A quote by Rita Mae Brown

"Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself."

First - a note to let you know that things between H and I are better than they've been in quite a long time. We're actually being kinda chummy with each other for the moment.

I had the opportunity, and I took it, to go to Vegas alone (without H and kids) with my sis (who I haven't seen in a year), visit my aunt, who lives there, and have some fun with a couple good girlfriends (don't go until early april - for 5 days). My H agreed (POJA) that I could go. The one girlfriend going knows all about the A, and has met H a couple times, and has guaranteed to H that she will not allow me to stray off the beaten path. (of course I guaranteed that, too, but for his sanity - it is good to have some extra accountability)

I actually feel confident, for the first time, that I can go into the lions den, and come out unscathed - that sure is a good feeling!

Liza

Hi Felina

So you read those Brown mysteries with the cat and dogs. Poe also has read them all. I've read a couple. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Glad to hear that your doing Ok. I'm also doing Ok, some downs but really not that bad.

No Silver, I bought a new journal for my new life. It is "A Journal Celebrating Wild Women." So far - that one by Brown is my favorite quote in there - just about sums me up in a nut shell.

Good to know that I can still feel like a wild woman and stay within my M vows! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Glad to hear you are doing ok too - I might have to check out those books - still have to hunt down those Silverthorn one's - who was the author again?

Liza

<small>[ February 28, 2004, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: Felina ]</small>

OK Silver - I went to Amazon - ordered a couple of the cat books, and then Silverthorn and Magicians, but there were too many books by Feist - didn't know which ones went in the series with Silverthorn - can you help me out with that - figured I'd need some good reading for my trip to Vegas, anyway.

BTW - you and your W must read a lot - anything to do with the fact that it's sub-zero a lot in the winter?

Thanks, Liza

Just a question - how can a married woman feel like a "wild woman" and still keep her sacred marriage vows?

I am not knocking it - I am just curious. I've been at the apartment every night, never going out because I am afraid I'll miss my husband coming over to ask me to come home. Yes, he could always call me on my cell phone, but it just isn't the same going out for dinner or drinks without him. Our favorite local restaurant/bar is near our home and we would always see people we know there. It is just easier to stay home and wait for him and not to answer questions as to where's my husband or the prying inquiries as to what really happened between us. We were the super couple. A friend of my husband's said if it could happen to us, no one is safe from the terror of infidelity.

My best girlfriend (a true wild woman) is in a relationship with a married man and I just can't go out with her when he is going to meet up with her. It makes me sick to hear them talk about his wife and the total deceit of the entire situation. I would sit there and think is this the way my husband and his OW would talk about me when they were together? Probably. I feel it is especially disgusting that she would bring him around in front of me after my own husband had an affair. She's been there with me through most of this and has witnessed the total pain and humiliation my husband has caused me.

She calls me E.F. Hutton - when I walk into a room all of the men and women turn and look. That's a nice compliment from her and the men and women, but I am sporting a huge diamond engagement ring and a wedding band that I refuse to remove. Some men try to strike up flirty conversation anyway, but I am so not interested and find it quite appalling that someone would hit on me knowing I am married.

Yes, I could leave the rings at home (my husband hasn't worn his wedding ring since last July) and go out and give my phone numbers to tons of men who really wouldn't care of I am married or not. But seriously, I believe marriage is until death do us part - especially a Catholic marriage. I do not believe in divorce and will continue to wear my wedding bands because my husband may divorce me in a court of law, our marriage is forever in God's eyes.

So, I guess a wild woman may lurk deep down from many, many years ago. But, I set her aside forever the day I met my husband in 1992. I do not regret that decision for one minute. But, is there a wholesome way to let loose?

Please fill me in!!!

(sorry for the ramble...............)

"When I think about my life, I am sure I will not arrive at an old age. But I would rather sing one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep." - Cecelia Bartoli


First - let me say that IMO, being a "wild woman" is a state of mind. And second, you don't have to have anything to do with other men to feel like a wild woman. "wild" does not explicitly say that you are a lush and a whore.

To me, "wild" states that you are the queen of your personal universe - you have the confidence to be on top of the world. Life can knock you down and you will learn from it and get back up, brush yourself off and march forward again (with a smile). TBO, I got really tired of allowing whatever man, H, OM, or even girlfriends, to rule my emotions. I got tired of worrying about what everyone else thought. This is who I am - like it or leave it, but I can stand on my own without you.

I guess I liken it to emotional independence, not so much physical independence. When I go out with my girlfriend, if a guy is eyeing me, I can now appreciate that, yeah, I'm worth looking at, but no, you can't touch - I am not afraid to tell a guy "I am married - we can chat - but don't even expect anything more." If I feel anything is coming close to boundaries, I walk away. The point is that you make all the decisions in your life. Keep your life positive - don't walk around with your tail between you legs - and don't go telling the whole world your sorrows.

If you say M is forever in God's eyes, even if your H walks away - than don't mess with other men. Have fun - live life to the fullest - dare to do something daring, and know that you are a strong enough woman to live without a man. Don't sit around and mope day in and day out waiting for him to come back. You are losing precious days in your life that you could be making a difference in yourself and the world. If he comes back - he will be coming back to a stronger, healthier, more positive woman, and I guarantee you, it will be more attractive to him than a woman that is sitting on the couch everynight - not able to function, because a chunk of her is missing. Men don't want a groveling fool - they want a confident woman.

Interestingly enough I gave my H a speel about this new found freedom, and basically told him that I was committed to the M, but I do not expect, or need the certain things that were missing before - I am strong enough that I don't need him to stroke my ego just to walk out the door in the morning - If he fills my needs than I would consider it a bonus, but I have found that I can't change him - and I rarely see any willing change on his part - so I was going to stop wasting my efforts. That night - he was more loving and affectionate to me than ever, and has been since.

Don't know if any of this helps, sorry I am a bit rambly, but I am feeling pretty darn good about my life at the moment, and I get rambly when I feel good.

Liza

Hi, Liza -

Great post! Thank you so much for elaborating for me. I could feel your enthusiam jumping right off of the screen!

I appreciate you taking the time to spell it out for me - and I agree with you.

Have a nice Sunday!!!