My WW is just crazy! I thought things were turning around this week. We have been talking about safe topics for the most part with just a small mention of our M. She has another man and is just out of the house for a month. She goes back and forth with her moods but always says she is not coming back. Well now the bills are due and boyfriend's money is spent so now its time to hit me with separation papers and try to force me to sign papers that are not filled out. Huh!!! she must think I am a fool. We went over this document once but I wanted to go over them again. I also said that I just could not afford what she is asking and be able to live and have a decent home for the children when they are here, lets talk a little more. She just lost it. Calling me names and of course the blame for all of her personal misery! I just had to listen and take it because I know she is in a bad way and is dealing with the stupidity of breaking up a 18 year marriage and ruining our children's lives because of her A that she still denies is PA. She has opened an account with OM and has quickly drained that. Dumb and dumbmer! Anyway I don't know this woman anymore it is as if she is possessed. I see it in her face. I have tried plan A but she would have none of it. I am afraid for myself and my children at times because I feel she is really unstable and depressed. Of course she says that she is happier now than she has been in years. I still love her but I really feel at this point that I need to protect myself(financially and physically) and my children from this before she does any more craziness. She has said that she had a gun and would use it on me if she needed to but then backed off. I have never threatened or rasised my hand to her but she is deathly afraid of me. How should i take that? Any ideas or strategy that I should be using right now?

Just a little piece of advice on the weapon statement - either make a police report with all of the details of these incidents or start keeping a log of your intereactions, dates/times, he said/she said details. Keep a copy and give a copy to someone you can trust. I keep a written record of everytime my husband and I get together and what we do together. Somewhere I read that suggestion and it has been marvelous for me to remember details that may have been lost in my mind due to my emotional state over his affair.

I know my husband has been secretly digitally recording our conversations and keeping them on a CD-ROM. He is so scared that I would say something to him that would threaten his job security. He is a police officer and a lot of them carry these voice activated digital recorders on their person during their shift to try to "protect" them from false accusations. Good in theory but I think it is really pathetic to record your wife's innermost thoughts she is sharing with you as she tries to desperately salvage your marriage. He will not budge on the no reconciliation on his part. :-(

I found out he was secretly recording our conversions (I had suspected it months ago but never had the "hard proof" until Sunday 02-15-2004) when I went to give him a hug goodbye the last time I saw him on 02-15-2004. I wrapped my arms around his waist and my fingernails hit something hard on his left side -- which isn't his gun side. I immediately knew it was the recorder and he quickly tried to pull my arm away but I just kept reaching around to hug him. I seriously think he got over on me what he was doing.

I've never given him any reason to think I would try to screw him at work. After all, if he gets in a jam I would be right in the middle of it, too. I have to protect my job because if I was to get charged with anything, I would lose my job because I work directly on their computer system and I would lose my security clearance with the state police and other law enforcement agencies.

I am sorry for the ramble. I just wanted you to know to watch your back. You see too many made for television movies that start with a pissed off OM or OW and wanting to get a BS out of the way for reasons only they could ever understand!

Good luck and let us know how you are making out with your situation.

A few thoughts from somebody with NO great experience.


1. Your wife has done a terrible thing by having an A and living with OM while married to you. Of course, she must vilify you or she has to face the fact that she has done something terrible to you, her children and the marriage.

2. I assume that your wife has physical custody of the children. Am I right? That and the fact that she has threatened harm to you with a firearm tells me that you should see a lawyer at once. Double true since she has an irrational fear of you. DON'T WAIT UNTIL SHE FILES SOME FALSE CHARGE OF SPOUSAL ABUSE OR CHILD ABUSE. This is an old trick women use against men. Try and get custody of your children.

3. Her financial situation is her fault. I would not bail her out. Let the OM take on the role of the mail provider. After all she has chosen him over you.