Hello everyone, I am new at this and don't know where to start, I will try to start from the beginning, my w and I are married now for 28 years, and have 3 great kids and 3 grand kids. (Just about the 1st 10 years of it I traveled for work, stay away days at a time). About 8 years after we were married on my w birthday back in Dec of 85 my brother (x now) took my wife out for drinks to celebrate, In Jan. I too felt that there was something wrong here and also meet someone and had an a. within a 5-month period she had 3 guys including my brother in her bed. After 6 week of inpatient counseling and a month back together I was woken up by a phone call of OM and about a month after that my BW started to call my home and our counselor had to tell me about the A with my B. After 4 years of separate and family counseling we were able to suppress it (I thought). I told my self if and when my son turns 18 I am out of here. All those years past and about 2 years ago, on my son’s birthday, it all came flooding back to me. My god the pain of it all. So for over 2 years now we have been fighting almost everyday, about what happened in that time period she had told me more in the last 2 years about that time then she told me in the last 15 years. She also told me about the Om (3rd) that she was with and that she had a 3some with my B and BW, and oh yeah about the 15 years of drug use starting at the time she was with B. With are both in counseling now, but still seems to be getting worse. I know I have left out a lot here but I could use all the help and prays I can get to try and save this marriage but I still don’t think its going to last.

I too am new to this forum. I don't really have any advice for you because I too am going through something that I cannot seem to get over. I am sorry for your pain and I will pray that your situation gets better.

-M

spin, welcome to the forum. I will send you my deepest and most sincere prayers....but us simple folk here would be batting way out of our league to try and counsel you when your marriage is in a crisis this deep. We can support you...but I urge you not to use this board as a substitute for professional counseling.

(((((((((((((((spin)))))))))))))))

Your W might have a personality disorder.

Search out Boarderline Personality on the web and see if any of this fits.

She sounds like someone you need to walk on eggshells around.

What drug? Still using? Do you use?

When there are severe psychological issues, MB is not a very good tool.

Pep

<small>[ February 27, 2004, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Thank you for your prayers and upstanding, the reason I posted this is to see if anyone else has had a similar problem and stayed together or if anyone has ever had this problem In there life before . My situation is the 1st for my counselor too. I guess I am the 1st that has gone though this and is trying to make it work. what a Fool

Thanks again
((((((((Spin))))))))

Spin... stop being so hard on yourself! At least there wasn't an affair BEFORE you were married...I could call myself a bigger fool for that one. No one can tell you whether to stay in your M...that must be your decision. It is good that you are going through counseling to help you work through what is best for you!

Thanks everyone for your feedback.
Pepperband - You maybe right, I will check into Borderline personality.
The drug issue, is W used was cocaine, pot and diet pills form 1986 to 2001 where as she say’s it got really bad at the end, but says she’s off of it now, and no I never used anything I guess that a good thing, I don’t even smoke.

Mnmbug7 – I know we try not to be hard on ourselvies but we always do don’t we they say its not our fault.
To stay in a M….. Is my Decision your right, but I can’t figure out when is enough, really enough. In this day of age it seems like 1 little thing goes wrong in a M… everyone bails out of it, call me old fashion, But I really don’t know what’s keeping me here. And I really don’t know if its all out yet.

I anyone else has anything to add pleasse let me know, I could use all the help I can get
Thanks
((((Spin)))))

Hello:

What a horrible story. How could your own brother do this to you and then repeat doing this to you?
Do you even talk to your brother anymore? What was his excuse? Did you tell your brother's wife if he is married. Honestly I just do not understand how a brother could do this to his own brother. In addition, I do not undersand how a wife would continue to have sex with her own husband's brother. I could not think of anything more devastating. Nobody deserves what you have been going through. I hope you find happiness in your future because you really deserve it.

I haven't been here for a while, things got pretty bad.
But now things for me are looking a little better. Its still hard to see the light, at least someday I may. TO: Bryanp thanks again for the feedback. I found out that not only my X- brother did this to my wife but he did it to one of my nieces, and to one of his old girlfriends daughters too, but also they were young and didn't know. (This boy is sick).
Thats how I found out that they were having an A because his wife was doing with him as a 3-some and got mad at him one day and told me.
Thanks for the hope of happiness

So to fill the time since I was last here, I am currently looking for him (X-Brother) but don’t know how or where to look, I have SS#, DOB, and Name, but no leads as of yet.

My wife and I Are trying to work it out, but don’t know if I can handle it, every time I try to have sex with her I see him with us if you know what I mean (even after all these years). What should I do, any word of wisdom would be nice?
Thanks

Spin,
Ask your IC if s(he) will try hipnosis (sp?). If not try and find one who will.

I've heard that in very severe cases of infidelity and yours would qualify the BSs response is a lot like Post Stress Disorder. No you didn't see killing like the vets did but you may be having similar reactions. Your thoughts of your brother during sex with your W are very similar to the flashbacks experienced by people who have witnessed trauma ie. war, plain accidents and deadly car accidents.


Just a thought,

cwmac

Thanks Cwmac, yes my IC can do hypnosis, and I have talked to him about it once before, but the Question is, do you really want to mess with the brain? Sometimes I wish I could forget everything she has done.