LL-

We will be traveling the next few days so I wont have access to the web.

Just hang in there - it's a process, it starts with being aware. There are no big deals, no mistakes only detours. Just take one step at a time. Think of it this way - if there was a straight line going out from your house to the North Pole and you started to walk on it. What if you stepped one milimeter to the left and kept walking, over time you would be way left of the North Pole.

Gotta go,

D.

I'll check back when I can. Hang in there, know it will be ok

If you email me, I email you back and maybe we can talk in person.

PS I know Harleys are pricey but ONE session is worth it. Beg or borrow the money if you have to.

WGTT,

Does anyone have you email address? If you gave it to me, it must be lost in one of my incredibly long (because I write too much) thread.

Thanks for the encouragement.


And all on here... Should I resend my updated Plan B letter? I have a feeling WH was at "mutual not such a friend" because last night I got an IM from her (thought it might be innocent enough so accepted--she often asks about my DD). It was WH typing on her account. I know he was there, which is fine. He asked how much he would owe for DS's glasses and told me not to make my weekly txfr for child support yet this week (this makes me VERY nervous in conjunction with the fact that my debit card quit working yesterday, though I think it just got demagnatized). I HAVE to call the bank tomorrow!

Anyway, he went on to just say he'd "contact me" (not his usually tone) about his father's surgery and that he had to go. Then I noticed she logged off line. I got back on later and they were on again, but as soon as I got on, she logged off again.

I assume OW (future wife?) was down there with him.

I'm feeling hurt today. Don't know why. Why I can't just set my expectations at nothing from him is beyond me, but that darned hope (and delusion) gets in the way.

So, should I send him my AGAIN THIS IS WHAT IS EXPECTED AND WHY letter? Can it do any more harm?

LL

^bump^

Going to main post office today to mail all the bills I pay for my parents later this afternoon so they'll go out first thing tomorrow morning.

Is it okay for me to send my Plan B "further explanation of why I'm asking what I"m asking" letter? Or will this make things worse? I want him to understand why he perceives me as cold, and I've put some of my thoughts and feelings into it. As I posted earlier, my sis "blessed" it and thought it was very well written, albeit long. My kids approved, too. (While some may disagree with letting the kids read the letter--they're teens. One is almost 18, and the is more street-smart than any adult I've met so far, so I figured there would be no serious harm done, and that they might even have additional insight.)

Help.. Send? Or don't send??

LL

LL, I know what you mean by send or not send. It is really hard, Experts would tell you. I am here to show my support for whatever you do. We need to support each other.

Ok...

Here is MY take on this so called "updated Plan B" letter...

It is yet another attempt to contact him. Yep, that's how it seems to me. You sent a Plan B letter....NO CONTACT is NO CONTACT...you can call it an "updated Plan B letter"...but that's a ruse.

You want contact with him...you are determined to have contact with him... so you came up with this "updated Plan B letter" as a way to do it. Now, you are on MB trying to now pass it off as a legitimate MB reason to send it. I don't know about anyone else, but last time I looked in the mirror I didn't have "stupid" stamped across my forehead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now, let me draw out some other things while I am on a roll...

Your main concerns right now (according to your posts) are

1. whether or not he is living with this OW.
2. whether or not he is going to be marrying
her.
3. whether or not you will ever be taking
vacations with him again.
4. whether or not you will ever snuggle in bed
with him ever again.


To me...those are all such superficial things. Why aren't your main concerns whether or not this drinking is going to be the death of him? Why aren't your main concerns his getting help and dry?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Why aren't your main concerns those of your DD. Your daughter is on a self destructing path and you are worried about vacations?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You have more things to deal with than his boozing and whoring.

Thats just my opinion...and if people find me harsh...so be it.

committed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong>

Is it okay for me to send my Plan B "further explanation of why I'm asking what I"m asking" letter? Or will this make things worse? I want him to understand why he perceives me as cold, and I've put some of my thoughts and feelings into it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LL, I have to agree with committed. You are missing the point all the way around. Your priorities are skewed here as she pointed out.

He doesn't need to understand WHY you are doing what you are doing. What he needs to understand is this simple message: IF I WANT MY WIFE AND FAMILY BACK I MUST QUIT DRINKING AND GIVE UP OW. DON'T CALL UNTIL THOSE CONDITIONS ARE MET!

THAT IS ALL HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND, LL!

Don't confuse the message with long sentimental, sappy missives that will fall on DEAF EARS. His right brain is ANESTHETIZED anyway so that kind of stuff just makes him want to vomit. He HAS no feelings - he won't "get" it! To him, it just looks like the WEAKNESS that it really is. He can smell weakness and waffling a mile off - and knows how to work it to his advantage.

If you talk to him stay on message and ask him: have you stopped drinking? have you ended affair? If not, "don't call until that happens." PERIOD, END OF STORY.

Anything else just looks like waffling and a new opportunity for EXPLOITATION for a sick alcoholic.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why aren't your main concerns those of your DD. Your daughter is on a self destructing path and you are worried about vacations?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Trust me, I am scared to death about my daughter. I simply can't seem to figure out how to fix it. I have tried being nice, being stern, being understanding, being a hard***. Nothing works. I have to almost live in a world of delusions to deal with her. Otherwise, I would kill myself with worry.

Her original HS (even the principal and assoc. principal) couldn't get her to respect them and do what was expected. She just kept playing hookie from class and mouthing off until they finally expelled her.

She used the "F" word with a cop the day I filed the missing person's report on her. He gave her a very stern earfull about disrespect. I don't think she heard a word.

The therapist she was seeing advised me to stop bringing her for the time being, until she settles in some at the Alternative HS, because in her words "Kaitlin doesn't want to listen right now. It's not effective."

As the mother of a rebellious teenager who is acting out even more, for obvious reasons, I am the LAST person she is going to listen to. My IC agrees with this. Obviously I try all I can to protect her, to talk to her, and to act "unshocked" at some of the things she tells me because I want to keep the lines of communication from totally slamming shut. But she is a PISTOL! If the professionals can't handle her, I'm not sure what more I can do than what I'm doing.

I've not had a practice run with a child like this before. My son was pretty darned easy. My friends and coworkers don't have kids like her. The best I can do for advice are the teachers at the alternative HS because they are the ones dealing with kids like her daily. And the fact that she is at least attending school, not trying to skip out, an is actually earning a few credits is probably about the best I can ask for right now.

Other than that, all I can do is pray a lot that God keeps her safe and that eventually she will wake up and mature a little.

LL

Committed,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why aren't your main concerns whether or not this drinking is going to be the death of him? Why aren't your main concerns his getting help and dry?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That fear and the one that he will never leave OW are the underlying terrifying fears that cause all the ones that seem superficial to surface. Obviously I don't want to go on vacations with him if he's drunk and seeing OW.

But as I am about to find out in another hour (if I can find the church that the Al-Anon meeting is held at--it's not the one I thought it was), I am powerless over the alcoholic.

I live with a gut-wrenching hurt daily that he is spiraling to his death, physically and spiritually, and that I have no control over stopping it from happening. My feeling: as long as he's seeing OW, he will continue to drink.

It is heartbreaking to watch the alien who took over my WH do this to the man who:

*taught me how to drive (illegally, at 15)

*took my virginity (at about the same age)

*cryed for a year on my shoulder thru his parents divorce

*took pictures in the delivery room of our babies when they were born (and then showed some pretty gory pictures to all his relatives because he was so proud)

*took me by our house each and every night while it was being built so I could take pictures of each new stick of wood that went up, and camcorded the progress for me to see when I was out traveling for work.

*During this A, in December, when my F was in ICU with pneumonia and I was so strung out emotionally that I couldn't get out of bed, forced me to get up and drove me down to the hospital, visited with my family (very difficult for him because they all knew what was up), and stayed the night with me in the ICU waiting room.

I want this man back. For anyone who reads this who is not a believer, they may not see my point. But for someone who is a Christian, to watch the person you love most in life spiral downward like this and know the reality of what could happen is enough to take your breath away.

Yes, I DO care about it. I want to wave my magic wand and cure him. But I can't. So perhaps the more superficial things come out in my posts--things I know we won't ever do again if something does happen to him or we don't get back together.

LL

<small>[ March 14, 2004, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

Oh lordslady, my heart goes out to you. Beleive me when I say I understand how you feel, I am in pretty much the same place you are! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I too have a very small circle around my feet, and can't control even that. BUT, today, thanks to your post and melodylanes and others on this thread, I have taken my first step. I have rung a lawyer, that was so hard to do! And I am meeting with her this afternoon. Cripes, it's taken me 17 years to do this much! I want to be informed and know if and what my rights are. Then hopefully I can do something about my husband who is an alcoholic and depressed.

Nothing changes if nothing changes, and I am sick and tired of nothing changing. 17 years I have been at this, we have 4 children, and a nice life when he is sober. He had an affair 3 years ago, which I have been trying valiantly to get over, but I can't get over the drinking. It is so sad, I am so sad for myself <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and for our children, and for him <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> And I am sad for you too lordslady, because it's a rotten place to be.

Thinking of you,
heartsore

<small>[ March 14, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: heartsore ]</small>

I agree too, a long Plan B letter can only be another attempt to contact...change his mind...try to control the situation.


This must be HORRIBLE for you, to feel so out of control. It was for me. But what I eventually realized was that I never had control of the situation and never would. M and love is about letting go of control and trust...hard to do, hard to get back once it's lost.

Was your M that great that you want it back...and him back...the way things are? Were you perfect in this M? You sound like if he called tomorrow and said OW was out of the picture you would go running to him. But what has changed?

When my H was in the throes of withdrawal and the A I looked on this as an opportunity to strengthen our M. I found this site and learned about LoveBanks and ENs and especially LB's. I became a better W so when my H returned we could build a stronger R.

I think a second Plan B letter is unessential now. If WH tried again and again to contact you than a simple "Please don't contact me unless you have stopped drinking and OW is out your life completely."

But...writing letters to him is A-O-K...just don't send them...heck...vent away...keep them if you want and he can read them later, but DON'T SEND THEM!!!

And letting DS and DD read them? I know many would disagree but I agree with keeping the kids informed...but don't ask their opinions about what YOU should do...that's really putting them inthe middle...making them choose sides. And they don't need to know ALL the details (that OW is a barking dog begging for sex).

I know you'll miss this, hope the meeting was helpful and you have found some people closer that you can lean on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi LL

Just wondering if something out of the ordinary didn't came out, and you managed to go to Al-anon?

Let us know

Take care

LL -

A couple things. First, if you want to save your daughter, you must educate yourself about the teenage mind. It is not enough that you have tried everything YOU know to do or can think of.

There are professionals who do this for a living! The have plans, and success rates, and they get results. You can be trained to handle her. I promise!

If not, the world would have been taken over by wayward 14 year old girls already!

I had to take parenting classes. I have also had to take seminars and read tons of books because my youngest son has Aspergers Syndrome (mild form of high-functioning autism).

It is NOT something to be ashamed of. It is the opposite. It shows that what you know isn't working, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to help your child.

You are willing to do all kinds of crazy stuff to save WH from himself, and he is an adult! What about her??? MOM???

Which brings me to number two. PLEASE do not say that any believers in Jesus understand how your pain over WH is so intense, that you love him more than anything or anyone.

Because as a believer, you should know that you should love Jesus, be in love with Jesus, far more than you love any mere mortal.

Your relationship with Jesus should be placed far and above any other relationship you cultivate here on earth. Jesus should be the only thing in your life that you could not, will not, live without. Period. The end.

So, basically what you are saying, is that you are so incredibly dependent on this man, that you are going to let him do anything in your life to you, and accept it.

I have memories with my WH. I have been with him since I was 16. We shared lots of firsts as well.

You simply do not want to do any work. You do not want to commit yourself to anything besides your WH, who is also a practicing alcoholic.

I am telling you this stuff, because you need to hear it. You can put all kinds of spins on all kinds of stuff. I am not buying any of it.

You have been given tons of great advice. You are a squeaky wheel.

Have you gone to one of those Al-Anon meetings? You found some in your area. Did you go? Take your kids to Al-Ateen.

If you want help that badly, you would have run to these places as soon as somebody said they were great.

You don't seem to want help. You just place your neediness in that guise, to continue to suck attention, and not follow-up with any action.

Hm.

Looks like you need to take a really good look at yourself in the mirror, LL, and decide what you want in your life. You are at the wheel.

SS

SHMI,

I should clarify. I don't ask the kids what I should do. They have already, without my asking, told me many times what they think. They want me to boot him forever. I disagree, and they know that. They don't like it, though.

However, about the letter, it contained no gory details about the barking OW. It was simply me stating my feelings and my desires for us and what I needed in order for him to come back. It was PG rated at best. They just gave me their opinions as to whether or not if I sent it, it would convey what I was trying to get across to him.

Matilde,

Yes, I did indeed attend that Al-Anon meeting tonight, and one of the women invited me to Perkins for coffee afterwards. We left there at 11:30. It was a nice break. It was a very small meeting, too--only 5 of us there, but I do fit in a bit better. These people are for the most part not in relationships anymore--some due to death and some due to leaving the persn. I didn't like that part, nor the fact that most of their significant others never did recover from alcoholism. However, if I average them with the group I didn't like before where everyone's "other" had been in recovery for like 20 years, it would come out okay. I may go back to this one, and they also gave me some ideas of meeting on different days that are much larger, in case I want to just sit and listen and more blend into the woodwork.

So everyone better be sending me some happy faces now!!

SS,

You are willing to do all kinds of crazy stuff to save WH from himself, and he is an adult! What about her??? MOM???

I have tried LOTS of things. I have skipped LOTS of work to meet with all the pros at school. I set her up with the best therapy group I could find in DSM, and with one of their therapist who specialies in defiant children and teens. If anyone could crack her, she should have been able to. Kait just shut herself off to the therapist. I may start taking her again after while, if she does get some credits earned at her new HS and settles in a little better.

As for Ala-Teen, I don't think she'd set foot inside the door. She's really scaring my because she's starting down her dad's path. My son might go, but he seems to be fairly well adjusted anyway. I think he's taking it better because he know's he's out of here and in college by the end of summer.

And as for my comment about loving my WH more than anything else, that just didn't come across right at all, I see. I don't mean I love him more than Jesus. If I did, I'd have given up going to church (and ruining all his weekend plans) and would have gone back to drinking and partying years ago because he liked me better that way. I quit that stuff, and over the years as I've grown as a Christian, have found that movies I used to watch and music I used to listen to all the time makes me uncomfortable after a while as well. This has all caused strife in our marriage, but it was something I wasn't willing to change just to suit him. God & Jesus come first.

What I meant is he is the mortal who means the most to me. Argue all you want, guys--I love my kids VERY much, but I always felt it was important to maintain the relationship with one's spouse because at some time, if you do your job right, your kids will grow up and move out. Then you're left with the person you pledged your love to 'til death do you part. If you concentrate solely on your kids (like my mom did) there's nothing left to do with your spouse when the kids are gone because you don't know each other anymore. In my mom's case, that's when she started gambling all their $ away.

LL

LL!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Congratulations! I'm proud of you!

Keep going my friend. My meetings are also small, now that I think of it, the AA are even smaller than the Al-Anon ones I went. But somehow I like that. I'm kind of a shy person, and even with 5 pepople there it's hard for me to share there, but I do. I will keep going, even if I don't like what I hear there. You see, they will teach you a new way of life, and I didn't went there to keep listening on what I already knew right?

I was told bring the body, the mind will follow. And that is what I'm doing and my mind is slowly following. I hope this works for you as much as it did for me.

Don't be discouraged. I know a lot of people at Al-Anon are separated because of the alcohol, but they realized, they had no control over it. Also I can give you the other side. Many alcoholics don't recover unless they wake up. Sometimes the wake up call is the fear to loose it all, sometimes an accident, and some times they are not that dumb and are tyred of suffering. I don't know what will it be your H's wake up call, but sooner or later it will catch up. Keep praying, it's out of your hands.

More smiley faces for you!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good job on the meeting. Keep going.

The best person to help your daughter is you. If you don't learn what you need to be doing at home to reinforce what you pay all those others to do for her an hour a day, once or twice a week, it just ain't gonna work.

Spend some time in the public school system for a while, and you definately will know what I am talking about. All those things are great, but you, as her primary caretaker, need to educate yourself.

Last time I asked you that questions, you told me you hadn't. There are oppotunities everywhere, especially at her school. You will easily find information if you look for it. I promise.

Second, I know what you said about the Jesus comment. I did not misunderstand. The part of what I meant that I wanted you to take away is this:

Christ's love is the only love you cannot live without.

If you put your love and trust in Christ, and let Him hold you in the palm of His hand, you would be able to hear what He wants you to do.

What does Jesus want you to be doing right now? There is no way for you to know. You are too busy doing what you want to do.

Which is fine. We all have free will. I just don't like you using His name in your defense of why you cannot follow and stick to a wise course of action.

Remember, LL, God has a divine path of happiness for you in your life. But you have to listen to what He wants you to do. Your divine path might not look like like what you want it to look like.

That is something we all have to face. It is not easy to follow God. The path is narrow, and not many travel it.

Perhaps you could join a Bible study group. Maybe you are missing the message of your faith.

I love you, and tough love is what you need. I am not going to candy-coat stuff for you anymore, because you take advantage of people when they do that.

Sometimes *gasp* I have noticed that you twist and manipulate the words here to get them to be what you want them to be. I think you've been hanging out with your WH too long!

Use this opportunity to learn about YOU. This is a golden opportunity. It is all about perspective. Mind set. Two sides of the same coin.

I KNOW your WH would freak out if he saw you change your life around and take accountability and take charge.

You can SO be the lighthouse of safety and warmth for him. You just need to put in some elbow grease.

We are all telling you how.

When this happened to me, I MADE myself make changes in my life: I went the the doctor and got meds, began going to church regularly again, reconnected with all my friends for support, started going to the gym almost every day and added back in my weight lifting, scheduled IC appointments, quit keeping alcohol in the house, began selling lots of stuff to cut down on monthly expenses (just in case!).

There are more, but those are just the biggies. I wanted to chase after him and cry and beg and argue.

I got busy instead. I still have moments. That is when I email certain friends who have told me to email them rather than WH!

I see such potential for you. You just have to get past a HUGE mental block you have wedged into your brain. I have seen it before. And it is wonderful when the wedge is removed. You will look back on your thoughts and actions and be like, "What the he** was I thinking????"

And we will all smile and welcome you, and say, we knew you would get there.

Especially with tough words and tough love.

SS

LL,

My heart aches so much for you when I visit your thread. It hits so close to home for me. Believe me, I experienced the exact same day-in, day-out agony over the situation that you are in now for so long, in retrospect I can't believe I survived it. I had all the same fears and sadness - mainly over superficial things (like vacations), but that is because those were the only things I could bear to focus on. I also had all the same fears about the end of the M and the same scarcity of hope. If you can imagine, midway through the ordeal (just after my DD was born), I found in his wallet a whole series of appointment cards for the two of them at a fertility/in-vitro clinic. Talk about moving on!

But the reason I'm posting is to voice support for those who are urging you to maintain no contact, including letters. I would be lying to you if I told you I wouldn't have sent the 2nd Plan B letter myself. I would have sent it. I did stuff like that all the time (before my true Plan B), which (I think) is the very reason my H's A went on for as long as it did. What I saw as loving gestures, reminders of my commitment, he took as license to continue what he was doing without any risk of losing me. And his reaction to these gestures was almost uniformly anger - no matter how loving, nonjudgemental and conciliatory I tried to be, he twisted everything around to justify his behavior (and I believe the alcoholism played a big role here).

As I told you before, I honestly believe that the thing that finally knocked some sense into my H was the realization that this time, unlike all the previous times, he would lose everything (and the one person he'd be left with was no prize!). I don't know if or how your H will ever come to that realization. Maybe he won't or maybe he won't care. But if he is anything like my H, I'm pretty sure that sending him loving letters won't do a single thing to bring him closer to it.

Thanks for all the smiley's, guys.

SS,

You can SO be the lighthouse of safety and warmth for him. You just need to put in some elbow grease.

The only problem here is that I want to be that lighthouse of savety and warmth, but I can't if I'm in a true Plan B, can I? If we never speak (even if he feels like he need to), I'm confused as to how he can see my light.

Heck, I'm just confused in general sometimes.

LL

YOU show your strength by defining you being more worthy and above being part of his insanity...

It is INSANITY to expect a WIFE to listen to her husband speak of his sexual escapades with his girlfriend...

It is INSANITY to expect a WIFE to pick up the phone and be belittled and yelled out by an alcoholic husband.

It is INSANITY for you to become part of his lies and deceipt and rationalizaton....

This is your light lordslady...where you define yourself..without powerstruggling him..
without telling him what he should and should not do..
without being able to accused of controling manipulating or forcing...
this is your light shining proud and steady...stating...I am here...and I will not be part of such hurtful behavior...
that I value myself more than that
AND
AND
AND
I value you (him) more than that...to be part of the chaos at ALL...

that in your home and your life you will from this moment forward..walk in the sunlight...being honest with yourself and those around you...
that you redefine your value system...
without forcing him to do a thing.
without blame...

and he will continue to flounder
and continue to escalate and de-escalate
and continue to try to turn this back on others...
but then he will run out of gas...and he will have to see himself...for himself...as himself...without you to take the blame for who he is....

and your requirements for return...are so basic they are pathetic and laughable if we are all honest about them..

quit seeing the OP...wow there's an outrageous concept eh??
how dare BS say something as radical as I have thought about whether or not my husband having a girlfriend is something that I desire in my marrage...and have come to the decision that I don't want my husband to have a girlfriend...
and still even leave the decision up to them...

so that's basis for rebuilding....

contact between you and him is just powerstruggle after powerstruggle....(and that's not personal Lordslady..that's where it often ends up between WS and BS....)

so you have choices..
continue the contact and continue the dance of powerstruggles over and over again....

believe me ...no contact..has him more focused on you than when you and he are engaged in one upping and getting the last word in...

no contact...makes them obsess about you because they know exactly what they need to do...and they are painfully aware that no decision is a decision that can have grave consequances...and no matter how much they try to squirm out of it..it is in their hands....

ARK

Hey!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

A bit overdue.

Keep up the good work! You're doing great.

I just finished a parenting group if you ever want to email...


(Oops, have to edit my post because I'm only allowed 8 smileys!!!)

Hey there,

Had a thought about the lighthouse analogy....


Does a lighthouse KNOW if a ship sees it or not? No, it shines no matter what, it shines through fog and storms. Only after the storm or fog is over does the lighthouse get any acknowledgement.

I know, you want SOMETHING from your H, some hope, some scrap to hold onto...there is your M contract, there is the notion that a D will be sticky and time-consuming and even more unpleasant than now (at least for him), there is the thought that A's have a natural end.

I read on here once (help me if I'm getting this wrong) fewer than 25% of the A's last beyond the break up of a M, and then only 5% go on to get M with their A partner. The odds are in your favor babe!!