lfe. He has never been abusive to me physically or mentally until this A which is very obviously an emotional abuse.
I am confident i will be fine on my own if necessary and in fact we have discussed this that at this time it would obviously be easier for me emotionally to be on my own. But i also know if we stick it out it will have been worth the emotional pain and work.
As far as obsessing about his behavior, I don't have time for that!! My life is very busy and full and even his actions as of late have not stopped me from spending time with my friends and working on my house etc.. Of course it has become my focus in some respects lately but I am sure if it weren't that would be a little strange don't you think? Anyone participating in this forum is obviously there or you would all have moved out of this forum and on to other things.
I did order the book Surviving... because I know that if I get even one bit of good advice from it it will be worth it.
Honestly its only been since this summer that there has been any drama surrounding this issue at all. That's when he crossed the boundary by drinking in front of the kids etc... and he didn't like what I had to say, but oh well, we all have to grow up sometime! Mostly I just shook my head before that and went on with my day even if he stayed in bed all day, which wasn't very often as he usually just dragged himself to work anyway.
Anyway, I thank you all for your advice. I know it is hard to give it when you only know what is written on these pages and you don't truley know the people involved. I hope all of you are able to find the way back to a healthy relationship with your spouse if that is what you want, or a healthy new life on your own if that is what you choose. As for myself I have stuck by men in the past out of fear of losing them, but this time it is entirely different. I just plain and simple love this man and want him to be healthy, whether we end up together or not.
Take care, RR
