WAT, I'm confused. How do I get Mother's email?

Oh.

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 09:26 PM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

<small>[ March 15, 2004, 09:59 AM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

<small>[ March 12, 2004, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

ok?

Melody, I did not read your last two replies.

We talked (actually my H did the talking) to our S tonight that his dad would be moving out at the end of the month. My H did it in such a way so he could understand and relate to it. My S seemed totally unaffected by it. He was just as normal as could be. I don't understand how he could just sit there and accept it without voicing any objections. What does this mean? I'm worried that he's just going to harbor everything inside and it will come out in other ways (like bad grades or conduct in school).

H is still insisting that he is doing this to sort out his own feelings, not in any way to be with OW.

I saw that stupid OW at my S's practice this afternoon, just waltzing around with not a care that I was sitting right there. She even came right up to my friend and I and asked my friend (ignored me) a really stupid question. I'm sure she lingered so that my H would notice she was there. That stupid b****, oh how I hate her. My friend could not believe she came up to her. She said, "You know, if I was screwing around with someone else's H, I would steer well away with my head down. How the h*** could she be such a inconsiderate *&%$#@!!!"

My H is not in love with me anymore. How can I restore that when he moves out if I go into plan B?

<small>[ March 15, 2004, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Mel, I think her H would just deny it to their son then go on to tell about Nid's A 5 years ago.


L

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 4give:
<strong> Mel, I think her H would just deny it to their son then go on to tell about Nid's A 5 years ago.


L </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hopefully not, 4give. I think its important that the boy know and that she not help him cover up. As far as Nid's affair goes, she has made amends for that long ago, unlike her H who is leaving and unrepentent about his affair. To tell about Nid's affair would achieve no good purpose. I think the boy needs to know the truth.

<small>[ March 17, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Hi Nid,

How long have you gone on with Plan A? Your WH is currently very happy knowing that you will not leave him. You have been giving him chances for too long and he knows this fact in his head that you won't leave him. Because he knows this...he will go on playing a game with you while eating his cake. You are the loser in this game because you are the only one hurting and worrying like h*** every single minute of the day.

GET OUT OF THAT CIRCLE before you go insane!

Do plan B...take a break. If you think Plan B is too much..break it down to tiny steps...try plan B for 1 month...go dark on him for a month...but make sure you do a strict plan B. One month is not long. Nothing much can happen in one month but you might feel better about yourself in that one month. AND i can guarantee you your WH will be in pain too during that one month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I agree that Nid's son should be told why his dad is moving out. Nid's H has still been denying to her that OW is the reason. He keeps saying that she has nothing to do with it, that he just needs to move out to try and decide what he wants.
So, if Nid tells her son in H's presence that his dad is having an illicit affair: I just think he will lie and deny.

I do believe that it has everything to do with OW.

Maybe it is how it is said. Dad is confused because he isn't sure he loves me anymore. Maybe she could throw in that he may love OW. Or does he really need to be told in his dad's presence? She could be honest with him when dad isn't around if it didn't come out yesterday.

I do think that the son should know the real reason from Nid's perception.

As to the people at baseball, my experience was back in the mid-90's (Clinton years), lots of people didn't want to acknowledge that anything inappropriate was going on. Most preferred not to be made to feel uncomfortable or to have to take a side or stand. Most wanting to MYOB/make believe all was normal was the average reaction. OW in my case, pre-A was a homely, lonely, wall flower. During the A, she blossomed, had a makeover, became very flirty and
outgoing: the honey bee.

She'd throw parties at her house for all the team and the parents when her H was out of town and my H was basically acting as host. They even had a pie fight with each other at one party. They'd 'disappear' for a bit each time. I was at these parties. The joke was on me. It was quite surreal. It was pure Hell. I didn't have -proof-. Only my gut and then cell phone records. But really it was pretty obvious...I tried a sick denial for a while until I got too ill and lost too much weight.

I think it'd help Nid to get hard proof. She'd stop allowing herself to believe his words and not only his actions.

I think you are right on WAT.

One thing that is hard it seeing that this is still in the beginning for Nid and it could be a long haul before he comes to his senses. It does seem like plan B is the answer, but I understand Nid's concern about a full plan B. Maybe she should try the 180 list at least until he moves out.

Hi all,

We actually had a good weekend. We went to church together. We also went to see The Passion. We held hands. I felt very close to him.

But I think I've made a mistake. You know how I kept thinking he'd called her because I found her number on the redial? Well, I saw it again lastnight, and it was weird because it had different numbers in front of it. I just couldn't hold it in, so I finally asked my H has he called her. He said no. I said, I just get the feeling that you're lying to me. He started asking all these questions like, "What makes you so sure? Have you been on line, etc." He said, "Nid, I want to know how you do it? How do you know when I call her?" I said I wasn't going to tell him because then he'd know how to cover it up. He said,"Nid, I haven't called her. Didn't you notice that the number was different?" He kept insisting that I tell him. And he kept saying that I'm not being honest either.

Anyway, this went on for some time. We were actually laughing about it because we realized we were both playing games with eachother, trying to be the super sleuth. He was purposefully dialing her number to see if I'd confront him because he wanted to know how I knew all those times. He even thought that one of my MB friends was helping me. I had to laugh. Anyway, he looked me right in the eyes and said, "I'm not calling her. I just want to know how you do it." I caved and I showed him the redial can be hit 3 times to show the last 3 numbers dialed. I told him there, now I'll never know again. He looked at me with love and said, "Its okay. I'm not going to hurt you." Then he asked me if what he was going through was a MLC. I said, you're too young aren't you? He said, I don't think thats what it is. We were close (this has been an almost daily thing!) and fell asleep in eachother's arms. Why does he want to leave me?

Now I'm totally regretting telling him about the redial. I've lost the upper hand. I'll never know. I am stupid.

<small>[ March 15, 2004, 10:19 AM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

If he has told your S he is moving out why are you still acting like a couple?? How confusing is that for your S??

Why did you let OW walk up to you without saying anything...she is flaunting the A in your face?? You do not have to take that.

Shortly after dday the OW (next door neighbor) would flaunt herself in her yard and around neighborhood and my H would slink off inside. This would infuriate me...so I told him next time she was out flauting he needed to something about it..told him I wanted her to see him holding my hand and kissing me.

Once I confronted her, he confronted her and she saw us TOGETHER..not only did flaunting stop but she started hiding out. She would even go around the block to get out of neighborhood so didn't have to drive by our house.

I believe the flaunting means A is still going on.

Your H is a cake eater why can't you see that...I am so worried that you are allowing this because of your guilt about your A. Please don't do this...you have atoned for your A...you don't deserve this type of treatment.

If you want to see an example of what can happen if you let him keep pulling you in and pushing you away please look up some posts by Lisa0705. Lisa was also reluctant to Plan B, I wouldn't wish her life on my worst enemy!

<small>[ March 17, 2004, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If he has told your S he is moving out why are you still acting like a couple?? How confusing is that for your S??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H's exact words to our S wree, "I'm PROBABLY going to move out at the end of the month." He told him mom and I need a "time out".

I think it would be even harder for our S to see us distance ourselves from eachother. He knows we care about each other and will try to get through this. But I can see your point that my S would be confused, except for the fact that he knows I AM DOING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to keep our family together.

<small>[ March 15, 2004, 11:27 AM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why did you let OW walk up to you without saying anything...she is flaunting the A in your face?? You do not have to take that.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forever, I am not giving that OW the time of day. Honestly, I think she felt pretty stupid afterwards because my friend was extremely short with her and is usually very friendly with people and used to be with her. OW is a loser and an attention seeker. I will not give her any satisfaction.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your H is a cake eater why can't you see that...I am so worried that you are allowing this because of your guilt about your A. Please don't do this...you have atoned for your A...you don't deserve this type of treatment.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks forever, but I don't think I'm doing this out of my own guilt about my A. I haven't been the best wife for the past few years, this is why we are where we are. And my H hasn't been the best H either. I actually see my H's heart softening, perhaps the fog is lifting. He is making an effort. If I close the door on him now, it will drive him away. I want to stop closing the door on him as I did in the past.

Everytime we talk now, it is very civil and kind, on both sides. Its what we've lacked for a long time. I feel I'm doing the right thing even though everyone here thinks I'm letting him cake eat. Trust me, I will not be blind. I will not close my eyes to any suspicions.

<small>[ March 16, 2004, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: nid ]</small>