I don't have time to go into the whole story ,but the end result was MW had a affair with a mutual friend. She says she told him that she doesn't want to see him anymore but up to 2 months ago we do group activites inwhich he is involved and there is no way to avoid this situation.The family wants to start these activites again, but it is hard for me do knowing he will be there. MW says she will not seek him out and if he does, she will tell him to back off. What do I do? Do I trust her after all this,as far as I know she hasn't spoken or seen him in a month. Will this put MW back to where she was emotionally, it is unfair to all of the family not to do these activities.I want and need to trust her again. Advice is needed. I have look thru the MB web site but there is nothing there on this matter.Divorce is still in play even though we have worked out alot of issues from the past,but the past still haunts us, we do talk more and express our feelings more and I know its going to be a long road for heeling and I have accepted that, but I do not want any set backs when things are slowly doing better.

Hi tryinghard,

The "simple" answer to this scenario is that neither your WW nor this OM should ever see each other again for LIFE.I don't care what type of activity,game,trip,outing,gathering,whatever.

In order for the two of you to have a true chance at recovery,there must no longer be any contact of any kind.How you work out the logistics is just one facet to the multitude of issues your WW has now placed upon your marriage.

Dr.Harley says that most BS(betrayed spouses) inherently know that there must never be any contact again and I think you do too.It would not work.

O

P.S.

If you are getting a divorce,should this matter? I wasn't clear if you are or are not getting a D.

O

As far as I know divorce is only on the table she still is in contact with her lawyer but no papers have been served as of yet.It has been over a month since she took paper work to her lawyer and in this state it takes 90 days after the papers have been served and she could have served them at anytime.We are in counceling and things are slowly getting better.

Hi again,

Going to counseling if your WW is having an A +/or wanting a D is a waste of time and money.Why are you in counseling anyway? If you are both in counseling to help repair your marriage then she needs to send this guy a NC letter and then discuss with you what other leisure activities you can do that don't include chance encounter's with the OM.

If she refuses on both counts then I would be suspicious of what she said and I would be thinking that she is trying to keep the OM in the loop somehow.This family gathering would be one way,especially if the A is not truly over.

I know you want and need to trust your WW again,we would all like to do that with our WS's but be wise.She hasn't DONE anything to prove to you that it's over has she? Has she shown you that she has stopped any and all D proceedings? Has she written a NC letter to the OM and have you approve it and send it together? How do you know for certain that she has not been in contact with the OM? Are you just taking her word for it? Is the OM married? If so have you told his W?

Look,either your WW is with you 100% or she is not.If you have read some of the posts here and Dr.Harley's advice,you would come to realize that for your emotional safety and security as well as hers,she must never see OM again.Just be careful not to blindly trust your WW ok? I know you may just want to breathe a sigh of relief and believe what she says but remember to look at what she is *doing,not saying.

Take care.

O