I have posted my story on the Plan A/Plan B board.
Here is the link:
My story I have recieved some great advice, but I still find myself lacking in direction.
Here is my story, for those who don't view the other post:
My wife and I met 8 years ago. I was 19, she was 16. We dated for 4+ years. We got engaged in early 2001, married in 10/2001. We have been best friends the entire time. Our relationship was often the envy of those around us. She has been going to school full time and working full time, for quite a while now. In early 2003, I found out the she had an A that was off/on for most of 2002. I discovered it, confronted her and found this site as a great resource. We did a Plan A, talked it out, thought we had fixed it, and 'moved on.' We did NOT go to counseling at that point, and did not follow up on the EN stuff that we had started on and I deeply regret that decision now. Since early 2003, we bought a house, and I thought we would be settling down. Things had improved greatly between us. However, she became increasingly more distant towards the latter part of 2003. I feared that she was having an EA/PA with a different individual. We had many sleepless nights trying to figure it all out. In early January, she went to stay at her mom's house. We communicated quite a bit, and at times it seemed like she wanted to work things out. As time went by, she started going out, drinking heavily, sleeping God knows where. She has stated that she does not want to work things out and the last few times we have spoken, she has been very cold towards me. I now have enough credible information to be certain that she is having an EA and most likely a PA again. This past week, we switched roles. I am now staying with friends, and she is "alone" at our house. I am still willing to forgive and I know that we have the pieces to have a succesful marriage. Right now, she is running from everything and everyone she has known for years. (Friends, Family, me, etc.) She is partying excessively, to the point that I fear for her safety. She is performing poorly at school, work, and obviously in our marriage. I do want for us to get back together, but I don't know if she can see that is possible yet. The 'D' word has come up only briefly and never in direct discussion with each other. I do not believe in my filing because there is nothing between us that can't be worked out through counseling. She is just unwilling to budge from anything at this point.
So here are the 'facts':
- I am certain she is involved in another EA (she has a co-worker that is a 'friend') and more than likely a PA at this point.
- We are living separate currently. She is at our house, which she wants to sell it.
- I was not practicing MB principles from day 1, and I have probably pushed her farther away.
- I have not confronted her about the EA/PA yet.
My thoughts:
- She is stampeding towards the big D, I believe, probably because she doesn't want to face any of this.
- I still believe in our marriage (as does everyone around us, except her new friends, of course), and I have a much better grasp of the deficiences in our marriage. I know they can be fixed, if she is willing. IF.
- I believe that she will be completely unresponsive to any attempts at reconciliation.
Please help direct me how to proceed. I feel that each step is very crucial. Thanks for all the help.
Ethan
<small>[ February 25, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: thefurnitureman ]</small>
