My original plan was to give WS 2 years for us to rebuild M. I really do not feel we have even hit recovery yet. We are not going to MC any more. It took so long to get going and we haven't been since last November, I believe. WH still lies -- I really don't think he can stop.

I usually do not see WH's paycheck stubs. I also can never track his time and/or pay. Noticed that deposit was less than what check is for. $$ is TIGHT & I was wondering how we were going to buy son new shoes... all the while he is depositing less than what check is for.

Also saw a receipt to a restaurant for appetizer and 2 meals at 3p. Never mentioned having lunch. Receipt said "dine in."

When I saw receipt I said, "Oh, you got to eat such and such today?" And he came back w/a story instead of just saying "yeah." He said that another girl in the office really wanted it and didn't have the $$ cuz payday was the next day and that she was going to pay him back, blah, blah, and that they got it to go... hmmmm. I said, "She doesn't have a card?" He said he guessed not. Okay, we DO NOT have $$, we are in the negatives -- but it is okay for him to use our card?

Really, does he believe the things he says to me? In church yesterday, he said he didn't realize that trust was still an issue. WHAT??? Then I mentioned how I was bothered by his comment that he would rather do w/out than use a condom. He said "there's other things we can do." I said, "Again, do you not understand that you need to have your STD taken care of?"

Does he really think I'm going to go "there" while he has an STD that has not been taken care of? And I'm not being an a** when asking him to get it taken care of. I'm not bashing him or blaming him or anything -- don't even refer to it being because of the A...

AND he still hasn't gotten the referral to the doc to get it taken care of.

He didn't come home until 7a. The rule is, if he says he is working all night, he has to call from work (so it will show on caller ID) during the middle of the night. He didn't call until 6a. He works retail -- they are open 6a-midnight. I asked what happened? He said so much work, machines going down, etc. and that a lot of time was down time. He shouldn't have said that. So I said, "If you had down time, why didn't you call?" He shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. I wasn't going to be baited. I did not say a thing. He walks me to the door w/the kids and says "Have a good day" and goes to give me a kiss. I give him a peck. He turns to walk away and says, "That was weak." I did not say anything. Weak? What does he expect -- it was weak of him not to call and I'm not going to go into that conversation in front of the kids.

Can someone just go ahead and beat my head against a wall for me????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I need a Plan B of sorts; don't I?
1. Get STD taken care of
2. Get tested for HIV
3. Separate accounts (so this way he can't be taken $$ because he only makes enough to pay his 1/2 as it is so if he wants $$ for himself, then he WILL have to work OT to get it).
4. Do his own laundry OR help w/half the housework (I'll list what he has to do -- but then he'll take that as mothering or controlling).
I'll think of some more.

I've done the divorce busting stuff before and he comes around for about a week and then quits again. D-Day anniversary is upon us -- I don't know if I can give this life another year.

I don't really know what to say to you except it sounds like you have put up with alot of crap!He is still there though and there must be a reason for that. You need to go to counseling. Even if he won't go with you you should go youself. One thing that my counselor told me that has been extremely helpful for me is this feelings follow behavior, not the other way around. You spend time with a person, you talk , you joke , you laugh, that's the behavior, and out of that behavior your feelings grow. I used this in my relationship with my husband even when I first found out about his affair, and it was exactely the opposite of what I would have done if I had done it my way. I would have slept on the couch every night until he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. Instead I did what I really wanted to do and climbed in bed with him and held him all night long. At first I was doing all the holding but after a night or 2 his arm was around me and before you knew it we were embracing each other all night every night. My husband still hasn't made up his mind what he is doing with his life but alt least when he thinks of me he isn't remembering the lump on the couch.He can think back to the warmth he felt while we held each other. Even with conversations try and end them at least end on a positive note so that's what he'll remember. As far as the lying goes that is very tough to deal with. Lying does not make for a healthy relationship. Has he always lied? To people other than yourself, or is it something new? Try and figure out what makes him lie.Is he afraid of the truth? You should both be in counseling, maybe both alone at first and then together. Try setting up another appointment for a day you know he is free and maybe spend the morning with him and tell him while you are both relaxed that the appt is for 3 o'clock, or whenever. If he chooses not to go tell him why you think it is so important and even if he feels he doesn't need it tell him that it would really help you feel better about the trust thing and you would appreciate him just giving it a go, say for 3 sessions and then you can talk about whether it has been helpful or not, try and have concrete examples ready to show him times when what you learned has helped. If he chooses not to go, go anyway yourself and tell him you'll be there until 4 o'clock if he decides to show upeven at 5 min til that would be fine. It sounds like alot of work and it will be but look down the road five years and imagine that you've left him and how life will be(it may be fine this way) then think how life will be 5 years from now if things really do work out and you have a firm healthy marriage with respect and trust. More than likely you are saying that it would be worth it. Hope it all goes well for you.

Well, So, in your position, I would be going crazy! Out all night, receipts for lunch, missing money... I lost the trust I had for my H when he got caught, and he knows it.

It sounds like you had agreed (?) on rules, like the phoning in the middle of the night. Did he agree to do this? If he did, can he explain why he didn't? Does he have a consequence if he doesn't?

It also sounds like you feel like you think you have no control. If you aren't seeing an IC, could you? I know how hard it is with little kids, but it might really help you to decide how to approach this.

You should go ahead and have the STD and AIDS tests, just for your peace of mind, but stick to your guns about the condoms. The days are long gone when a shot of penicillin will fix everything. I had a very low day the day I had the first AIDS test, but I feel so much more responsible for myself and so much more in control. He also had the tests. And, as far as housework, can you just act like you're the only adult in the house? Leave his clothes for him to do? Leave them where they fall? It might get his attention.

I hope that you can find the strength to deal with all of this. It's such a hard haul. My thoughts are with you.

He pretty much lies to everybody. Its just gotten worse over the years or has actually always been but he had been able to cover it up and now that we've been together longer, it's hard to remember which way is up?

Yes, I did get tested. And, yes, he does have an STD -- HPV. I had an abnormal pap smear, surgery, etc. He still has not had it taken care of on his side.

Yes, we agreed that he needed to call. The consequence was building trust. His excuse for not calling was a roll of the eyes when 1st asked. I asked again yesterday and he said, "I just didn't think about it." So, I tell him that does not help in the trust department.

Yes, I've done the leaving his stuff for him to do and he'll come around and help only to go back to his ways after a week or two. This has been going on for 2 years now -- it's just been more heightened since D-day.

I just don't think I can deal w/it any more -- living w/someone that seems to have a total lack of consideration for those around him.