posted February 28, 2004 07:58 PM
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Following is 'i'm precious' message

"Hi Captain's Wife,

1st of all, I want to say welcome and I'm sorry you need to be here. 2nd, I hope I don't kill your thread. For some reason when I post on a thread it seems to be the "kiss of death". No one ever posts on it again. I hope it doesn't happen here. I have learned from it just as I have learned something from every post I've ever read on MB.

I, like you, am a FWW. I must defend posters here who are BS's. I have started a thread or 2 and posted on another's thread where I was just venting and I have to say that no one has ever blasted me. Or at least I didn't feel like they had. H and I had TONS of problems pre-affair and I sure didn't help. However, the one thing I gave up by making the decision I did was working on those problems. I have, once again, shot myself in the foot, so to speak. Anyway, since H and I cannot work on those other things, I have come here to vent. I have been supported. I don't neccessarily (sp) aree with EVERYTHING everyone says but I at least see another point of view. And in some cases it helps me understand H's way of looking at things.

I did a lot of reading here before I ever posted and a lot of reading in between posts and have learned to filter to an extent what I say. There are a lot of things I would sometimes like to say, but know that I would get crucified. But my thinking is warped. I know that. There is a link below that explains that if anyone is interested. It explains a lot. There is a lot I need to work on. I don't know if I will ever feel good about myself. I think sometimes it is an insurmountable task. And ever if I do feel good about myself, not too many people will let me live down my past. Some things are just too painful.

So in conclusion, stay here. Listen. Don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself. Get healthy.

To all others,

I am sorry for everyone's pain. Sometimes this world really sucks. God bless you all.


Link to my story:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=013442;p=3


I'm precious
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Posts: 93 | Registered: Nov 2003 | IP: Logged |

Pepperband
Member
Member # 7644

posted February 28, 2004 08:20 PM
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posted by i'm precious:
"I hope I don't kill your thread. For some reason when I post on a thread it seems to be the "kiss of death". No one ever posts on it again. "

Ta Da! .... finish of thread-ending curse.

"There are a lot of things I would sometimes like to say, but know that I would get crucified."

I just saw The Passion Of The Christ....

You are not crucified .... not even close.

Hyperbole ....

You may get yelled at , verbally throttled on a message board.... How can that actually hurt you in any real way? Your "feelings" get brused .... hardly a crucifiction.

I am sure you are healing as best you can at any given moment.

I believe the person who get hurts the worst is the one who hurts herself.

How can you ever forgive yourself ? .... by hard work , tincture of time, and living a wonderful life.

Faith
Hope
Love

You are The Precious .... yes you are.

Pep
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Posts: 3967 | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

captain's wife
Member
Member # 32521

posted February 28, 2004 08:41 PM
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Precious-
interesting that you should say that you're the kiss of death to threads around here... I seem to have the same effect unless everyone is angry at me!
*hug* thank you for your encouragement... I will keep reading... I will always keep reading here, because I find a great deal of wisdom here.
Thank you for sharing your story, as well. I don't know that I'll ever share my story... I don't think that I have enough courage for that. I'm way too sensitive. I wouldn't be able to handle what would probably be thrown at me.
I love your name... it fits you very well. You are very precious.
CW

--------------------
WW(me)-37 BH-48 D-19
Married 12 yrs
EAs and PAs from 5/02
1st DDay - 1/6/04
NC letter - 1/11/04
full DDay - 1/12/04
reinstated NC - 2/2/04

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Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2004 | IP: Logged |

Pepperband
Member
Member # 7644

posted February 28, 2004 08:41 PM
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posted by i'm precious:
"I hope I don't kill your thread. For some reason when I post on a thread it seems to be the "kiss of death". No one ever posts on it again. "

Ta Da! .... finish of thread-ending curse.

"There are a lot of things I would sometimes like to say, but know that I would get crucified."

I just saw The Passion Of The Christ....

You are not crucified .... not even close.

Hyperbole ....

You may get yelled at , verbally throttled on a message board.... How can that actually hurt you in any real way? Your "feelings" get brused .... hardly a crucifiction.

I am sure you are healing as best you can at any given moment.

I believe the person who get hurts the worst is the one who hurts herself.

How can you ever forgive yourself ? .... by hard work , tincture of time, and living a wonderful life.

Faith
Hope
Love

You are The Precious .... yes you are.

Pep
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Posts: 3967 | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged |

i'm precious
Member
Member # 31213

posted February 28, 2004 09:34 PM
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Pepperband,

I am so sorry! I didn't mean to compare myself to an innocent person. However, a crucifixion is painful whether deserved or not. I wasn't even remotely trying to imply that I do not deserve it! It just hurts and I wonder if it will ever go away.

Actually I sometimes think I should never have gotten married at all-EVER! I was thumbing through a book a couple years ago for people who had never been married. It was giving guidence, things to look out for, etc. One of the biggies was in reference to people who had been abused as children. The book said that you run as fast as you could away from a person who had that type of background. I guess I fit. Unfortunately, we have a 12 year old and that makes it a little too late now.

I have a hard time at times talking about things. I really don't want to sound like I'm wallowing, but then how do I talk about things without sounding that way? Things are a part of me. I have just begun to realize how much things that happened formed my thinking and decision-making through my whole life. I don't know how to change them. And if I do, will anyone let me? Do I deserve to let anyone let me? I take responsibility for all my bad decisions? YES! Oh, but how I HATE all the people who tried to kill me along the way (only figuratively speaking, of course). But did they even know what they were doing? Never mind. I'll shut up now. Maybe this is why I kill threads. I apologize to everyone!

I'm precious

<small>[ February 29, 2004, 07:20 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Hi Precious.
Although my husband and I had an 'ideal childhood' and he STILL had an affair and I had an 'intense infatuation', there are many here that have went through similar sexual abuse as you and I just know in my heart that you will get much help from caring and understanding people here.

You can start over today with a clean slate; put the past on a back burner and leave it there.
"Only YOU can be the kind of person you want to be."

Love, Julie

Hi Precious,

As I begin writing this post, I don't know exactly what to say. But I know what I want the message to be: you are not alone! I have read your posts and identify with many of your emotions. I too was sexually abused as a child (from 5 years to 8 or 9), and I didn't tell my parents until I was 21. I struggled with so many emotions, but was always terrified to tell.

Anyway, even though I told a few people at 21, I didn't get counseling. I glossed over it and here I am 8 years later feeling I've made no progress whatsoever.

I'm at the Marriage Builders site because I just confessed to my husband of 6 years that I "made out" with a guy two years before we married. (I feel terrible for not telling him then, but I was cowardly and scared -- and shocked that it could have happened) It's not an issue for him today, but it is for me. And I'm struggling with all kinds of conflicting emotions. Like, that incident confirming that all my worst fears growing up -- that I was dirty because of what my uncle had done to me -- are actually true.

I started seeing a therapist three months ago. I don't have words to express how dark of a time this has been for me. My thoughts are scattered, and I have a deep fear that I can't seem to shake. Or rather, I have numerous fears.

My own mind seems to be my worst enemy at the moment. I keep torturing myself with the following thought: If my husband (then boyfriend) would have visited this site 8 years ago, everyone would have told him to "run, not walk, away from me." Believe me, this was not "normal behavior" for me. (I do know that year in particular was difficult, and I was feeling insecure because he hadn't made any kind of verbal commitment. And I was worried that I had given my heart to someone who could possibly be leaving the country (he is from Europe)) I hadn't planned AT ALL to kiss someone else, but my own weakness allowed it to happen. I still have trouble accepting this about myself.

And that leads me to the following thought: I don't deserve him today.

It all comes down to deserving. And self worth. I had posted on another thread, which Stunned Dad replied to, that I had always been an "over-achiever" due to what happened to me. He corrected me and said that I was actually over-compensating. I've been doing it all my life. Perfect grades, perfect job, etc. Always trying to be perfect. I thought my acting perfectly was the only way that I could somehow make up for not actually being as good as everyone else. I've known this for years, but not been able to change the way I feel.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling. I just hope that maybe we can share a bit. These are things with which I usually speak in-depth with my therapist.

Anyway, MB has been really helpful in many ways. I just need to stop torturing myself by looking at the posts made to people who aren't actually married yet, and are dealing with infidelity.

Back to the self-worth issues. If you have any encouraging thoughts, etc. Anything that has helped you in this department, PLEASE SHARE!

My heart really goes out to you, Precious.

You can share anything with me here and I will help you in any way I can.

Alegna,

I am so sorry for what you've been through. I know it can seem like a deep, dark, neverending pit. When you think things are going well, it comes up to bite you in the butt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thank you for replying to my story. I feel so needy sometimes. Not quite sure how to get over this. My H would like me to go to a rehab center for those who have been sexually abused. He says there are a few out there. I have told him I will go. It's just a little scarey. It's VERY expensive. We'll see. I just would like the things that happened to me to stop controlling my life.

LOL,
I'm precious

Alegna,

I am so sorry for what you've been through. I know it can seem like a deep, dark, neverending pit. When you think things are going well, it comes up to bite you in the butt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thank you for replying to my story. I feel so needy sometimes. Not quite sure how to get over this. My H would like me to go to a rehab center for those who have been sexually abused. He says there are a few out there. I have told him I will go. It's just a little scarey. It's VERY expensive. We'll see. I just would like the things that happened to me to stop controlling my life.

LOL,
I'm precious

I'm precious,

Penny Tupy from Save Your Marriage Central has just opened a new discussion board.

On this board there is a private forum for folks who have been victims as you have. Only your peers who have been through it are allowed on the forum.

You may find some comfort and some advice there that will help you. Here is the link:

Save Your Marriage Central Discussion Board

You can go ahead and register if you like, take a look around, and if you are interested, go ahead and register on the Sexual Abuse forum.

All the best to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's VERY expensive</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its pennies in the bank of life....but think about this way......he wants you to...wants you to....wants you to.

Remember the guy all set to leave? Remember the guy that said he thought it was just an affair?

precious
Progress progress progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Stunned,

Thanks as always.

Girl,

Thanks! I'll go snoop around.

I'm precious

Hi to all,

I just wanted to give everyone an update.

Isgirl, I registered at SYMC. Haven't posted yet, but will soon.

To all, I have an appt on Friday at a center that specializes in rape/sexual abuse/ assault, etc for women. The assessment is with a counsellor who specializes in these things.

I'm kind of excited, but also scared and tired. The thought of the whole thing just makes me feel exhausted. Isn't that crazy?

I'm precious