Hello, In a nutshell. We are both in our mid forties and my wife had an affair after 25 yrs together. 7 months ago I walked in on them in my own bed. She claims there was no love,a work friend that presured her and she caved in 2 times. Claims they do not talk and rarely see each other at work. They both ignore each other. He is married but only the 3 of us know. Both my wife and i see Therapists. This was a total shock for me. We have allways got along well.

We are both trying hard but I have my doubts if I can really go on being married to someone that would bring another man into our bed. She claims that it started a year ago(1 time) and then allmost again when I walked in on them. She begged me to stay and knows that it was an huge mistake. I do love her and have a lot of years with her.
Should I stay and keep trying to get over it? Will I?
Thank you

Question

MAS1

That's a question only you can answer. But you have come to a place where there are people who, although they don't KNOW you, know what you are going through.

Welcome to MarriageBuilders, the place no one wanted to find out about, but the greatest place to be in a time of need when an affair is found out.

Explore this site. Read the General Questions link. Read about MarriageBuilders and the philosophy that an Affair doesn't have to be the death of a marriage.

The first order of business it to purchase Surviving an Affair, by Willard Harley. Read it and understand it, and read the links refering to Plan A here on this website.

Chill out and peacefully coexist at home with your Wife until you have done so. The book and the reading here will give you THE MOST VALUABLE INFORMATION AVAILABLE to know how to deal with all you are going through right now.

Other wise persons who can identify with what your are going through will post as well. If your "thread" doesn't get any attention, reply to it yourself, and it will "bump" to the top of the list.

Remember, it's been said that your gut will tell you the WRONG thing to do 90% of the time when you discover your mate has had an affair.

Pat yourself on the back for finding this site, and read, read, read, and learn everything you can so you can have a proper, tried and true plan to save your marriage.

Best wishes

SD

Thank you SD for your wisdom. I know that forgivenss takes a long time but it has been 7 months.

I think the First 2 months after D day were very bad. Then I started to get somewhat better. At 6 months I started going back down hill. Its at 7 months now and she is trying very hard but I seem to float off on trigers, pity and discusted that she would do that to me.

MAS1

Goodness man! Read a few other threads around these parts. There's 40 other guys here who'd kill to be in your shoes.

Seriously, all the post I read here, and I read a bunch of em, say there's a speedbump around the 6 month mark. I'm approaching that mark too, since DDay, but only 6 weeks of NC. I've finally learned that time and patience, mixed with full employment of Dr. Harley's principles lead to (sometime agonizingly) slow progress.

Remember, your W is a good person who made a bad choice. It seems you have no problem with continued contact, withdrawal is non-existant, and the fog is clear.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be on my knees thanking God for my good fortune.

Make this a milestone moment. Go out and buy a new bed, and take the other one out with a box of matches and a bottle of wine, burn it and celebrate the beginning of your NEW life together.

Ok, maybe that's a bit extreme, but I think if you spend more time counting your blessings, reading how much others are struggling to get to the point your are, you may find a fresh new perspective.

Keep up the good work!

SD