Hi, revelation,
I'm not clear on whether you've BOTH read HN,HN and the website, or if it's only you that's done this reading. If both of you have, then this sounds like a great topic for POJA.
Of course he wants to brush everything under the rug. Most WS do. They know all the details, they have all the answers, they don't like the discomfort, they're ready to move on. The BS, on the other hand, has none of this and it's important that discussions take place so healing can begin.
Perhaps the two of you could set aside a weekly time for "relationship" talks, so that he knows he won't be blindsided or unhappily surprised at other times? This could allow him to feel safe, and allow you to know you'll get a chance to address feelings.
One thing that seems to work okay for my H and I is that we're reading "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" together. It's VERY slow going because we don't have a set time. I ask him each day if we can read some in the book. When he says yes, we only read for an hour. We stop often to talk and share our viewpoints. If we've read one day, I don't bring it up the next day - I give him a break. This seems to be working okay for us. It's not nearly as much as I'd like but it's a heck of a lot more than I ever thought I'd get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I figure once we know what a M "should" look like then we'll have the foundation (meeting ENs, avoiding LBs, etc.) to read an affair recovery book. We aren't ready to tackle affair recovery yet; we need a better foundation.
