I want to Thank You. I am sorry for all you have been through these past couple years. I have followed your posts and seen you strength in your Faith. Your posts have always given me encouragement and still do. I don't know the truth in my situation and I may never know the truth. I feel like I am being used to bring my hubby to a closer relationship to God and I just need to try to love him as Jesus would. Your words in your last post about the movie came to help at a very difficult time. If you remember my last posts I do not know whether my hubby has cheated on me or not and I have prayed and prayed that I would know without a doubt. I have not gotten that so I have walked in faith. It seems for the past three years when I come to a place where I am going to let go and move forward I get hit with more circumstantial stuff. The lastest being diagnosed with an std that we cannot pinpoint when it occurred. Could have happened before we got married from him, as he was my first however I was not his first. But because it can lie doormat for so long still no proof. So I've been taken aback again and just feeling like when I start to move forward I get hit again and that I just can't do it. But if Jesus did it for us than I can do it for my hubby. I feel like in some sense I'm being punished for being a bad wife and taking the circumstantial stuff and thinking my hubby was cheating without concrete proof. Thank you Thank you for what you wrote. I've had someone ask my why I don't force hubby out of the military because I believe that when we make it through this that maybe just maybe I can help another military family through something like this. Without you knowing it you have helped in so many ways. Thank you!!

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: trying2believe ]</small>

T2B

Thank you. I understand where you are at and what you are trying to do.

This is not punishment for you. Your husband is not being the husband he was called to be. Even if there has been no affair, his wife is hurting and needs resolution and help. Instead, you are left to wonder and to hurt.

So, start there. You really are unequally yoked right now. But it says in the Bible to stay with him, so that he might be won over to Christ. If you believe that, if you believe thru your submission to Him, and to your husband, can be a door for him to go thru...then I believe the Lord will work thru you.

There is nothing wrong with getting eveidnce of an A, if there is one. There is nothing wrong with taking that evidence and creating a crisis.

"Pray like it all depends on God...work like it all depends on you."

You are in my prayers, and more importantly, your husband is. But remember, God works all things for the good of those whi follow Him.

In His arms.

<small>[ February 27, 2004, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Thank you

It means so much to have someone understand.

With this new diagnosis hubby has been hit pretty hard by it. He says that now I have more doubt but he still swears nothing happened. I hurt for him, I know that may seem odd but I do hurt for him even in the midst of the incredible pain I feel. I never ever imagined contracting this std. I want to take his pain away but I am also hearing to let him feel the pain and not get in the way. I am finding though that because he is feeling bad he wants to buy me things and I just don't want them, that's not what I want. But I don't want to make him feel worse. He is going through an extremely stressful time at work right now and as strange at it seems I feel the need to encourage him through that.

Thank you for your prayers. I will also be praying for you and your family.

T2B,

Buy yhe book "Wild at Heart" and the two of you read it. you will understand, maybe for the first time, the motivations of a man. I found out many of the reasons why I am the way I am, and why I do the things I do.

Your husband is hurting. He cause you pain. He gave you an STD. For men, when there is problem, we want to fix it. women dont necessarily want it fixed...they want to be heard. And thus one of the major communication problems in marriage.

A wife tells her husband "I am so depressed with where we live. I am just so tired of living here. I wish we lived somewhere warmer, better...whatever"

Here is what the husband hears..."I hate this place you are providing for me. I need someplace new, maybe Florida. You need to fix it." Next thing you know, you come home and your husband has had the real estate agent put a sign in your front yard.

And the wife is frustrated. What she meant when she said these things was "I am tired. The day-to-day grind is getting to me. I just need a moment to vent. Sure, it would be nice in a warmer place. But I really do like our life. I just need to vent."

I am sssooooo guilty of this. All the wife wants is an ear to hear her and to really listen. And all the husband wants to do is to make things better by doing.

We so need in this country marriage education before a wedding. Especially on communication.

Your husband buys these things because that is the way he is built. Now, you tell him "Honey, Ireally dont want you to buy these things. It is okay." Andyou know what he hears? "You have hurt me so bad that even your feeble attempts at buying me things cant even begin to make amends." And then he begins to feel helpless because he believes he can never be enough.

Do you see what I mean? I only know these things now because of research and experience.

Just say thank you...and take them in the spirit they are given. And then work on communicating what you really need...whichis his ear nd his closeness.

In His arms.

I understand a little more about the gift and my thinking was off on it. I felt like he was trying to buy me off. I am trying to get him in to see one of our Pastors. He said he's not ready to talk to someone yet.

Thank you

Thank you for your advice about letting him get me things. I did that, I still feel not so good about it but I'm trying to look at it from his perspective.

I have a question. Last night we were out for dinner, we got on the subject of girls getting pregnant in the military and it moved on from there to affairs. It was a really strange conversation. Anyway during the middle of this conversation he made the comment that I just want him to admit to having affairs so I can have one. He has me completely thrown on this one. Any ideas.
Thanks

Any ideas?

Sorry to butt in on this thread, but hope I have an answer for you. After DDay, H made some pretty wild accusations about different things
"I was thinking". My best way of dealing with things was to ask him a question in return. For example, I'd approach yours with the statement that his comment has you concerned. Then gently ask if he has any reason to be worried that you want to have an affair. Your tone for the question is very important. Don't make it an accusation. Simply ask him if he has some reason to worry that you'd like to have an affair and what the two of you can do to resolve that worry.

I additionally told my H that I didn't appreciate being told what I was thinking. I don't recommend it, because it probably is a LB. But it was also a boundary, so it's a mixed bag there.

You are not butting in and I thank you for your response!! I am open to any ideas on all of this. Thank you

How much do you put into believing your gut when you see someone look at your spouse and the look they give your spouse is like a bat to the stomach. I'm praying this isn't another one I should be concerned about but something seems off in our conversations about her. I hate this!!

T2b,

One piece of babble I heard was:

BS: why did you have an A?

WS: I thought you were going to have one so I decided to have one before you did.

WHAT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Don't look for logic in his responses. Not right now. Instead show that you are puzzled by his words. This tends to give the WS a false sense of security until they realize that the rest of the world looks puzzled but they are thinking.....'how stupid'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

For you it s/b 1 day at a time and keep moving forward.