I have not heard from my WH for a few days now. He went away on business for the weekend so I intended on not contacting him at all. I texted him on Monday about finanicial issues he seemed very cagey and I thought the OW was with him (it turns out she wasn't) Didn't LB at all here texted sorry ru busy I shall catch you later soemtime. I then emailed the next day as I needed to know if he was looking after the children thursday overnight whilst I was at work. He replied he would contact me by phone in the evening. He didn't. I then heard nothing from him all day today so I arranged for my mum to look after the children over night. I then got to thinking and getting annoyed with the fact that WH has again not bothered to contact the children for a week and it is me who always contacts WH to arrange visits in the week. I then phoned WH and started off okay asking how he was and he said he didn't phone last night and was intending to come over but as he had a headache and went to bed early he said he has so much stress and thinking so much that he gave himself a headache, OW was away last night she comes back today. He said he could do every other week for looking after the children as it caused trouble with the OW if he did more. I asked him why he dosen't contact more often and that once a week and every other weekend is not enough (am I being unreasonable with this)I then started to get cross as I was upset with the way the children have been treated and said so and said they always must come first and that if it caused trouble then too bad as the children are is flesh and blood and it is his responsibility to look after them (big LB but I was cross) I did say at one stage that I was sorry I was getting cross and telling him off but I was upset for the children. I also said that OW was like a prostitute and that he could have paid me the money he is paying on rent for him and the OW and I would have slept with him every night (yet another big LB) I asked him if his feelings for the OW were growing and he laughed and said no. He maintans that he still does not know what he wants and I asked him if she was worth all the upset and he did not reply. I said to him that if he told me that if he just wanted OW then to tell me and I would stay out of the way. I told him that if he wanted the OW then she could fullfill all his needs and I didn't need to be around as he had her, he din't need to have talks with me as he had OW to talk to (yes I know another big LB) He said that time would tell if he had made the right decision and I asked how much time he needed, of course he didn't know. I finished by saying that if he left it too long then it may be too late as my feelings towards him are changing, I am getting used to him not being around and that if he asked to come home I wouldn't know what to say. He replied by saying he knows my feelings are changing.

What do I do now? Do I try and repair some of this damage or do I go onto Plan B. I have been doing an excellent Plan A for about 7 weeks now but I just got angry today.

said he could do every other week for looking after the children as it caused trouble with the OW if he did more. I asked him why he dosen't contact more often and that once a week and every other weekend is not enough (am I being unreasonable with this)I then started to get cross as I was upset with the way the children have been treated and said so and said they always must come first and that if it caused trouble then too bad as the children are is flesh and blood and it is his responsibility to look after them (big LB but I was cross)

feelingit..

NONE of that is an LB...no matter what his interrpertation is...
what you said is the downright straight truth...

you needed to say it...

Don't you dare apologize for saying it..and don't not say it again again...

OH the slimeyness of the OW not wanting him to have is own children around "more"
OH the slimeyness of him choosing the OW over his own children..

makes me nauseaus...
Oh let her be the one LBing about time with the children...you pointing out that he should spend more time with them
call them
see them
REASSURE THEM...NOT LB'S

you did good...
you should say it as often as it needs to be said when he dissapoints and breaks his own children's heart...

the consequance of his choices..
the reality of his actions...
do not protect him from that...

ARK

Thanks ark sometimes I forget that in Plan A you can let WH get away with some things but not at the expense of others. This needed to be said about the children but I have said it now I won't say it again it is up to WH to keep up a relationship with his children surely and not for me to instigate it all the time. OW is happy for him to see the children (so he says) but she just doesn't want him to look after them in their home while I am at work, OW doesn't trust him and thinks we are in bed with each other (in his dreams and I'm not playing second fiddle to anyone, I have much more pride and morals than them two)OW wants to be involved (no way). So what if it causes trouble OW chose a married man with children what does she expect! It makes me so mad that he appears to make them second rate citizens, will he ever see what he is doing is so wrong?

OW interested in your children are freaky scary..
I would seek legal counsel and begin to investigate provisions that restrict the childrens exposure to overnights and other things that involve outsiders...

I would play hard boundaries on this..

ARK

WH also asked if I was going to phone him again whilst I was at work like I did last week. When I have finished my shift I stay at work on call and ring from my room. We stayed on the phone nearly 3 hours talking (see my last post). I am getting to the point where it seems like we are going in circles, WH telling me he must make a decision, has he made the right decision, he doesn't know what he wants and I deserve better etc etc and me saying that he needs help (counselling)what more can I do and say? Should I continue to contact him meeting his needs when he does not make any effort to contact me. I wonder how long it would be before he contacted me if I just left it, I would not be in Plan A if I did this or would I? Gosh I have a lot of questions all of a sudden I hope you lot don't get bored. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ark, My children do not have contact with OW and they do not stay overnight at their house. WH has to come to the family home to look after the children I insist that OW has no dealings with the children and WH respects my wishes I guess I am lucky on this occasion.

sorry I keep having after thoughts. I see the OW's interest in the children are another way of sucking up to my WH. If they can do nicey nice things together then it makes her look good. Well tough!!

Originally posted by feelingit:
OW doesn't trust him and thinks we are in bed with each other

naughty Pepper is back! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Start sending your H little notes. Something vague enough to be misconstrued as sexual references.

"That was fun ... I'm exhausted!"

"All my muscles are sore now, thanks to you!"

"Did you want me to launder those shorts first, or just send them over?"

Send him "I miss you" cards... (You're in Plan A right?)

Leave phone message, "I was thinking about the time we spend the weekend in the tent ... with ONLY one sleeping bag.... and I got to giggling remembering that time."

Stir this pot.....

If you're in Plan B ... disregard.

Pep

Pep

My WH would think I had lost the plot if I started sending him messages like you suggest but I could send him ones that refer to our previous love life (that I could do) I could not phone their house and leave a message I could not bring myself to do that but I guess I could start phoning to speak to him about little things? As I already know and WH knows I know that it causes trouble, would it not look like I am the trouble maker though and make WH mad at me.

Feelingit...

I'm being about 85% silly .... I don't think my ideas are actually the way to go right now .... but it was fun thinking them up!

Pep

Pep at least you made me chuckle tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But it was good to think that I could cause trouble.